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This website is dedicated to ground zero for democracy.  Thanks to Congressquitter Tom DeLay and Governor Rick Perry, the good people of the Texas 22nd will soon be the only Congressional District in America since 1776 to have taxation without representation.  Our forefathers shed blood over this. However, our local Republicans think it's just hunkey dorey, and they will hit you if you try to say otherwise.
          This site mostly is about local politics.  Nevertheless, you folks from foreign states can better understand what the fool tarnation is going on down there. 

Here's the deal: This ain't a blog.  It's a professional political organization.  Send me email - I'll post it if I feel like it. 

Meanwhile this beauty shop ain't charging you a dime, so ADOPT A SIGN, dammit.

 

October 1 - Our friend Deb, who is an expert at finding genuine fun stuff on the internets, sent us this amusement ---- 

Police union demands apology from 'fancy little football person'

DALLAS The head of the Dallas police union is demanding an apology from Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens and his publicist, after what was first described as a suicide attempt by Owens using painkillers.

The Dallas Police Association is angry that Owens and the publicist disputed part of a police report dealing with Owens' trip to the hospital.

The police report that was received by several media outlets made reference to a suicide attempt. But the publicist has called the report inaccurate. And Owens told reporters he can't remember what he said to rescuers.

The union chief says police were doing their job -- and now they're being criticized by what he calls "some fancy little football person." Senior Corporal Glenn White says, "Those officers are ten times better than this man."

He's telling Owens and the publicist to apologize to the officers who answered the call.

There's no immediate response from either.


October 1 - He co-chaired the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus?  See, after Tom DeLay, the Republicans have no sense of irony.  They let Foley be head of the committee of what he was best at. 

Only after Reynolds's definitive statement did Hastert concede yesterday that he may have been notified of some of the questionable activities of Foley, 52, who had co-chaired the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus. Hastert said, however, that he knew nothing of the sexually explicit instant messages that became public Friday when ABC News and other news outlets reported them. The messages apparently were exchanged with youths other than the 16-year-old.

          What other secrets is Hastert keeping?  I've always thought that Pete Sessions is a little creepy.   Oh yeah, and that Conrad Burns, he's a shiver, ain't he? 


September 30 - Republican cronyism raises its hydra head again.  This time they're using our children's education to stuff their pockets with tax dollars. Bush Pioneer Randy Best made $360 million by rigging the Department of Education's Reading First program so states had to buy reading materials from his company, Voyager.

The centerpiece of the new research-based approach was Reading First, a $1 billion-a-year effort to help low-income schools adopt strategies "that have been proven to prevent or remediate reading failure" through rigorous peer-reviewed studies. "Quite simply, Reading First focuses on what works, and will support proven methods of early reading instruction," the Education Department promised. 

Five years later, an accumulating mound of evidence from reports, interviews and program documents suggests that Reading First has had little to do with science or rigor. Instead, the billions have gone to what is effectively a pilot project for untested programs with friends in high places.

          You know that place in hell reserved for the druggist who was diluting the drugs of cancer patients to make more money?  Well, these guys won't be that low, but they will be able to see him from where they are.


September 29 - Yes, I will post some pictures of the county fair parade.  Hold your horses.

Fort Bend Democrats

And Albert Hollan

          I didn't make the candidates' night debate, but Hal has a good report of how it went


September 29 - Well, well, well ….. come to find out, those PBS&J fellas did a little dabbling in illegal campaign contributions 

With respect to the campaign finance charge against Deloach, court records reflect that in 2004, Deloach learned that PBSJ supported the U.S. Senate campaign of Mel Martinez. Deloach wrote a personal contribution check to the Martinez campaign and asked four PBSJ employees to do the same. The four employees, and two of their spouses, made contributions totaling $11,000, for which each was unlawfully reimbursed.

          The good news is that should trigger an investigation here in Fort Bend over both “missing” and “found” campaign contributions to our county commissioners.  The bad news is that we don’t have an investigator. 
          And that’s double-dog bad news because the Miami Herald has this little ditty today.
 

PBS&J has lawsuits against Garcia, Licata and at least 19 of their friends and relatives to recoup portions of the embezzled funds that are still outstanding. 

“Our client recognizes her criminal responsibility and is deeply remorseful,'' said Benson Weintraub, Garcia's Fort Lauderdale lawyer. ''But equally significant is her commendable status as a whistle-blower, exposing rampant political corruption and illegal campaign contributions.'' He credited Garcia for alerting authorities to the political contributions.

          Rampant political corruption and illegal campaign contributions?  Our commissioners sure have themselves some dandy friends, don’t they? 


September 29 - I just got home from the parade to find a delightful email from our friend Steve that said, "You may have to change your heading. At this rate, maybe the Dems will take back Congress before the election."

Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) just resigned from Congress, ABC reports. Apparently, in addition to his not-quite-gross-but-certainly-inappropriate emails revealed yesterday, ABC had obtained "excerpts of instant messages provided by former pages who said the congressman, under the AOL Instant Messenger screen name Maf54, made repeated references to sexual organs and acts."

          Just another Republican sicko.


September 29 - It's Fair Day and I'm on my way to the parade.  We'll be bringing you highlights from last night's local political debate with the Ladies Auxiliary of the VFW (maybe even some clips), but last night winner of the Somebody Please Help Me Shut the Dickens Up Award was Jeff Council - candidate for county treasurer - who proudly announced that one of his main qualifications was that he "can handle the ladies in the treasurer's office."
          Up until that exact moment, no one knew the staff of the treasurer's office needed or wanted handling. 
          Most people present thought he was running for pimp.


September 28 - You can put them at the back of the room, but you can't make them shuddup.  Trent Lott can't understand civil war in Iraq.

“It’s hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what’s wrong with these people,” he said. “Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Israeli’s and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.

          Yeah, I know the problem, Trent.  I can't tell the difference between you and a pig's hiney. 

         

   Looks the same to me.

 

 


September 28 - Major Political Announcement:  Dick Cheney is coming to Houston to fundraise for Shelley Sekula Hyphen Gibbs on Wednesday, October 4th -- a day that will go down in political history as What The Hell Was She Thinking Day.

          On another fun note, the $3 million that State GOP Party Chair Tina  Benkiser promised the national party would send here looks more than - oh, I dunno -  $14.78 American money.         

Although the party has yet to deliver anywhere near the $3 million once claimed by state GOP Chairwoman Tina Benkhiser, a spokesman for the National Republican Congressional Committee confirmed Wednesday that the group had donated $99,465 to assist the write-in campaign of Republican candidate Shelley Sekula-Gibbs.

          Honey, $99,465 won't even get you a priority appointment here at the beauty shop.  Bless her heart, we need to replace Shelley's campaign manager's "Sex on the Beach" t-shirt with one that says, "I'm With Sucker." 


September 28 - Speaking of a little too much testosterone, Congressional write-in candidate Silly Sekula Hyphen Gibbs just raised the bar on tacky in Houston, Texas, which ain't no easy feat. 

Several City Council members walked out on Councilwoman Shelley Sekula-Gibbs Wednesday, saying her rhetoric against a police policy on illegal immigrants exploited for political gain the death of an officer whose funeral they had just attended.

The symbolic move was the only time in recent memory that a group of council members left the chambers to protest a colleague's comments.

[more stuff here you might want to read.]

"I was embarrassed to be in the room with somebody talking like that," said Councilwoman Toni Lawrence, a Republican and one of the first to leave.

          We've been calling her Dip Stick around here because that woman is about a quart low on estrogen. 
          Hey, at least we discovered that Shelley owns something black to wear.   Muse thinks Shelley should have to register her clothes with Mattel.


September 28 - This headline is not classified as "News" at the Beauty Shop, we don't care if it is on CNN. 

Too much testosterone kills brain cells

"These effects of testosterone on neurons will have long-term effects on brain function," they wrote.

"Next time a muscle-bound guy in a sports car cuts you off on the highway, don't get mad -- just take a deep breath and realize that it might not be his fault," Ehrlich said in a statement.

          And then in the "No Shoot, Sherlock" Department .......

Ehrlich's team tried the same thing with the "female" hormone estrogen, just to be fair.

"We were surprised, but it actually looks like estrogen is neuroprotective. If anything, there is less cell death in the presence of estrogen," she said.

          The study also found that breathing was better than not breathing, and that Richard Nixon is still dead.  Brought to you by: Your friend, Mr. Science.


September 27 - I could be wrong, but I'd be willing to bet that this was not what Thomas Jefferson had in mind ....

          Couldn't get laid at the Chicken Ranch with a hen under each arm and a twenty dollar bill taped to their foreheads.


September 27 - Now I'm not saying that energy companies are so crooked that they could steal the gorilla from a nightmare, but TXU is under suspicion for manipulating the market.  

TXU Corp. may have manipulated wholesale electricity supplies and prices last year, according to an annual review of the Texas market.

An outside company hired by the state's Public Utility Commission found evidence that a power producer shut down some of its generating capacity on certain days in 2005 in order to squeeze supply and boost prices.

The report doesn't specifically name TXU, but it states that the company in question had about 13,000 megawatts of available capacity. The only company in Texas with that much juice is TXU.

The report by Potomac Economics Ltd. highlights a growing concern among industry insiders around the country that big companies could control local power generation markets, boost wholesale prices and squash competition.

The report also comes at a time when TXU is trying to get permits to increase its generation capacity by about 50 percent. The growth plan is already a hot political topic ahead of state elections because of pollution concerns.

          Deregulation - brought to you by those same friendly folks who brought you Enron and TXU. 


September 26 - You pay your money to send your kid to college and all you get is kinky stuff.  Kinky and Jesse – those two couldn’t get a brain neuron synapse with a jackhammer and two plugs.


September 26 - Okay, so I know that everybody nods off when I start talking about arithmetic and politics.  I know that most of you think it’s as boring as a school play that your kid isn’t in.
          I’ll try to make this interesting.  I have pictures and everything, so attempt to stay awake.  Hey, I put some effort into bringing you this information so brighten up!
          You recall ARMPAC, Tom DeLay’s little money laundering engine, and full employment proposal for his wife and daughter, that got him into more trouble than parachuting into a live volcano? 
          Heck, even Fox News fessed-up that maybe DeLay messed-up.
          Well, after the Federal Election Commission did an audit on ARMPAC that resulted in several pencils spontaneously combusting and three CPA’s falling to their knees in gusts of giggles, ARMPAC agreed to something called a Conciliation Agreement between FEC and ARMPAC for violations of the Federal Election Campaign Act.  
          In that agreement, ARMPAC agreed to go out of business and quit breaking the law, pay a $115,000 fine to the FEC, and promise to stop driving around Washington Dee Cee buck nakkid in their BMW’s yelling, “We are the golf gods” anymore.  Okay, so I made up the golf part, but if I was writing the agreement, it most certainly would have been in there.
          The agreement was signed on July 19th, 2006.  They had 30 days to pay to fine.   

This is just an amusing picture I threw in for entertainment value and to keep you awake. 

Wake the heck up!  The good part is coming.

          Okay, I admit that I am so mean that I make a hornet look cuddly, so I made an FOIA request at the FEC to see the check ARMPAC used to pay the fine.  (I think I just went over the UIL restrictions on usage of acronyms or glitter in one English sentence.  However, if you don’t know what those things mean, you wouldn’t be here anyway.)
          I was hoping they paid the fine late, but they didn’t. 
          However, in a charming moment of serendipity, I happened to notice that the check is a tad shy of $115,000. 

 

          In the cover letter, the nice FEC Public Liaison person tells me, “Our search of FEC records has revealed no other documents responsive to your request.”  So, there’s no other check for the remaining $8,128. owed on the fine.  Republican deadbeats.  Oh yeah, they’ve got $350,304 to pay to Tom DeLay’s wife and daughter, but they’re just a tad shy of being able to pay their fines.  Ain’t that just damn amusing? 
          And why, oh please tell me, did they use a bank check to pay the fine instead of the non-federal ARMPAC account?  Do you think they’re trying to hide something?  Honey, these boys are slicker than a pocket of banana pudding.  Of course they’re trying to hide something.        
          Now I hope I didn’t bore you too much, but Tom DeLay is still a twit and I’m glad I can prove it again and again.


September 26 - Okay, so it's not $3 million, but - hey - the NRCC did pay for a fake poll for Shelley at $12,000.  And, - last I heard - they promised to tie Dick Cheney to his desk to keep him from campaigning for her.  That's worth at least a million right there! 

http://www.fecinfo.com/ - try not to giggle
 

September 25 - Our county has become infested with rabid bats.  No, none of them have filed for political office yet, but a few have applied for jobs as campaign treasurers.


September 25I wonder - did the local GOP sober-up and realize that Dick Cheney has a lower approval rating than your average flesh-eating virus? I haven't heard anything more about Dick trotting on down here to help raise $3 million for Shelley.


September 24 - As if county commissioners didn't have enough explaining to do when they return on Monday, there's this piece of bully strong-arming against a county employee.  It smells of witness tampering.  No wait, I'm wrong.  It doesn't smell, it stinks to high hell of witness tampering.  It might even be official misconduct.
          The Texas Safari is where darned near every Republican fundraiser in the county is held.  James Patterson is a county commissioner. 
          Good on Stephen Palkot for getting this story.  Here's the story in PDF format because the Herald hasn't put it online.             
          Had Enough yet?  No?  Well, there's more coming. County commissioners aren't the only ones running around abusing their authority.  There's more to come.


September 24 - I wonder how many more checks the county commissioners will "find" now?
          Under the category of "Lay Down With Dogs, Get Up With Fleas," our county commissioners would take money from the devil himself and then plead that they didn't recognize those horns or cloven hoofs.
          Let's be kind and naive and believe the commissioners are telling the truth about not getting money from the scandal belch called PBS&J.  This is the one contribution they all admit getting 
274237 (click it to open in PDF format).  Take a look at the "straw men" all lined up in a row -- just like the investigation in Florida revealed. 
          Local investigation?  They'll just sit around and wait for everyone to die or the law to change. 


September 24 - Okay, thanks to Alfredo, we've got a fun toy for you this morning. There's a new site on the internets called LegiStorm
          You can use this site to look up the salaries of congressional staff.  You know how lazy your Congressman's caseworker is?  Find out what he's making and get really hacked off.
          One of my first stops, of course, was Tom DeLay.  If you check to see what an incompetent twit like Chris Homan was making before he quit DeLay's congressman staff to work for DeLay's political staff, you can understand why Homan was so darned mad to be unemployed.  Let's face it, there's not a big calling for "Wrecking Organizers" in the classified this morning.  And when there is a rare opening, usually a 4 year old gets it. 
          And, Alfredo points out that
Shannon Flaherty and Kevin Madden should have charged by the lie - they would have made far more money.  And look who has the lowest salary - DeLay's General Counsel!  Well that makes sense - it’s obvious that DeLay never consulted him.
          And, if you're stuck at home on a rainy day with nothing to do, hop on over to the FEC site to compare what these same folks are making for working on political work when they should have been working for us.
          And here's a little ditty about dirty payrolls from Harper's.  One party government is not a good thing.  There's no watchdogs.


September 23 - My Muse picked up on this Case of the Missing Hyphen.

Sekula-Gibbs is the Republican write-in candidate seeking Tom DeLay's former seat in the U.S. House of Representatives. But most voting, even write-in voting, is now done on electronic machines in the 22nd congressional district of Texas. The machine most commonly used in the district requires voters to enter the candidate's name letter by letter, and it doesn't allow hyphens, so Sekula-Gibbs has eliminated the hyphen in her last name in all her campaign materials.

          And, sadly for her, they say she still won't win, hyphen or not.  It appears that voters aren't as hyphenphobic as Shelley suspected. 


September 22 - Willie Nelson's public statement regarding being caught with a bag of Marijuana earlier this week:

"It's a good thing I had a bag of Marijuana instead of a bag of spinach. I'd be dead by now."

          I thought for sure that Willie would claim he was saving the grass and the mushrooms for bio-diesel fuel.  I'm not a lawyer so I don't know if that's a valid defense, but if I were on a jury, I could see the wisdom in it.


September 22 - I don't know if you people from foreign states know about this, but ...

Six months ago, the Texas Ethics Commission ruled that a politician in this state can receive checks, in this case worth $100,000, and report nothing more than the word "checks" on his disclosure form. Today the commission will decide whether the same ridiculous principle applies when someone gives a state official wads of cash.

Under a draft proposal before the commission, politicians would be able receive cash gifts worth any amount over $250 and report only a gift of unvalued "currency." Did they say "draft" proposal or "daft"?

          Well, this morning, Texas' DA, Ronnie Earle, said, "Its kind of like reporting you just received a wheelbarrow without having to mention it is filled with cash."  Gotta love Ronnie.
          The only way I know to fix this mess is to get rid of the State Legislature or get rid of cash money.  I vote for dumping every darned member of the Lege.  And if the replacement Lege doesn't take care of business, dump them in two years ... and on and on until some of them catch on and behave themselves.
          Good Lord, these guys are an embarrassment to even thieves.
          UPDATE:  In Austin this morning, the Texas Ethics Commission has decided to postpone any decision on gift definition until December.  Yes, December - after the election.  Where the dickens is William B. Travis and his courage now that we really, really need him?
          I'll have more on the meeting later but I gotta scamper over to the Democratic Women's Luncheon and Dish Fest.


September 21 - It the damnest thing I've read in a long time.

Housing Secretary Alphonso Jackson urged top aides to take contractors' politics into account when handing out grants and deals, an internal department review has found, though there is no "direct evidence" that favoritism actually occurred.

The department's inspector general began investigating Mr. Jackson after he boasted in a Dallas speech that he'd once scuttled a deal because the would-be contractor disparaged President Bush.

          Another Bush incompetent crony fails to see that governmental agencies work for the people, not "the administration." 
          Hey, at least this one admits he shot off his mouth.  Play to play, indeed!
          I've never seen such a large collection of men who need to go buy some Viagra instead of trying to be all hot shot.  That includes Cheney, Wolfowitz and Rumsfeld. 
          There ya go, Pay to Play Pizza!

          Add this disgusting story in this morning's New York Times about auditors from the Interior Department being blocked into checking underpayments, and you've got Crony Stew!

The auditors contend that they were blocked by their bosses from pursuing more than $30 million in fraudulent underpayments of royalties for oil produced in publicly owned waters in the Gulf of Mexico.

"The agency has lost its sense of mission, which is to protect American taxpayers,” said Bobby L. Maxwell, who was formerly in charge of Gulf of Mexico auditing. “These are assets that belong to the American public, and they are supposed to be used for things like education, public infrastructure and roadways."

          And then if you want to make Cahoot Hash, add one cup of this Washington Post story.

WASHINGTON -- Republican activists Grover Norquist and Ralph Reed landed more than 100 meetings inside the Bush White House, according to documents released Wednesday that provide the first official accounting of the access and influence the two presidential allies have enjoyed.

The White House released the Secret Service visit records to settle a lawsuit by the Democratic Party and an ethics watchdog group seeking visitors logs for the two GOP strategists and others who emerged as figures in the Jack Abramoff lobbying scandal.

Earlier this month, the White House suggested to the judge in that lawsuit that such records need not be disclosed because the information was privileged and might reveal how Bush and his staff get private advice, according to court documents obtained by The Associated Press


September 21 - For those of you keeping up with the continuing saga of Roseland, Indiana, the only place crazzzzier than Fort Bend County, our friend Kathy sends us an update.

ROSELAND -- Residents concerned about their town came in force Thursday night to an informational meeting at the Clay Township Civic and Democratic Club.

Everyone was welcome except Dorothy and David Snyder, the married couple who compose two-thirds of the Roseland Town Council. 

--- lotsa good stuff omitted here because you really need to go read it for yourself --- 

When the meeting started at 7 p.m., the Snyders were standing outside being interviewed by a television reporter.

They had been denied entry because the membership of the Clay Democrat and Civic Club had voted a couple of years ago not to allow them in the facility, according to McCombs.

          Kathy comments --- "I think it's time for them to move out of town if they can't even go to the Democratic Club.  Maybe they'll retire to Texas."
          Hey, Kathy, at least no old men were beat up this time!


September 20 - Our regular customer, Sam from Pearland, just sent me some very interesting information that you need to see.
          Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) has released their Second Annual report on the 20 most corrupt members of Congress. 

Two members have been removed from last year’s list of 13. Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-CA) is now serving an eight-year jail term for bribery and Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH) has agreed to plead guilty to crimes that will likely result in a minimum two-year prison term.

          The website they opened to follow the corruption is named - you're gonna love this -- www.beyonddelay.org/  Beyond DeLay.  I wish I had thought of that. 
          Yep.  There's Democrats on the list. Texas only has one listing - Pete Sessions, which comes as a shock to no one.  Since we lost Tom DeLay, California seems to have the franchise for corruption now.


September 20 - Okay, I'm going to be honest with you.  If Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott sends investigators to peek in my bathroom window, there's gonna be some investigators with buckshot in their rumps. 

Texas voter fraud law under fire

AUSTIN — Willie Ray, 69, said she thought she was teaching her granddaughter civics lessons in democracy, but instead the two black women in Texarkana ended up with criminal records for voter fraud.

Gloria Meeks of Fort Worth, also 69, said she stepped out of her morning bath last month and screamed. Two voter fraud investigators from Attorney General Greg Abbott's office were peeking in the bathroom window, Meeks said in a sworn statement.

Abbott's office declined to discuss specifics, but said its investigation of Meeks has been "conducted professionally and properly, to the full extent allowed by law."

          The last time there was voter fraud in this county, it was being done by a county employee getting votes for his Republican boss by lying to elderly Black voters about which primary they were voting in.  Nobody looked in his bathroom window.  In fact, nobody did nothing.  In fact, it was a Republican County Commissioner who did it and when he retired his brother Commissioners named the Senior Citizen's Center after him. 
          They didn't get the irony of that.  They still don't.
          I have been mad about that for 10 years.   I may not be able to do much, but Honey, I can really hold a grudge!


September 20 - Someone asked me how the Adopt a Sign program is going.  We've raised over $1,000 to buy more signs and we're still going.  I thank you.  Fort Bend Democrats thanks you.  America thanks you.
          I decided to put a few of the adoptions online for everyone to see.  Some are shown with their happy new owners!
          There's still time to get in this deal for as little as $10.  Republicans make one phone call and get $1,000 from a fat cat.  We get ours $20 at a time from people who want America to be America again.


September 20 - My friend Mike in Austin sent me this email this morning ---

Juanita,

I just got a phone poll call about political issues. The first series of questions was on a scale of 0-10 how would I rate:

Rick Perry=0

Tom DeLay-I asked if I could use negative numbers and the girl laughed and said "Unfortunately not"

George Bush=0

My congressman Lloyd Doggett=10

Mike
         

          Okay, so I got to wondering:  why would a poll in Austin include Tom DeLay?  It kinda confused me.  Hummmmm ..... why would a pollster want to know about Tom DeLay who's resigned from national office in disgrace.
          And then it hit me!
          Tom DeLay, with all his own felony indictments and the felony indictments of his friends where he'll have to testify, will have to spend a lot of time in his old haunt - Austin. 
          Tom DeLay is considering establishing residency in Austin and running for office there!  Think about it - it makes sense.
          He already has name ID there - it's where he earned the name Hot Tub Tom. 
          And getting free tickets to UT football games may be a steep step down from jetting all over the country for golf, but at least it's something for nothing and he's getting diddle squat now.
          Hey, look at it this way - he's probably polling better than Dick Cheney right now. 


September 19 - Lookie what evil Bob Perry is doing to the American political system in Indiana.

Phoning It In: Attack in Indiana by New, Well-Funded Conservative Group

Conservative group's automated calls tar House candidate with voting to let unsavory material be sold to kids.

          Expect Perry to do the same thing here for his friend Shelley Sekula-Gibbs.  It's probably time to change your phone number before you get assaulted with Perry-Political-Porn, too.
 

September 19 - Okay, everybody on your best behavior.  Momma’s back.
          I spent the day over at Momma’s house tinkering with her computer machine.  It’s been on the blink for a while so we got her a new one.  It has all the bells and whistles, but all she uses is email and one thing on her “Favorites” list (that would be me). 
        
  Momma is afraid to “surf” because she’s heard about all the pornography on the internet and she’s afraid that she’ll stumble across some and have a heart attack right there.  “And there y’all would find me dead in my chair with nasty pictures on my internet machine,” she explains seriously.    
          Momma don’t take to nasty real well.
          She had to ask me what “Mofo” meant when Governor Perry said it.  I explained it gently and clinically but still almost got my butt whipped by an 80 year old woman.  “Hump,” she said to end a conversation she really didn’t want to have, “I knew he was nasty when I first saw him.” 
          But Momma comes to my website because some of her lady church friends do, and she’s more than half scared that I’m gonna say something outrageous.  Momma and her friends are a bunch of Baptist Democrats who pray for Republicans but really don’t have much hope of Republicans ever acting like Jesus said to.  They don’t have much hope for those “hardshell” judgmental Southern Baptist either. 
          It’s a little known fact that my Momma and Aunt Gladys invent all those cute little “Amazing Women” emails that you get.  You know, the ones that have cute little blinking pictures of puppies and cartoon figures or roses and canned music.  That’s why Momma has email.  To exchange those emails with Aunt Gladys.  They just love those things.
          Momma now has a $780 computer set up, complete with color printer, to send Hallmark cards to Aunt Gladys.  Momma is happy.  Welcome back, Momma.


September 19 - Remember those robo-calls from Tom DeLay where he promised to name you Businessman of the Year if you coughed up some dough for the NRCC?  The FEC actually did an investigation of those calls and found they violated the FEC's regulations  

The complaint filed in this matter alleged that Congressman Tom DeLay solicited campaign contributions via phone calls under the guise of an award program. A review of the public record revealed that the NRCC was the source of the phone bank. The Commission found reason to believe that the NRCC may not have included disclaimers in these solicitations after November 2002, in violation of the law….. The Commission found reason to believe that a violation occurred.

             But then, of course, they decided not to do anything about it.

However, given the information indicating that the violations were the result of vendor error and the subsequent NRCC quality control measures and their apparent effectiveness, the Commission decided to send an admonishment letter and to take no further action.

           I'm strongly considering changing the FEC and the TEC "rules" to "suggestions for elected officials."


September 18 - Bob Ney plead guilty on Friday.  On Monday the head of the NRCC is extorting contributions from corporate PACs: 
          From Roll Call (by subscription only)

DeLay Redux? A roomful of about 100 high-dollar-donor lobbyists and political action committee directors huddled late last week with Rep. Tom Reynolds (N.Y.), chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee, for an election update and strategy session.

According to one source who was present at the meeting, Reynolds used the election briefing to spread the word that the endangered House GOP will not look favorably on PACs that start “hedging their bets” by upping their contributions to Democrats. The source at the meeting said Reynolds made sure the attendees know that the NRCC would have no choice but to report back to all House Republicans details of any PACs or companies that shift their giving.

“That’s an old [former Rep. Tom] DeLay (R-Texas) tactic,” said the source, who attended the meeting at the American Trucking Associations on Sept. 14. “Isn’t it that heavy-handed stuff that backfired and got him in trouble?”

NRCC spokesman Carl Forti said only, “We don’t discuss things that go on in private meetings.”

          You can smell the fear.  Hey, keep it up guys, and Tom won't be lonely in Club Fed.


September 18 - Who would have ever thought that the terrorists were going to get us by using spinach?
          I mean, it makes sense once you think about it.
          They probably saw those Popeye cartoons and figured that if they kill off all our vegans and healthy people, it's just be a snap to invade this country.  I will not let the terrorists win!  That's why I had a Hershey bar and a Diet Coke for lunch. If you eat healthy, you're just playing right into their hands.
          And they're even sending trucks full of it.  (I do not know how Bob wrote this story with a straight face.  You'd have to see the San Bernard River this time of year to know how funny this is.) 
 

A California man has been arrested after being caught dumping more than 100 boxes of bagged spinach and salad near the San Barnard River southwest of Needville.

The arrest comes as the U.S. Food and Drug Administration continues to warn consumers against eating fresh spinach or products that contain fresh spinach.

          You have to go read the whole story.  You really, really do.  Especially if you're from Texas.


September 18 - Oh rats.  I feel just awful about this.  Poor put-upon pathetic Bob Perry is going to need a legal defense fund

Attorney General Steve Carter has filed a lawsuit today in Brown County Circuit Court against a group making automated phone calls targeting Democratic congressional candidate Baron Hill 

Carter also is seeking a preliminary injunction against the California-based group, Economic Freedom Fund, which is financed by Bob J. Perry, a Texas homebuilder with close ties to White House adviser Karl Rove. Perry also bankrolled the Swift Boat attack ads against the war record of Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry in 2004 

Carter, a Republican, began investigating the calls after receiving complaints about them from people who live in the 9th Congressional District in southeastern Indiana. Hill is running to represent the district, against Republican U.S. Rep. Mike Sorrel and Libertarian Eric Schonberg

          Bob Perry?  Not being able to buy his way around the law?  When did that happen?


September 18 - Our friend Rich, out in Kentucky, gave us a heads-up this morning for some Republicans who haven't drank the Kool-aid.  The Washington Monthly says ---

Now seven prominent conservatives dare to speak the unspeakable: They hope the Republicans lose in 2006. Well, let’s be diplomatic and say they’d prefer divided government—soon. (Perhaps that formulation will fool Dennis Hastert.) Of course, all of them wish for the long-term health of conservatism, and most are loyal to the GOP. What they also believe, however, is that even if a Speaker Pelosi looms in the wings, sometimes the best remedy for a party gone astray is to give it a session in the time-out chair.

          Everything they say is true for our local races, too.  County government has become bloated, self-serving, lazy, and Cronyville under Republican dominance. 
          And, as luck would have it, four of the creepiest local Republicans have opponents this election.


September 17 - Reason #487 why I can’t be a Republican.
          I got an email from a local Republican big time political activist who we shall call A.D. who lives in Katy, Texas – a part of Fort Bend County.  I won’t embarrass A.D. worldwide by saying his last name right here, but locals know who he is.  If any of you locals don’t know who he is, ask Sheriff Milton Wright and depending on which side of Milton’s mouth he’s using that day, A.D. is either a great guy or a total idiot.  I kinda stand in the middle of those opinions.
          So, Ole A.D. sends me this email last Friday:

Don’t forget about Katy.  What do you local guys have for us?  We had the first women to run for County Judge.  The local democrats are stuck on ethnics.    

          Now, first I’m going with the obvious.  Ethnics?  I spent a whole mess of time and money at Rita Mae’s College of Cosmetology and Shakespearian Studies, but I have no idea what an “ethnics” is. 
          Best I can figure, it might be misspelling a character trait of somebody with a lot of morals, like maybe, “I’d trust Rev. Jim to take cash to the bank for me.  He’s got a lot of ethnics.”
          If that is what A.D. meant – then yeah, local Democrats are a little concerned about the ethics of some elected Republicans and you should be, too.  Thank you for reminding everyone.
          However, I am pretty darned sure that A.D. sat at his computer and mulled over an enlightened word for “colored people” for a long time.  Can’t you just see him at a backyard bar-be-que saying, “Hey, I’ve got nothing against ethnics.  Some of them are my best friends.”
          I’m going with the second explanation.  After a frightening primary, our local Republicans elected what we refer to as the Fluffy White Male Slate.  Any minority or woman who went up against a white male in the GOP primary got whipped.  Badly.  I don’t know why they just didn’t send Dick Cheney down here to shoot them in the face – it would have been less humiliating and could have looked like an accident.  But, having every single woman and minority lose in the primary looks pretty much looks like it was done by Republicans on purpose.
          Yes, local Democrats have highly qualified minorities and women running for elective office in this county.  In county wide races, they a female Hispanic, a male Hispanic, a female South Asian, and – ta da! – a white male, and he’s Czech so that makes him especially white in this county.
          The bottom line is that the GOP has the all fluffy white male ticket and the Democrat’s ticket reflects the population of this county.  YOU tell ME who’s stuck, Honey.
          Now we get to the other conservative radio talk show talking points in the email.
          Yes, Katy did have the first woman to run for County Judge.  She got whipped.  Twice.  In the GOP primary.  By fluffy white fellas.  Your point is ……?
          Not one single county elected official comes from Katy.  That heavily Republican area has not elected even one person to a county office.  All of them have been beaten in the Republican primary.             
          However, there is a very qualified Democratic candidate running for Justice of the Peace from Katy.  His name is Farhan Shamsi – oh dear, an ethnics.


September 17 - Et tu, Joe Scarborough?

I can't help but feel sorry for my old Republican friends in Congress who are fighting for their political lives. After all, it must be tough explaining to voters at their local Baptist church's Keep Congress Conservative Day that it was their party that took a $155 billion surplus and turned it into a record-setting $400 billion deficit.

How exactly does one convince the teeming masses that Republicans deserve to stay in power despite botching a war, doubling the national debt, keeping company with Jack Abramoff, fumbling the response to Hurricane Katrina, expanding the government at record rates, raising cronyism to an art form, playing poker with Duke Cunningham, isolating America and repeatedly electing Tom DeLay as their House majority leader?

How does a God-fearing Reagan Republican explain all that away?

Easy. Blame George W. Bush.

Escaping political death by attacking an unpopular president is hardly new -- especially since most endangered politicians have the loyalty of a starving billy goat. But this is Dubya's Washington, where the White House has pushed around, bullied and betrayed GOP lawmakers for years.

          And Shelley Sekula Gibbs is bringing Dick Cheney to Houston to fundraise for her.  Has any Republican thought this though?  I mean, why don't they just say, "Dick Cheney is coming to dinner and spinach salad will be served."
          If local Republicans get any nuttier, we need to replace all those railroad coal cars running through here with Prozac trains.


September 17 - As we all know, Bob “As Innocent As Tom DeLay” plead guilty.  Buried deep in Bob Ney's plea agreement is the fact that Bob Ney tried to insert an amendment in the Help America Vote Act to allow Stolichnaya vodka to label its product "Made in Russia" when in fact it is made in another country.  Stoli kicked in $25,000 for Ney's St. Andrews golf trip.
         
Wait a minute.  Let me think ..... Crooked politician. Crooked liquor company who wants to label its product as coming from one place when its made in another.  I've heard this song before. 
          Oh, yeah - Bacardi stole the "Havana Club" trademark the same way.
         
And who's been helping Bacardi steal the Havana Club label? Mel Martinez.  But that's only fair - Bacardi held an illegal fundraising event for Mel that brought in over $60,000.
         
Hmmm, maybe Martinez gave Ney the idea - there's big money to be made stealing famous trademarks . . .   Just ask Tom DeLay, the inventor of pay to play.
          Good thing our county commissioners and county judge can’t sell trademarks.  They have to settle for selling out the taxpayers’ money instead.
          And speaking of crooked politicians ... Rick Casey in today's Houston Chronicle is tired of "lifestyles," too.


September 16 - Okay, so thanks to Tom DeLay and Rick Perry we've got two elections going on at the same time here, about a half dozen write-in candidates for one of those elections - none with easy names, a brand spankin' new election administrator, and we're using electronic voting machines for the first time in a major election. 
          On top of that, last I heard Vegas was giving even odds that something is going to leak or break or go kerplunk in Fort Bend on election day. 
          Add all that together and you've got - a damn mess bigger than pre-school fingerpainting day.  Yes, you do.
          It appears that while the rest of the country is not experiencing all the difficulties we are, they are still predicting chaos.           

An overhaul in how states and localities record votes and administer elections since the Florida recount battle six years ago has created conditions that could trigger a repeat -- this time on a national scale -- of last week's Election Day debacle in the Maryland suburbs, election experts said.

In the Nov. 7 election, more than 80 percent of voters will use electronic voting machines, and a third of all precincts this year are using the technology for the first time. The changes are part of a national wave, prompted by the federal Help America Vote Act of 2002 and numerous revisions of state laws, that led to the replacement of outdated voting machines with computer-based electronic machines, along with centralized databases of registered voters and other steps to refine the administration of elections.

But in Maryland last Tuesday, a combination of human blunders and technological glitches caused long lines and delays in vote-counting. The problems, which followed ones earlier this year in Ohio, Illinois and several other states, have contributed to doubts among some experts about whether the new systems are reliable and whether election officials are adequately prepared to use them

          Me?  I'm voting early and often.


September 15 - Well, local Democrats have some people fooled.  They are working hard, but they're not nearly as well-funded as you'd suspect. (If you'll adopt a sign, it'll help.)  The local newspaper says -----

The Democratic Party in Fort Bend County this year is well-funded and has been highly active, said more than one Republican candidate at the Fort Bend County Republican Party Executive Committee meeting on Thursday.

Fort Bend County has long been considered solidly Republican, but several contested candidates on Thursday evening told fellow Republicans that without a unified party and adequate funding, county-wide Democratic candidates could be elected into some offices for the first time in years.

          Read the whole article.  The tide is turning and it's starting here.
          Local Democrats in Fort Bend aren't funded by the big boys, corporations, or the national party.  They are funded through bar-be-ques, garage sales, adopt-a-sign, and donations from members.  They are serious about this, and work like the dickens.  The Fort Bend Democrats Club has led the way in putting Democrats back on the map in this county.
          Be a part of something that will make history - donate to Fort Bend Democrats  Adopt a Sign or Send a check
         


September 15 - For those of you keeping score for the County Commissioners and the County Judge's "Lay Down With Dogs, Get Up With Fleas" Money Marathon, you need no longer wonder why PBS&J would want to buy influence with politicians who are giving them only half a million in business.
          Lookie here what a customer found with a quick Google search.

The FBCTRA [Fort Bend County Toll Road Authority] selected the Brown & Gay (BGE)/PBS&J team due to BGE’s local knowledge and PBS&J’s general engineering consultant (GEC) and program management experience

          Guess who appoints the Board of Directors of the Toll Road Authority?  No, seriously, guess.  Okay, you're starting to hack me off.  This game isn't any fun if you always know the answer. 


September 15 - The missing receipt.  The Houston Chronicle reports this morning that …..

A stone slab found in the state of Veracruz in Mexico bears 3,000-year-old writing previously unknown to scholars, according to archaeologists who say it is an example of the oldest script ever discovered in the Western Hemisphere.

The order and pattern of carved symbols appeared to be that of a true writing system, according to the Mexican scientists who have studied the slab and colleagues from the United States. It has characteristics strikingly similar to imagery of the Olmec civilization, considered the earliest in pre-Columbian America, they said.

          We here at the beauty shop figured it out very quickly.  It’s clearly a campaign contribution receipt.  According to our multi-linguist manicurist, Darleen, the receipt says Congressman Jotec Tslaque has been awarded a contribution of 4,523 rocks in exchange for his vote to give dart gun contracts to Halliburton.
          Some things never change.


September 14 - And the beat goes on.
          Okay, somebody ain't telling the truth.  PBJ&S Engineering firm says they are giving money to our county commissioners and the county judge.  Bob Dunn checked and found that  - uh oh - most of them aren't reporting that money.
          Somebody is violating campaign finance laws, either in Florida or here.  I'm certain that Bob will keep on it like oxygen on air.
          I wish I had a friend at the IRS to check all these "charitable contributions" that commissioners give and the re-imbursement checks they write to themselves.  There is so much room for hanky-panky and these boys are so darned greedy. 
          By the way, you, too, can be an investigative reporter.  Check the materials here against the reports here


September 14 - I know you're gonna say, "What's the odd of this originating in Texas again?" but there's another religious cult who has buried themselves in bunkers because the world was gonna go kaboom in a nuclear explosion on September 12 but they forgot about the International Time Zone deal so now it's gonna happen September 13 which has already passed but there's no way to let them know because they built bunkers in Kenya and ain't coming out because we could be the devil just trying to fool them when we say everything is okay.
          Abilene.  I've been to Abilene.  If the world ended, Abilene wouldn't get the news for years.  I guess they figured that bunkers in Abilene would be too hard to build.


September 14 - The House of Representatives just voted to build a 700 mile fence along the border with Mexico.  They didn't say if that was horizontal or vertical.  Neither way won't do any good. 
          I think we should just dig a big hole and pour money in it.  Oh wait; we did.  We call it Congress.
          I heard someone say that they only thing a 10 foot fence would help is the 11 foot ladder industry. 


September 14 - I always wanted to live in a world with Ann Richards in it.
          Here's a great Ann story as told by Molly Ivins, and a picture of Ann dancing with one of my sons during happy days.

Several years ago there was a big political do at Scholz Beer Garten in Austin and everybody who was anybody in political Texas was there, meetin' and greetin' at a furious pace. About halfway through the evening, a little group of us got the tired feet and went to lean our butts against a table by the back wall of the Garten. Like birds in a row were perched Bob Bullock, the state comptroller; me; Charlie Miles, a black man who was then head of Bullock's personnel department (and the reason Bullock had such a good record on minority hiring); and Ms. Ann Richards.

Bullock, having been in Texas politics for thirty some-odd years, consequently knew every living sorry, no-account sumbitch who ever held office. A dreadful old racist judge from East Texas came up to him, "Bob, my boy, how are yew?" The two of them commenced to clap one another on the back and have a big greetin'.

"Judge," said Bullock. "I want you to meet my friends. This is Molly Ivins with the Texas Observer."

The judge peered up at me and said, "How yew, little lady?"

"This is Charles Miles, who heads my personnel department." Charlie stuck out his hand and the judge got an expression on his face as though he had just stepped into a fresh cowpie. It took him a long minute before he reached out, barely touched Charlie's hand and said, "How you, boy?" Then he turned with great relief to pretty, blue-eyed Ann Richards and said, "And who is this lovely lady?"

Ann beamed and said, "I am Mrs. Miles."


September 13 - Bob Dunn at Fort Bend Now is real smart.  He took the PBS&J story one step further than I did and called the county commissioners to see if they were willing to talk.  I'd say that they played dumb, except it's not playing for them.
          You can read Bob's amazing story by clicking here.

In its most recent local activity, PBS&J PAC made political contributions of $800, $2,000 and $2,500, respectively, to Stavinoha, Meyers and Hebert, all on March 6, 2006. 

A week before the contributions were made, Hebert, Meyers and Stavinoha joined Prestage and Patterson in unanimously voting to extend an engineering services contract for PBS&J. 

According to information from the Fort Bend County Engineer’s office, the contract involves preliminary engineering and right-of-way acquisition services for a Texas Department of Transportation project to widen F.M. 359 near Richmond. 

However, no information obtained in preparing this report suggests the timing of the contribution is more than coincidence.

          There are more coincidences at Commissioner's Court than legally allowed by the fiction section of your local library.  That many coincidences in a story moves it to the fantasy section.
          It appears that Commissioner Andy Meyers got his talking points straight from Jack Abramoff, Bob Ney, and the K Street crooks.

Meyers said engineering firms wanting to do business with the county all have been told the same thing by commissioners – “at some point…it will be your turn.”

          Yes, it'll be your turn as soon as you give Andy some money. 
          And you thought I was upset over their 17% payraise?  Oh Honey.  You ain't even seen upset yet.  I'm boot kicking mad.
        


September 13 - Tom DeLay's sub-career of changing America one Dancing with Stars episode at a time has fallen on hard times.
          Today's Dallas Morning News reports that the evil dance-o-fascists have intervened with Texas's highest criminal appeals court to conspire against Tom DeLay and his idol, Sara Evans

AUSTIN - Texas' highest criminal appeals court said Wednesday it would consider reinstating a dropped conspiracy charge against former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, further delaying his trial on felony money laundering and conspiracy counts.

          Dirty rotten dancing-hating Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.  They are obviously Harry Hamlim fans and they hate Tom DeLay and his American dancing values!
          The Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club will be all atwitter over this.  They will be some strongly worded letters written, I can assure you of that! 


September 13 - This is kinda an important story so stick with me.
          The Miami Herald has broken a story that goes to the core of corrupt pay to play politics and, of course, there’s a Fort Bend County connection.
          The Miami Herald tells the story of a company – PBS&J – who gave illegal campaign contributions to secure lucrative government contracts.  Their investigation centers on Miami’s connection, but, the Herald contends, this appears to have happened all over the Unites States. 

The Miami-based engineering company being investigated for alleged campaign law violations has been a prolific giver to election campaigns, handing out more than $500,000 in political contributions since 2003, The Miami Herald has found.

PBS & J and its leadership have backed scores of candidates across the country, Republicans and Democrats, for offices with influence over the kinds of lucrative government contracts the company often seeks.

          Fort Bend County is included on that list of shame.
          Our four county commissioners and the county judge have eagerly taken political contributions – some even yearly – from PBS&J.  And PBS&J got their money’s worth.
          According to the Fort Bend County Auditor, Fort Bend County itself does a moderate amount of business with PBS&J.  I filed an open records request to see how much business Fort Bend does with PBS&J

 

           After that, it was a short trip to see if our county commissioners and county judge, the body that decides which engineering firms get county business with non-bid contracts, are taking campaign contributions from PBS&J.  As I suspected, every one of them is a PBS&J slut – a couple of them just get a better price than others.  It’s merely a call girl versus street vendor situation.
          To no one’s shock, County Judge Bob Hebert and Commissioner Andy Meyers are the worse offenders.  The two beasts of greed, Meyers and Hebert, are the reason that check writing machines were invented – you simply cannot write checks to them fast enough by hand. 

County Judge Bob Hebert's political contributions from PBS&J are below:

And Andy Meyers, our Christian Coalition Commissioner?  He's a high priced hooker, too.  Take a look.

I used to always complain that I didn't mind that our County Commissioners are for sale.  Heck, everybody is for sale.  I just minded that they are for sale so damn cheap.  Some are. Here's Grady Prestage, James Patterson, and Tom Stavinoha.

          You know, being a county commissioner is the best paying job any of these guys have ever had.  They make $100,000 a year of your money with great benefits that you pay for.  You'd think they'd try their darnest to keep from embarrassing you by doing pay-for-play business with crooks.
          Check out the chart in the Miami Herald article.  They are concerned with much smaller contributions than these.
          There's more to come......


September 12 - Since this is a beauty salon, we occasionally feel the need to link to beauty sites.  And since this is also a professional political organization, we often link to political sites, too.
          Sometimes we kill two birds with one stone.
          Raw Story comments on the eight worst trends in congressional coifs
          We are strongly considering doing the same story for local politics.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid. 

Pictured:  A splendidly coifed Andy Meyers

 


September 12 - Throwing in the towel and dissing David.  Republicans come to their senses.
          Texas Insider has their own Jason Kriss heave the big sigh and wave the white flag.  In discussing what the GOP should do in DeLay's old district, Kriss grabs hold of some sanity and tries to spoon feed it to those who are still delusional  ----

Second, no amount of money will win the race.  It wouldn’t matter if the Republicans sent $10 million dollars to the Gibbs Campaign.  She couldn’t spend it in a manner to get any bang for the buck.  Television and radio time have already been bought up by candidates for Governor, Congress, State Representative, Senate, and other offices.  Voters getting 2 direct mail pieces every day from now until the election would still not overcome the margin needed to make a credible showing.  Any money the state or national party sends to this district would be better spent defending our majorities in the Congress, and Texas House and Senate.

          In suggesting who the GOP should run in 2008, Kriss says, 

The first names that come to mind would be Eckels, Bettencourt and Talton. 

          And then to rub salt in the wound, their qualifications are based on the exact things that Wallace lacks. 

All three of these men are conservatives who have a reputation for being honorable leaders that at the same time can have a record of conservative principles to stand on. 

All three of these men know how to campaign and raise money. 

All three also know how important it is to help grow the party at the local and state level.

          But they don't have great hair!  Wallace gets to keep the great hair title.  Hey, if you gotta have something, great hair ain't a bad thing to have. 


September 12 - And in an about-face of State Rep Gene Seaman blaming his wife for political troubles, maybe Nandy Berry has justification for spousal blame.  Nandy’s husband, Houston City Councilman Michael Berry, has declared war on cats.  
          Nandy has been mentioned as a replacement candidate for Shelley Sekula-Gibbs since Shelley got suckered into the special election race.
          Berry occasionally suffers from that disease where your mouth gets about half a mile ahead of your good sense.   

Now in his third and final term on council, Berry risked raising the hackles of a good chunk of the electorate by describing cat owners as "un-American" and proposing an ordinance to allow diners to bring their dogs onto restaurants' outdoor patio. 

According to Berry, no invitation will be issued to feline owners. "Cats are not cool," Berry told Chronicle columnist Ken Hoffman. "They don't belong in restaurants or near people food. Cats aren't even good pets. You don't own a cat; a cat owns you.”

           Michael, if you want your wife to stay home and cook instead of running for city council, maybe you could insult the San Jacinto Monument next. 


September 12 - It appears that County Judge Bob Hebert has back-up lights on that tricycle he’s riding down the sidewalk on Money Street. 
          Remember how the County Judge waited until 2 members of Commissioners Court were absent to shove through a 17% payraise while giving county employees 3%?  People present said that the next agenda item was to tie a widow lady to a railroad track, but extra rope wasn’t in the budget so they sent it back to committee for further study to see if they could use barbed wire to tie her up instead.
          Much to the County Judge’s shock, some people think that making Bob Hebert needlessly rich ain’t real high on the taxpayer’s agenda. 
          It’s really not Hebert’s fault for thinking this.  There’s so many people blowing smoke up his butt that the poor man has to go to a fat farm every couple of years just to be able to fit in a chair.  Nadine thinks that he had bypass surgery during his last fat farm visit so now all that smoke is going straight to his head.
          Anyhow, I guess enough county employees made oinking sounds as he walked by, because now he’s spinning like a windmill in a tornado

He and other elected officials furthermore said another raise for the elected officials in question would not happen until the Texas Legislature votes to increase the salaries of district judges.

On Monday, however, Hebert denied that is the county's policy when asked to clarify an Aug. 11 e-mail by one of his staff members, which stated that "the court may consider a COLA (cost of living adjustment) adjustment if the legislature delays an extended period of years."

          Stay tuned.  You’ll want to be around when his pants catch fire and nobody notices because they thought it was just more smoke.


September 11 - My Muse of all things fashionista and politicalite has a story of tragic proportions --- a Congressional campaign song.  According to My Muse, she has links and everything.  Shelley is making news already, but it's not good news.

You remember I told you about how I saw her at the Shrimp Fest accosting people and telling them that they had to vote for her twice, holding up first one finger, then the other while she told them about the special and general elections. I knew there was a detail I omitted. She did this in a SING SONG voice.

          It's a downhill side from there.


September 11- Poor Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace.  I mean, the guy just can’t catch a break. 
          First, he gets suckered by the Sekula-Gibbs campaign into dropping out of the race for CD22, now his campaign manager’s law firm looses another courtroom battle.
          Remember back when David filed an amicus brief with the Court of Appeals?  Of course you remember.  The brief was so bad that it was arguably the one thing that threw the whole tamale in the Democrats' favor. 
          Next thing we knew, Wallace’s lawyer (who also happened to be his campaign manager) asked the FEC if they had report their legal work as a corporation donation to Wallace
          Soooo, while Wallace was trying to pretend he was the Knight on a White Horse who’d come to save the Republican party from the horrors of the rule of law here at home by spending $10,000 from his campaign account to pay for this wondrous magical brief, he was playing a different fiddle at the FEC.  He was trying not to pay the $10,000.
          The advisory opinion came today.  They said, “Yo, Bub, no corporate contributions means no corporate contributions.  What is it about NO that you and your legal eagles don’t comprede?”         
          Well, they said it nicer than that, but that’s what they said.  Here’s the paperwork
         
While this is just an advisory opinion ( the final opinion comes on Thursday), the odds of the FEC disagreeing are about the same as Wallace winning a write-in in Clear Lake.  Zero.
          Poor Sugar Land mayor David Wallace.  The guy just can’t catch a break.  Here or there.  He's gotta pay his lawyers ten thousand dollars - for something that didn't work. 


September 11 - Okay, everybody get one.  Don’t be showing up at the beauty shop without one.  My friend Julie in California just went into the Café Press business and has the best darned tee-shirt and bumper sticker I’ve seen so far.  You gotta go get your own ‘cuz I ain’t letting you borrow mine. 


September 11 - John Kelso on Tom DeLay's new profession of pimping for contestants on Dancing with the Stars.---

The good news here is that it's nice to see a Republican getting involved in the arts. The bad news is that if this is the arts, then Sponge Bob is cinema.

But the interest in television doesn't surprise me. Hey, if there's cash in it for the Republican Party, DeLay would go on "Queer Eye" to get a wax job and his eyebrows plucked.

          It was worth waiting for, wasn't it?


September 11 - Looks like Ole Kinky is promising a cop on every corner, which don’t say much for the state of affairs he thinks Texas will be in if he’s elected.
          I wonder if he’s heard about Sheriff Milton Wright’s “Hole-up in a Winnebego” plan?  By the way, a friend told me yesterday that everybody around town is calling it the Hoochy Coupe.  Dang, I wish I had thought of that.


September 11 - Okay, okay.  This is so great.  You remember the Joe Reasbeck guy from Travis County who up and decided to run as a write-in for Texas 22?  None of us could find out anything about him – he wouldn’t even answer his phone when I called him to find out who he is. 
          Well, my friend Bob found him.  Candidate Reasbeck has a MySpace blog.  No, I am not lying.  He does.  Take a deep breath and give it a quick click before you lose your nerve
          On the upside, he’s got a real pretty wife.  And issues.  I mean, you gotta hand it to him, he has issues.  That’s more than Shelley has.  He’s a Aries and his wife is a Gemini for those of you who base your vote on Astrological signs instead of issues. 
          On the downside, he’s 37 years old and he has a MySpace blog. 


September 10 - I am so sorry to report that Texas’s own Jake Johnson has gone on to the great House Chamber in the Sky.  San Antonio lost a legend and Texas politics lost one of it’s biggest fans.
          He once suckered 22 Texas House members into voting against the Bill of Rights.  Of course that was back when it was unpopular to oppose the Bill of Rights.  
          You can tell if somebody has been around Texas politics for a long time if they can tell you why the best sound bite ever is "The land commissioner is choking me."  Great story.


September 10 - Yesterday I was honored to get to hear everybody’s favorite Texas Democratic Party County Chairman, Evelyn Burleson of Calhoon County, speak in Edna, Texas.  Honey, Evelyn can part the waters with words.  A true Texas lady, Evelyn has a lifetime of wisdom, wit, and the most slow sweet Texas drawl that ever slid into your ear. 
          Evelyn’s message is that Republicans are too darned mean-spirited to be in charge of anything.  She smiled and made the word “mean” have three syllables when she told stories of just pure orneriness that Republicans in her county exhibit, including but not limited to, sending people to pester her at church. 
          But the quote that send the crowd to their feet was when she slowly but confidently explained that, “Conservatism is just a political justification for being stingy!”  Amen, Evelyn. 

         Right here is Evelyn with three gentlemen admirers.  The picture, of course, was taken right before the football game so Evelyn had her trademark "Hook 'Em" in every picture taken.  If you ever get a chance to hear her speak, hurry fast and get a front row seat!

          Thanks to my friend Stephen Jabbour, Chairman of Victoria County Democratic Party, for helping put this event together.  If you want to read more about it, check my favorite blogger.


September 10 - Texas Weekly (subscription only) has a nifty article this week about Texas lawmakers buying property in Austin, putting it in their wives’ names and then paying “rent” to their wives from political campaign accounts. 
          It’s a hitch in the law against enriching themselves with campaign funds, but it’s apparently legal under the theory that you can never make anything foolproof because there will always be a bigger, better fool. 
          What this amounts to is that lobbyists buy lawmakers’ spouses a fancy condo.  It’s a cool gig if you can get it.
          Texas Weekly's research found 4 members of the Texas Lege taking advantage of this new home financing scheme, all Republicans. 
          However, one of our favorite Bob Perryista candidates, Gene Seaman, Republican – Corpus Christi, got his tongue stuck to an ice pole when trying to explain other odd financial happenings ---
 

Seaman has a problem the others don't have: He and his wife are claiming homestead and over-65 exemptions on properties in both Nueces and Travis Counties. Seaman didn't return our calls himself. Mac McCall, a campaign consultant to Seaman, says the double-exemptions are a mistake that the couple didn't even know about until we asked. And he puts the blame squarely on the candidate's wife: "Ellen owns the property. She made an honest mistake and was totally unaware of it until you raised the question. This is not a Gene Seaman mistake."

          Republican men do not make mistakes.  Ever.  Well, except for marrying mistake-prone women.  And their mothers made them do that so it really doesn’t count.
          Texas Weekly does a great job of breaking down the numbers on the properties.  There's really embarrassing greed involved.
          Seaman’s opponent, Juan Garcia, is leading Seaman in fundraising and poll numbers.   By the way, the only challenge to Shane Sklar's cammo campaign shirts to being the Best in Texas are Garcia's "Army of Juan."  Close call.  If you're smart like me, you'll add both to your collection.

Update:  The Caller-Times has a story on it, too.


September 9 - I accidentally heard Tucker Carlson say on teevee last night that there is no irony in Tom DeLayLand. 
          Tucker was referring to the Tom DeLay political email in support of his favorite dancer on a teevee reality show and the sad lack of reality that DeLay has become.
          Well, Rev. Al Sharpton has jumped into the dancing fray and, as he is apt to do, made fun of making fun.

Now the Rev. Al Sharpton, a staunch Democrat, has thrown his support behind conservative MSNBC pundit Tucker Carlson.

"We are living in trying and uncertain times," the good reverend writes, tongue in cheek. "That's why now, more than ever, we need a strong leader who will stand up for what we believe. Better yet, we need a leader who will dance for what we believe. Tucker Carlson is just such a dancer

          I don't care who you are, that's funny.


September 9 - In Texas, she would have taken her SUV and shotgun, ran him over a couple of times and then filled his butt with more lead than a sinker factory. 

Jilted Bride Turns Wedding Into Charity

          Thanks to my friend Carol in Vermont for reminding us that sometimes the best way to get even is to be gracious. 


September 8 - - Honey, we’ve got law in this state against torturing cockroaches, but what we really need are laws against torturing language or twisting logic to death.  As I predicted on Tuesday, Shelley’s push poll has actual results.    

--Sekula Gibbs is at 46% versus Lampson's 35%, and the generic ballot in this district provides a Republican with an 11-point lead.

          The second half the sentence ain’t even related by marriage to the first half of the sentence. There’s a reason why Shelley didn’t release the poll questions or information about where the calls were placed.  There’s also reason why the terms “generic ballot” were used in the press release. 
          Nobody with a brain cell collection believes that Shelley leads Lampson by 11%.  Goodness sakes, DeLay only won by 5%.  Bizarro, indeed.
          There’s more ----- 

--85% of voters know that there is a Republican write-in candidate;
furthermore, more than 50% recognize the nominee to be Shelley Sekula Gibbs.

          But, the poll wasn’t meant for people who live here in the district.  It was sent all over Washington, DeeCee, to impress the pay-for-play politics of corruption guys.  Hey, maybe the Sex on the Beach tee-shirt would have impressed them more!


September 7 - Sweet Holy Mother of Government Waste.  Sheriff Milton Wright has a mobile unit for his special prisoners!
          No, no, wait .... I can't stand it.  Let's think on this.  Okay, Milton Wright has a customized Winnebago just in time for hunting season! 
          You're gonna have to click on the little picture for the full effect because this sucker is wider than your computer screen.  Why, a picture of this wasted money weighs 15 pounds!



          And he put his name on it!  Honey, you gotta have a real tiny little dinky to need your name on that sucker!  We taxpayers already spent a boatload of money getting a ruling that Milton can't go around putting his name on things, even if it's something he can use for a tailgate party.
          I'm going to ponder tomorrow on what you could do with this behemoth and who the hell is gonna pay for the gas?
          I give them a week to put spinners on it.
          Okay, the humor gods have smiled on me once again.  I'll get a month out of this.  Sorry, taxpayers. 
          If they needed a mobile communications unit, couldn't we have just bought them a pre-paid boost mobile calling plan to say, "Where yat?"
           If our commander lacks mobility, wouldn't a souped-up Rascal do the trick?
          You know the saying --- One Texas Ranger; one hideous hyperbole. 
          The last time I saw anything this funny, it was in the movie Stripes.
          I have to quit.  I need to save some for next week. 


September 7 - Can I hear an Amen out there?  District Clerk candidate Veronica Torres and Justice of the Peace candidate Farhan Shamsi have refused the obscene 17% + pay raise that county commissioners and the county judge gave to all elected officials.

By giving adequate pay to the people who do the real work of the county, our offices will run more efficiently and better serve the people of Fort Bend County.

          That's a novel concept:  pay the people who do the actual work.


September 7 - Okay, so do you think the Aledo City Council would come pray over my broken sink drain?

Religious leaders in North Texas have been pleading to the heavens for rain for a long time -- in fact, the minister who gave the invocation before the Aug. 31 council meeting said a prayer for rain, he said.

Doherty also pointed to recent weather as evidence that prayer works.

"The resolution passed Thursday, and on Friday, we got a good rain," he said. "We had the day of prayer Sunday, and we got another good rain Monday."

          It all started when the city council met in an illegal closed session, confiscated public record documents, and took a reporter's notes.  Fun story.  Reminds me of the time that one of County Attorney Bud Childers' lawyers grabbed papers out of my hand and ran into the restroom to hide.  She was a woman.  So am I.  There's only one door in and out.  Dumb.
          So Aledo wants to challenge Roseland, huh?


September 7 - Prediction:  this will be the next major scandal to hit Fort Bend County, and, of course, it involves Tom DeLay's friends.  Tom's plan was to get all his friends in legal trouble, too, so he wouldn't be lonely in prison.
          I have never been a fan of the Fort Bend Economic Development Council, but now we may be looking at some rich-off-the-taxpayer's-teat-good-ole-boys in deep hurt.  For at least 10 years, the EDC has been given full rein and a free ride in this county.  Reckoning time may well be here. 
          However, disgrace and resignation may be the best we can hope for because our District Attorney can't, won't, is too dumb to, has too many Republican friends, is a scared little boy, whatever ....

Is the Texas Energy Center a taxpayer-financed boondoggle for the oil and gas industry, or an economic development driver of new jobs and cutting-edge technology? Consider these facts:

The TEC has received $3.6 million from Gov. Rick Perry's economic development slush fund and is guaranteed federal funding over the next decade as the "host facility" of a nonprofit consortium called the Research Partnership to Secure Energy for America, whose members include Halliburton and Fluor Corp. Former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay is credited with slipping the consortium provision into an omnibus energy bill that Congress passed in 2005. 

The founders of the TEC hold strong ties to former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay.

The TEC is managed by DeLay's friends at the Greater Fort Bend Economic Development Council. The TEC has no executive director, no Web site (the original Web site was taken down in 2005), and no proof of the 365 jobs it claims to have created.

The TEC, the Fort Bend economic development council, the Fluor Corp., and a Halliburton subsidiary, Kellogg, Brown & Root, all lease office space at the same prestigious address (along with Sunoco Logistics and a TXU call center) – One Fluor Daniel Drive in Delay's hometown of Sugar Land.

          Over a year ago, the bacon was slipped into a bill after everyone went home. 


September 6 - So she was all like, “I’m not speaking to you, Missy”, and I was all like, “So, don’t get all up in my grill, McKenzie,” and then she said that Dane was taking Bethany to Starbucks and I was soooo all like don’t even start that and she was soooo like shaking her neck all green and then you-know-who comes by and ……
          Tell me this is a mistake even though Palkot usually gets things right.  Tell me that Shelley didn’t refer to her opponent as “you know who.” 

Sekula-Gibbs, who by circumstance seeks the 2006 term as a write-in candidate, referred to her Democratic opponent, Nick Lampson, as "you-know-who.”

          Look, people, you cannot expect me to last until November if this stuff keeps up.  I’m serious.  No, really, she's gotta quit this stuff.


September 6 - Oh. Dear.  Now Tom DeLay is using his Congressional email list to pimp for country western singers. 
          You think I make this stuff up, don't you?

          Click on this sucker to see it full sized.  You're gonna wanna read this.

          As you know, Tom spent 20 years in Congress pimping for lobbyists.  As you probably don't know,  United Pimps of America, Local 346, will revoke your pimp license if you don't use it for more than 6 months. 

          So, all of you sending me email asking if Tom is crazy, the answer is, "like a fox, my friend."  He's just keeping his pimp license current.  You never know what licenses you're gonna need in the pokey.

          I could not make this stuff up.  I couldn't.  I'm not talented enough.
          You might ask how I know it's his Congressional email list.  Well, smart person that I am, I sign-up for email lists using different combinations of my name.  I signed up for Tom's with "s" as my first name. 


September 6 - More Republican family values from the Wall Street Journal.  Tom DeLay may not be going to jail alone.  That's the downside.  The upside is that conjugal visits would be more convenient.

The Justice Department's congressional lobbying-and-bribery investigation is looking into whether former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay's wife received money from a lobbying firm for a no-show job, recent FBI interviews indicate. 

The two-year investigation is examining whether lobbyist Jack Abramoff and others sought legislative favors for their clients by offering expensive meals, sports tickets, golf outings and other gifts to about a dozen lawmakers and congressional aides.

          For the past 20 years, Tom DeLay has blamed his wife for everything.  Remember the hot check scandal?  And even recently he blamed Christine for his withdrawal from Congress. 
          I will bet you a crawfish dinner that Tom tries to make Christine take the fall for the entire Abramoff disgrace.
          There's more.           

In last month's interviews, investigators also asked about $144,000 that Mrs. DeLay received from one of Mr. DeLay's fund-raising committees, the Americans for a Republican Majority Political Action Committee, which was housed at the lobbying firm's offices. Investigators also inquired about fees paid to Mr. DeLay's daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, a longtime political consultant to her father.

          Shelley!  Listen-up, Babe!  It's probably okay that you're following Tom's advise right now.  But, for the love of Hershey Bars, do not let him drag your family into this.  He gives a whole new meaning to jail bait.


September 5 - Oh lookie - here's the picture of Texas Republican Congressman Pete Sessions enjoying the yachting class fundraiser from NMMA.  Pete Sessions carrying-on in Tom DeLay's tradition!
          Maybe they can get a yacht up the Brazos River to help Tom's local replacement.


September 5 -You know, I don’t mean to be tacky, but this certainly falls under the “Bless her heart” category.
           Ladies in Texas don’t talk trash.  We just don’t.  When we see a woman making a fool of herself, we preface it by saying, “Bless her heart,” as in “Bless her heart, she ain’t been quite right since the pig ate her prom queen tiara.” Or , “Bless her heart, all of her mirrors must have broken last night or else she wouldn’t be wearing that frightful color of eye shadow.”
          Bless her heart, Shelley Sekula Gibbs ain’t from around here.  She thinks this is our first rodeo and them spangles on her barrel racing outfit can distract us from poor riding.
          Last week, Shelley ran a push-poll.  You know, one of those things where they call you and ask, “Well, if you knew that Bubba Frontage likes to drown little baby kittens, especially the cute ones, but his opponent, Lorilee Hitch, is so holy that while she cannot walk on water quite yet, she can make it across a ditch in four steps, who would you vote for?” 
          One of my good friends got one of those calls.  She told them, “Bless your heart, you ain’t from around here, are ya?”
          They kept asking questions about which of the two she’d vote for until my friend feared the next question was going to claim that Nick Lampson is wants to legislate against putting stars on top of Texas monuments.
          Now, anybody with the sense that the good Lord gave a field mouse knows that this is called “wasting money trying to look good.”  I ain’t hollering about that.  Goodness knows, I’ve spent plenty of money that way.  I probably have 280 tubes of lipstick that were all gonna make me look like Angelina Jolie and didn’t. 
          And I can’t blame Shelley for trying to look like a serious candidate, especially after that unfortunate Sex on the Beach incident and the whole pink leggings thing
          But, Honey, this ain’t our first rodeo.  As any barrel racing woman will tell you, “work on your riding, not on your sequins.” 
          I suspect she'll release the poll this week.  I also suspect she'll be leading the race, with Lampson in a distance fifth behind Stockman, Richardson, Smithers, and a player to be named later.  I'm just saying.


September 5 - The Fort Worth Star Telegram has called the Texas CD22 race for the Democrats, and explains why Shelley's three million dollars got stuck on a train right outside of College Station.

Republicans are making another run, in what some say could be one of the costliest congressional races this year, at the House district represented by veteran Democrat Chet Edwards.

Gaining this seat could help Republicans keep their House majority, a task made more difficult considering that many expect another key Texas district -- the 22nd, formerly held by Tom DeLay of Sugar Land -- to go to a Democrat.

          Psssst.  Shelley, David, over here.  Shhhh..... I think maybe Tina Benkiser may have lied to you about the three million big ones.  Another hint that y'all have been suckered?  This line ...

The National Republican Congressional Committee last month reserved more than $40 million in TV advertising time this fall, mostly for seats already held by the GOP. Republican officials say they plan to spend at least $1 million in an effort to unseat Edwards.

          If they're only spending one million in 17 - a seat they think they can win - why would they spend 3 million here for a shot so long that it would take a curved bullet to fly the horizon?


September 4 - Okay, Murlene and I have changed the rules. Listen up.
          You know how you weren’t supposed to wear white after Labor Day?  We changed that rule.  We decided that you can wear white any day that’s over 90 degrees. 
          This is official.  We’ve announced it to the proper authorities and had the media notified.  You can refer your Momma to us for re-education.
          And, yes, the rumors you've heard are true.  I'm going to start a shoe blog as soon as I get tired of this political stuff. 


September 4 - From the Chicago Tribune - Some days it's really worth going to work .....

WASHINGTON -- They called it the "Congressional Cruise Series," featuring lovely evenings on a luxury yacht complete with "two large staterooms ... a deluxe entertainment center and an airy comfortable salon." They billed it, unabashedly, as a way for lobbyists to develop relationships with influential politicians.

By all appearances, the National Marine Manufacturers Association's program of taking members of Congress and their staffs on cruises--and hosting fundraisers for lawmakers aboard the same boat--succeeded quite nicely. 

The cruises have yielded photos of a congressman at the helm of the yacht and group shots of other lawmakers posed on the boat with their smiling aides, all posted on the association's Web site. At least one of those congressmen later proposed legislation that the association strongly favored.

          Too bad the NMMA took down their web site (www.nmma.org) after the Chicago Tribune reported that it contained pictures of Members of Congress lounging on the NMMA's yacht.  They had a nice report on a fundraising event they held for party-boy Pete Sessions at a marina. 
 

September 4 - The Washington Post ran an article saying the the number of seat the GOP is projected to lose in the House has doubled over the summer. 
          Duh.
          Pardon me for interrupting big time professional journalism, but you don't have to have a complete Mr. Science Weather Station to know which way the wind is blowing.  You can just stick you head out the window and see the disgust circling overhead. 
          Honey, after reading that article, I wouldn't stand down at the corner on a cold day in a light sweater waiting for the National GOP to come riding in with an infusion of $3 million dollars to help someone win both a write-in vote and a special election, plus run-off. 

          By the way, the more I think about Sheriff Milton Wright having "Who's Your Daddy" justice at the jailhouse and running a Visitor's Room out of his public office, I just get madder than a wet hen.  I've been trying to tell y'all for years that he's worthless as a four card flush, and he's set about to prove it one more time.


September 4 - Lock-step Republicans takes on a whole new meaning.   

Candidates Duplicate in AARP Survey 

The answers were so good, Republican candidates wanted to use them as their own. The embarrassment was at least seven did.

Republicans in House races copied their party's talking points and included parts of the answers as their own for an AARP survey. The answers related to Medicare, Social Security, insurance plans and retirement.

Candidates in Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, South Carolina and Texas all submitted the sometimes word-for-word responses, which originated with the National Republican Congressional Committee
 

          Or maybe they couldn’t spell, “Whatever Fox News and Donald Rumsfeld tell me.” 
         
But, of course, the candidate with the most embarrassing statement about the situation comes from Texas, dammit. 

Van Taylor's campaign in Texas said the language helps the candidate understand the issues.

"It's only natural when we were running for Congress, he wanted to become as knowledgeable as he could on the issues," said Casey Phillips, Taylor's campaign manager.
 

             You used talking points to understand the issues?  Oh Lord, Mr. Taylor, do you get your religious experience from bumper stickers?        


September 1 - Tom DeLay's culture of corruption has trickled down to the Fort Bend County elected officials.  Star reporter LeaAnne Klentzman has done an excellent investigative reporting piece ('bout time the The Star does something investigative!) on Sheriff Milton Wright disobeying court orders and giving special privileges to one female inmate.  The inmate's father has made many large campaign contributions to Wright. 
          The story also reveals that our Republican Far Right Christian Coalition so-called-tough-on-crime State Representative Charlie Howard charges $1,000 for a letter to a judge requesting leniency for your adult child.
          Tom DeLay taught them that "pay to play" is perfectly okay and they are doing it to the hilt.
          Our county judge and commissioners give lucrative non-bid contracts to their large campaign contributors and then they expect the sheriff to take care of business properly? 
          Our Republican District Attorney took thousands of dollars from The Bob Perry family (yes, of swift boat fame), a well-known DeLay and David Wallace protector, and then refused to get a special prosecutor for this event.
          We have Judge Brady Elliott, bought and paid for by personal injury lawyers, and disturbingly lenient to sex offenders. 
          If even one local Republican expresses shock or concern over what Milton Wright did, then they better be ready to explain where their mouths have been for the past 4 years as pay-to-play became the GOP norm here.
          Had enough?  I'm not even wound up yet, Honey.
          Milton Wright is incompetent and his integrity is shot to heck.  He needs to admit that this job is way over his head and resign immediately.  He should take the county judge and commissioners with him. 
          Sorry this ain't funny.  But I'm having a real hard time laughing at this.  I am, however, getting wound-up.  Damn Republicans.  They made me a yellow dog Democrat.

          Hey, adopt a sign before I blow a gasket.  Lord knows we need more of these signs around here!


September 1 - Yes, there are 5 - count 'um, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! - candidates in the special election


September 1 - There has to be a real special place in hell for people who rip-off our fighting men and women. A report on the Predatory lending practices to members of the Armed Forces was released this month and, almost amusingly, one of the offenders was the Texas-based Rent-A-Center. 
         
The Rent-A-Center folks take their rent-to-own philosophy right to Congress, where Tom DeLay spent hours on their corporate airplane jetting around to golf matches.  If you can rent a refrigerator to own, then surely you can rent a congressman to own, right?
          Their new Rent-To-Own Congressman is Texas CD5’s Republican Jeb Hensarling.  Thankfully, retired Naval Aviator and Vietnam Veteran Charlie Thompson of Dallas is running against him.  A Vet won't sell the sole of his brothers and sisters for an private jet ride.  You can donate a couple of bucks to Charlie on his website if you've had enough of this stuff.
          As if its rent-to-own scam wasn't bad enough, Rent-A-Center just got into the payday loan business.  There are many ways to profit off the Iraq war.  You can rip-off the Pentagon - or you can just rip-off our soldiers.
          Either way, you’re going to hell.  In fact, I’m insisting on it.


September 1 - Oh no, I spent 6 years of my life in elementary school learning to read for this?

WASHINGTON - Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, with his career in elective office behind him, said Thursday he has a deal to publish a book. 

“This is a book that's going to be the history of my career, how it furthered the conservative cause, with my spiritual walk and what I think the conservative cause ought to do next," DeLay, a born-again Christian, told The Associated Press. 

DeLay said he'll explain how "everything I've done in my career furthered the conservative cause" and helped change the culture of Washington. 

DeLay said the working title is "No Retreat, No Surrender: The American Passion of Tom DeLay." He declined to reveal how much he'll be paid. "Not as much as I wanted," he quipped.

          “Not as much as I wanted.”  Why, what a coincidence, those were the same exact words that Saint Paul used about his chapters of the Bible.
          Come to think of it, Tom is a whole lot like Saint Paul.  The only difference is that Saint Paul wasn't a money-grubbing, arrogant, golf-addicted jerk who spent other people's money to fill his belly with the most expensive food and wines in the world while profiting off of slave labor and forced abortions in the Marianas Islands.  Other than that, they both have two legs.
          You gotta ask yourself - how delusional do you have to be to think that withdrawing from an election that you were going to loose is not retreating?  Bless his heart, he's over the edge.
          At least now all the newspapers have to say, "Tom DeLay of Virginia!"  Gets us off the hook.


August 31 - Nick Lampson has decided not to enter the special election.  I think it's a wise choice on his part.  The Republicans can fight it out on their own, and hopefully save us all the time and expense of a run-off.
          It's common knowledge that practically nobody in the GOP wants Shelley to win the special election.  Winning it would make her the presumptive Republican nominee in 2 years.  She was nobody's first choice, and only a few people had her as second choice.  Talton, Wallace, and Howard are all cheering for her to get whipped.  Let's see which one of them is willing to get out and help her win. 
          With three candidates already, it's gonna be a mess. 
          Charles Kuffner has a great take on this, too.


August 31 - Good Ole Don "I Call Bluffs" Richardson has entered as a candidate for the special election.  Candidates (PDF) or go to the Secretary of State's site and click Candidates.


August 31 - For those of you following the continuing saga of Roseland, Indiana, the only place crazier than here, our Indiana foreign correspondent, Kathy, updates us.
          The latest news includes an "internationally known horrific religious cult" that runs around painting things purple, an update on the vicious bloody handcuffing of 82 year old Louis Krueper, Sr. for talking about antennas during a city council meeting, and David and Dorothy's outdoor decor choices. 
          I accused one of the reporters of making this stuff up.  He accused me of making up stuff about here.  You know, if Mayor Alan Owen would do his part and say something crazy today, we could beat Roseland in the International Nuttiest Places To Live category.  Lord knows we have a lot of elected officials contributing to the cause.


August 31 - First he says he is, then he says he ain't, then he says he does, then he says .... no telling what.
          County Judge Bob Hebert is no longer a judge.  Want to know how I know that?  Because he changed his website and the county website.
 Remember how it used to say "Judicial Duties Include ..."?  Well, now it says "Other Duties Include."
          Here's the BEFORE website:

          Click here to see the new and improved (and less filling, too!) Bob Hebert "Other" responsibilities.  Same responsibilities, new name.  Cute, huh?  I hate cute. 
          You know, calling monkey poop a diamond necklace don't mean it's something I'd wear around my neck.  I wanted to give Bob that warning just in case he ever tried that trick on my birthday or something.  Just because you change the name of something don't change the something. 
          So, if Bob doesn't have judicial duties and he's not a judge in any way, shape, or form, then I'm real worried about him insisting on having his photo displayed at the courthouse wearing a danged dress.

          Now I am not saying that the county judge is a transvestite.  But, if he's not a judge then he's just one big blonde wig and a pink boa away from being Roberta and worrying the Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club into holding some prayer meetings. 
          Bob just wants the increased salary and prestige of being a judge but none of the duties or responsibilities. 
          Consider this fair warning: the first person who tries to tell me what Hebert is wearing under his dress is gonna get slapped.  I mean it.  Right upside the head.  There are some things even I don't want to know.


August 31 - Okay, heads up.  We now have three write-in candidates for the general election, and tomorrow is the deadline for filing for the special election.  Our off-poll betting window will open at noon today.
          I've crunched the numbers and my bet is that 67 people, three from Abilene and at least seven from Lufkin, will file for the special election.
          Instead of calling for a special election when Tom DeLay left Congress, our political-tricks-junky Governor decided to hold the special election the same date as the real election.  The winner of the special election (which will include a run-off) will serve from election day until December 31st - a couple of weeks at best if there's a run-off.
          It's colossally stoopid to have a special election and possibly an expensive run-off to decide who represents us for a couple of weeks, but the Gov is .... well, you know it as well as I do .... colossally stupid. 
          I'll be your score card.  Breaking news will break here or near-bouts. 

          By the way, Andy Meyers and his hinkey campaign finance reports did not make the end of the world show last night.  However, black holes did and they're about the same.


August 30 - Momma just called and told me to watch something on teevee tonight.  Momma says that Diane Sawyer - Momma just loves Diane Sawyer because she's "such a lady" - is doing a show about how the world's gonna end. 
          Momma says the show is gonna have scientists and everything so it should be real.  (Momma is a Baptist but she doesn't believe in that Armageddon stuff.)  My thought:  Unless the end of the world includes Commissioner Andy Meyers publically rectifying his campaign contribution and expenditure report, it ain't real. I don't care how many scientists you've got.


August 30 - Okay, so who is Joe Reasbeck and why does he want to be your Congressman?
          There's been a third name filed to run in CD22 as a write-in.  Click and scroll down to CD22.  I guess that makes 12 million, 257 thousand, 416 hundred, and 2 who never believed that the national GOP was ever going to dump $4 million into this race.  You gotta kinda feel bad for David Wallace - poor guy was the only person on God's green earth who believed it.
          By the way, Joe Reasbeck is not registered to vote in Fort Bend, so maybe he's Sekula-Gibb's neighbor.
          ON EDIT:  I checked with the Secretary of States office and Joe is a valid write-in candidate. 
           According to the best information I could find, Joe lives in Lago Vista, Texas, and is 37 years old.  He has no primary voting history in Texas, so we don't know if he's a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, or Whig. 


August 30 - Your tax dollars hard at work!

WASHINGTON, Aug. 29 — State Department investigators have found that the head of the agency overseeing most government broadcasts to foreign countries has used his office to run a “horse racing operation” and that he improperly put a friend on the payroll, according to a summary of a report made public on Tuesday by a Democratic lawmaker.

           Putting your friends on the payroll is illegal?  Not in the Independent Republic of Fort Bend.  
          This is a true story.  About 8 years ago, I asked about a good-ole-boy who works at the courthouse.  Every time I'd see him, he'd just be walking around doing diddle squat.  He was moved from office to office, so I think sometimes he'd forget where his office was.
          So, I up and asked the Republican county judge at the time what this guy did for a living.  I mean it was obvious that he worked for the county but nobody seemed to know what it was he did.
          The county judge admitted that they really didn't need this guy, but - and get ready for this - they couldn't fire him because his wife was sick and needed the county insurance. 
          That kinda got away with me.  "Has Hillary Clinton heard about this health care plan?" I asked with no small level of sarcasm and loudness.  
          So, from that day forward I referred to this guy as "The Republican Health Care Plan."
          Yep, he still works for the county.


August 29 - Press Release from the Gov.  We will have a special election!

Perry Calls Special Elections for Delay, Luna and Madla Seats on Nov. 7

AUSTIN ­ Gov. Rick Perry today ordered special elections to be held concurrently with the Nov. 7 general election for the U.S. congressional seat vacated by Congressman Tom Delay, R-Sugar Land, who has resigned and removed his name from the ballot; and for state Rep. Vilma Luna, D-Corpus Christi, and state Sen. Frank Madla, D-San Antonio, both of whom have resigned their positions in the Texas Legislature.

In his proclamation setting the special election for Delay's seat, Perry noted that the U.S. Constitution requires that a special election be held and state law requires that it be held on the next uniform state election date, which is Nov. 7.  Delay represented the 22nd Congressional District, which consists of parts of Brazoria, Fort Bend, Galveston and Harris counties.

Luna represents the Texas House of Representatives District No. 33, which consists of part of Nueces County.  Madla represents Texas State Senate District No. 19, which consists of Bandera, Brewster, Crockett, Culberson, Edwards, Hudspeth, Jeff Davis, Kinney, Loving, Maverick, Medina, Pecos, Presidio, Real, Reeves, Sutton, Terrell, Uvalde, Val Verde, Ward, Winkler and parts of Bexar and El Paso counties.

Candidates who want to place their names on the ballot for Delay's, Luna’s or Madla’s district must file with the Secretary of state by 5 p.m. Friday, Sept. 1.


August 29 – Remember when Alfredo brought us up to speed on PBS&J, a Florida Engineering Company that scammed the State of Texas for the past six years with a multiplier?  Remember how their CEO W. Scott DeLoach embezzled $36 million from the company?
          The Miami Herald has the story this morning.  The Herald story is about how PBS&J used corporate money to reimburse its employees for contributions to candidates.  Such indirect corporate contributions are illegal under both federal and Texas law.
          It’s bad enough that PBS&J swiped money from Texas taxpayers that they flipped and gave to Tom DeLay’s ARMPAC, but PBS&J didn't stop there.
          Uh oh.  Shelley Sekula Gibbs.  What a way to start your write-in campaign!  This is just my opinion, but running through Sugar Creek wearing only a neon orange Hari Krishna robe emblazoned with peacock feathers while yodeling loudly might have been a wiser kick-off choice.  Right here - $250 from PBS&J.  Just like Tom.

          Click on the above picture and it'll take you to a PDF of the actual filing by PBS&J.
          Shelley Sekula-Gibbs - same political friends as Tom DeLay. 


August 29 – Reason #864 why I could never be a Republican.
          County Judge Bob Hebert, who claims to be “independently wealthy”, voted to give himself an 18% pay raise from $87,000 to $105,000.  And to those who actually do the work around here? 

In a separate vote, the court voted for a 3.35 percent pay raise for the county's non-elected employees. 

          Hebert also receives $7,200 for serving on the Juvenile Board and will get $5,500 on top of that for the Probate Court.  That’s $117,700 a year for cutting ribbons and attending meetings one afternoon a week, where he's been known to treat citizens with more disregard than most people give junk mail. 
          And that’s not even counting his political tax-free slush fund that mostly comes from taxpayers pockets. 
          He's embarrassingly money-grubby.           


August 28 - So, you just gotta see this commercial that the Fort Bend Democrats Club wants to run. 


August 28 - Governor Rick Perry has until tomorrow to decide if we will have two additional months of taxation without representation.  No, seriously.  They're are gonna let Gov. Mofo make a decision about my constitutional right to representation for the months of November and December of this year.  Jefferson help us.
          Nobody has ever seen the Gov make a decision without Bob Perry's money and a consultation with the French, so this should be interesting.  It's a well-know fact that the Gov is at his intellectual best when he just tosses a coin. 
          The Gov passed on calling a special election earlier this year because he was scared a Democrat might win it.  The next deadline is tomorrow

In April, Perry said he would call a special election to fill the final two months of DeLay’s term.

But spokeswoman Kathy Walt indicated Friday that Perry was weighing his options.

“The matter is being reviewed, and no decision has been made at this time,” Walt said in an e-mail response to The Daily News.


[but there's more!]

Having a special election and the general election poses some risks. That’s especially true for Sekula-Gibbs, who must not only convince voters she is the best candidate, but also must convince them to write in her name.

[and then the clincher!]

Sekula-Gibbs would not speculate about what she’d do. Her spokeswoman, Lisa Dimond, noted that the governor had not called a special election.

          So there's your answer.  The Gov is still playing politics with our Congressional seat.  I hope he plans on paying for our morning-after pill.


August 28 - I usually put two months worth of snark per webpage but I've been hitting too many keys lately and my friends with Pilots or Trios are hollering at me. 
          Yes, I have friends. 
          So I've decided to start a new page what with almost a whole week left in August and me having plenty to say.
          I left the weekend stuff here just in case you were playing this weekend.


August 28 - Our friend Alfredo in San Antonio sent us an interesting article in the Austin-American Statesman

The Texas Department of Transportation has stopped granting new contracts to a Florida engineering company that has overcharged the state and clients nationwide because of accounting irregularities.

......

The accounting improprieties had the effect of increasing what is called an overhead rate, or multiplier, in the construction industry. That multiplier is applied to base rates for engineering and design services to determine billings to clients.

Officials with the agency could not say Monday how much the state may have been overcharged. But Saenz, in a May 24 memo to his chief engineers in the department's districts around the state, said the overcharges had run from as early as 2000 to the present

          "Accounting irregularities." Yeah, I'd say - the company's CFO, W. Scott DeLoach, is going down for embezzling $36 million.  To reduce his sentence, he's about to reveal that the company reimbursed him and others for campaign contributions.  DeLoach gave $5,000 to ARMPAC. 
          So, when the rubber hits the road, PBS&J stole money from Texans and used it to bribe DeLay.
          Alfredo concludes, "Kinda poetic, don't you think?"

          Had enough yet?  Not that I'm keeping count or anything, but Tom Harrington of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma has yet to adopt a sign.  Tom, we're counting on you, Bub.


August 27 - I need to get me a bumper stickers that says, “Local Republicans Made Me A Yellow Dog Democrat.  Give Them Another Two Years and and They’ll Make You One, Too.” 
          The perfume called Eau de Arrogance in this county rises off the GOP like a strong whiff of cow pattie on a humid day.  They just can’t seem to get enough of your money, your misplaced trust or your patience.
          Some folks have been pondering on County Judge Bob Hebert’s Texas Two-Step on whether or not he has judicial duties.  First he said he did and then he said he didn’t, but when direct written information was found on the county site and on his personal political website, his judging went from “Now In A Theater Near You” to “Featured Attractions” in less time than it takes to pop the popcorn.
          Even if ya held his bare feet to parking lot asphalt at about 3:00 tomorrow afternoon, he probably couldn’t tell ya the truth because he’s had to concoct so many stories to cover his ample rump that keeping one on top of his thinking mechanism is hard to do. 
          Now, never mind that he just copied the county website’s information into his own personal political website even though somebody was paid county tax money to write it in the first place.  That’s just a small example of how this county is his, his I tell you!  It’s Bob Hebertville, dammit!
          It’s easy to see how this happened.  Bob wanted to have judicial duties so he could prance around in a judge’s robe, hit people with a gavel, and be addressed as Your Honor.  But when it comes to wanting to help his good-ole-boys, he can change clothes faster than Superman in a doublewide phone booth. The currently operative story is that he’s not a judge now but he will be one in January, so he'll start acting like a judge in January.
          What happens in January?  Are they gonna take him down to The Brazos River and dunk him in the holy judicial waters of wisdom and integrity?  Does he graduate law school?  No, siree.  January is when he gets a courtroom.  Oh for Pete’s Sake.  (Do not buy his nice little story about how he's saving the county money.  There's far more to this story that I'll tell you later.)
          Hebert, like his co-heart Republican white males, cannot admit to ever making a mistake.  Endorsing candidates was a mistake and a misuse of his office.  But could he simply say that and ask forgiveness?  No.  He.  Cannot. 
          Let me give you another little tiny, hardly even significant example of Hebert’s arrogance.  Take a look at his campaign finance report.  He’s sitting on $120,000. of tax-free money in a campaign warchest with no opponent.  You’d think he could spare $25 for a notary public to notarize his political campaign expense report other than his own Executive Assistant, who works for the taxpayers, not Bob Hebert or Bob Hebert’s campaign. 
          He’s not supposed to even have these campaign finance forms in his county office.  They were notarized on a Monday – they day they were due.  Does he care how that looks?  Of course not.  He’s Bob Hebert and he helped make me a Democrat.
          Coming soon - how Judge Brady Elliott pushed me over the edge.