Juanita's

October 23 - Today is the first day of early voting. I just want to remind all my Republican friends to keep the faith and write-in Tom DeLay. It's not too late to save face.

Write in Tom and send a message that you're not going to get pushed around by silly things like laws, ethics, human decency, damn liberals, or muscled young men with rippling thighs. No, not you. You're going to stand for something: Tom DeLay or the Highway, dammit!
This message brought to you by the Elect Giannibicego Hoa Tran Committee, Some Dude Named Mark, Treasurer.

October 22 - I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm smart enough to send my personal favorite blogger, Hal, on a mission, and that's all the smarts I need.
Hal (and Ann) took Paul Begala back to the airport after the Begala Gala last Friday night. The picture on Hal's site is of Paul Begala and my personal favorite mayor - Stafford's Leonard Scarcella.
There's some dandy reading over there, and I'll include this teaser ---

Later, as we traversed the Sam Houston Tollway, the conversation turned to “Republicans”. He talked of how Republicans present a united front. But Democrats are “thinkers who have independent thoughts”.

I said “and that is our downfall”. Paul agreed and cited Bill Clinton’s observation that “Democrats want to fall in love. Republicans want to fall in line.” Republicans just want to be told what to believe, tell them and they will be OK with that.

I'll take homegrown Paul Begala at my gala over Dick Cheney any day of the week.

October 21 - Mark at View From 22 has made his long-awaited endorsement in the Special Election for the Texas 22 Congressional Race.
Me? I'm voting Stockman because he's nuttier than squirrel poop. But, I can certainly see the attraction to Mrs. Tran. Her policy on illegal immigration is stout!

October 21 - As a special treat for weekend customers, here's a phone recording of a "scientific poll" in the CD 22 race. It's a hoot!
Shelley should be ashamed of herself. It kinda makes you wonder if she plays tricks with her patients like this.
Thanks, Dave!

October 20 - Holy Homeless Hack - we've now got J. C. Whitten taking over as Human Resources Director. If this doesn't spell H-a-r-a-s-s-m-e-n-t L-a-w-s-u-i-t, I don't know what does.
For those of y'all who weren't around here when we had to spend unnecessary money in this county just to get J.C. a date, it hasn't gotten any better. This is truly jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

** Confidential **
** High Priority **

PLEASE READ THE ATTACHED AND NOTIFY THE APPROPRIATE PERSONNEL IN YOUR OFFICE.

THANK you,

J. C. Whitten

Click here to see it
Our sources say that Tom was given a choice between being fired or leaving on his own.

October 20 - Oh for Pete's Sake, now they're acting like Fort Bend County Republicans. They day after they announce that the President is coming here, here goes to DeeCee in a handbasket. You'd think the DeeCee Republicans caught their governing lessons from Gary Gillen and Brian Gaston.

With polls showing Republican control of Congress in jeopardy, conservative leaders are pointing fingers at one another in an increasingly testy circle of blame for potential Republican losses this fall.

          It's a damn Goat Rodeo.
          These people think they can run a country at war?
          No, wait, here's my favorite part. Egads! They resurrected Texan Dick Armey, and it wasn't even to endorse a Dancing with Stars contestant. They let him talk. No, really, they did.

Mr. Armey accused Congressional Republicans of “blatant pandering to James Dobson” and “his gang of thugs,” whom Mr. Armey called “real nasty bullies” — arguments he reprised on the editorial page of The Wall Street Journal and in an open letter on the Web site organization FreedomWorks.

          Hot heck! Just when I thought they'd made Armey go hunting with Dick Cheney or caddie for Jack Abramoff after he resigned and we'd never get to hear him again, he says something stoopid!
          Honey, I will pay twenty dollars perfectly good cash American money to see Dick Armey and James Dobson smack each other with their Bibles, and I'll even rent out the VFW Hall to stage that event.
          Watching Republicans hate everybody is one of my favorite activities. Fluffy white guys fighting each other is real entertaining.
          And, hey, at least they're leaving the rest of us alone for a week or two. Somebody sneak off and do some stem cell research while they ain't lookin'.

October 20 - I don't know about General Pace, but I've learned that it's not a good practice to insult God.

IAMI (AFP) - The top US general defended the leadership of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, saying it is inspired by God.

“He leads in a way that the good Lord tells him is best for our country," said Marine General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

This war has now lasted longer than US involvement in WWII and we're in worse shape today than when we first got there.
Kinda makes you wonder what God this Pace dude worships. Ares?

Ares, the son of ZEUS and HERA, he turned out to be a swaggering bully boy and yobbo God. He had the hots for APHRODITE and even after being caught in a net by HEPHAESTUS in full flagrante delicto this did not diminish his adulterous activities. The only thing he enjoyed more was war.

ARES loved battles and violence. Never mind which side he was on, so long as there was plenty of blood.

Yep. Hammer, meet nail head.

On a side note, listen up: we're gotta get rid of these guys - they're starting to scare me.

October 19 - You know how you know it's time to get rid of the Republicans? When you have to get a damn ticket to see the President of the United States of America. And you can only get a ticket if you're a Republican voter. That's how you know.
George W Bush is scared of horses and me. What the hell kinda President tough-guy is that?

Gillen said he learned, during a conference call this afternoon with White House and other officials, that the Fort Bend County event will require a ticket for entry. However, it won’t be just for party officials.
“The event is to fire up the Republican voters. I think you’re going to see a very large event – an opportunity for a lot of folks to get to see the president,” Gillen said

Hey, Gillen, what's he scared of? Turn about being fair play?

October 19 - Our friend Alfredo told us about Jerry Weller a couple of weeks ago. At the time, I thought about telling you, but I wasn't real sure that it would be proper for me to accuse a Republican Congressman of something he might not have done. Oh, what the hell was I thinking?

Our friend Dr. Doyle gave us a heads-up to this photo of Weller and Foley together.

October 19 - Our friend Hal over at Half Empty has a great catch of our very own Tom DeLay being cocky and delusional as ever.
I wonder why Colmes didn't ask him any questions about fundraising or Jack Abramoff?

October 18 - First clue that maybe the Republicans just don't get it:
The President will be fundraising for Don "Choker" Sherwood tomorrow night, right smack dab in the middle of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, 2006
On the upside, that should make the religious right feel better - at least they're not the only ones being used.

October 18 - Well, it ain't the $3 million Tina said they promised. Well, it ain't even close. However the National Republican Congressional Committee did send about $244,000 to help Shelley. That's like carnations for the prom when everybody else has an orchid.
According to PoliticalMoneyLine, it breaks down like this right here:

1 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE OPPOSITION LAMPSON FOR CONGRESS H TX 22 ARENA COMMUNICATIONS 10/17/2006 $3,739 10/17/2006 Mailing Service

2 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE OPPOSITION LAMPSON FOR CONGRESS H TX 22 ARENA COMMUNICATIONS 10/17/2006 $8,168 10/17/2006 Mailing Service

3 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE OPPOSITION LAMPSON FOR CONGRESS H TX 22 ARENA COMMUNICATIONS 10/17/2006 $9,683 10/17/2006 Mailing Service

4 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE OPPOSITION LAMPSON FOR CONGRESS H TX 22 CROSSROADS MEDIA 10/17/2006 $101,091 10/17/2006 Issue Ad Placement

5 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE SUPPORT SHELLEY SEKULA-GIBBS H TX 22 ARENA COMMUNICATIONS 10/17/2006 $3,739 10/17/2006 Mailing Service

6 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE SUPPORT SHELLEY SEKULA-GIBBS H TX 22 ARENA COMMUNICATIONS 10/17/2006 $8,168 10/17/2006 Mailing Service

7 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE SUPPORT SHELLEY SEKULA-GIBBS H TX 22 ARENA COMMUNICATIONS 10/17/2006 $9,683 10/17/2006 Mailing Service

8 . NATIONAL REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE SUPPORT SHELLEY SEKULA-GIBBS H TX 22 CROSSROADS MEDIA 10/17/2006 $101,091 10/17/2006 Issue Ad Placement

October 18 - A couple of weeks ago, I predicted that the Democrats would re-take the House before the election because Republicans were heading out of town fast enough to outrun a six legged bobcat.
And it's amazing to me how much of this was caused by Tom DeLay. No, that's a lie. I figured as much. Greed is real contagious.
In today's Times Union in Albany, New York, (Hi, Maureen!) we get news that another one takes a tumble.

ALBANY -- U.S. Rep. John Sweeney may have violated congressional ethics rules by failing to reveal who paid for a trip he took to a Pacific island with a lobbyist hired by convicted Washington influence peddler Jack Abramoff.

In January 2001, Sweeney traveled 8,000 miles to deliver a speech to the Saipan Chamber of Commerce in the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, a U.S. territory infamous for its garment sweatshops and prostitution trade. He traveled with Tony Rudy, who had just left the staff of former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to work for Abramoff.

Sweeny, of course, says he was "mislead" about the trip. Well, hell's bells, what else is he going to say? "Yep - lock me up in the same cell as Bob Ney"?
Let this be a lesson: Your life has suddenly taken a wrong turn when your name appears in the same sentence with "sweatshops and prostitution trade."

October 17 - Remember back when the righteous Republicans used to get on the teevee and talk dirty about Monica, using language that would cause a drunken sailor to blush?
          Remember how you thought that maybe they just liked to talk dirty? And that they were all athither over Bill and Monica because they got to talk in very sexually explicit language and then act all horrified that they were forced, forced I tell you, to say things like "oral."
          Then, right after you started thinking that they were getting all hot and bothered while talking dirty, they'd say "What are we going to tell the children?" in that real overly-dramatic voice they all have?
          Indeed. We apparently don't have to tell the children much. Republicans, it turns out, like to show instead of tell.
          Today there's this old coot admitting to an affair with a woman younger than his daughter.

U.S. Rep. Don Sherwood admitted Thursday to a five-year affair with Cynthia M. Ore, the Maryland woman who alleges in a $5.5 million civil action that he physically abused her, but called her lawsuit “malicious and baseless.”

The Texas connection? Both Joe Barton and Lamar Smith gave him $5,000 each even after the affair was made public.
Makes ya kinda wonder what Sherwood's got on them, don't it?

October 17 - Arithmetic is hard. Real hard.
          Arithmetic involves pencils and counting and stuff. However, you’d expect that someone with a Bachelor’s degree would be able to add and subtract.
          Not so much with Annie Rebecca Elliott, Republican candidate for district clerk.
          You do not want her preparing a budget with taxpayer money, my friends.
          Not only is the internal arithmetic a little screwy, but something jumped out at me like dark roots in bleached blonde hair. In July, Annie claims to have had $385.19 in her campaign account.

In the following two months, she raised $5,000, spent $4,390.11 and still had the exact same $385.19 left in her account. That’s not arithmetic, that’s magic.

Email me if you want a PDF file of her actual reports. I'm running out of room here for files and I've got a big one coming.

October 17 - The Muse has a Poor Shelley story this morning that you might enjoy. It seems even her finance chairman has given up on her. Shelley is sitting in the middle of a stampede. Even local Republicans want her to fail so she won't be the lead nominee in two years.

October 16 - Just when you thought that Tom DeLay was making himself scarce as feathers on a frog, he makes a come-back when there’s money involved.
          When Jesus comes back, He better be bringing cash or Tom DeLay won’t show up.
          Most of you thought that Tom quit running for office back on April 3^rd, when he announced that he was stepping down. Yeah, well. So much for that.
          Tom was still raising money for his political campaign in blasted August. Tom claims that he was still candidate until August 23^rd when he finally got around to notifying the FEC that he was no longer a candidate. (Click “View Miscellaneous Document)
          The FEC, which does not smile on shenanigans, says he quit being a candidate when he quit being a candidate, which would be on April 4^th.
          If there’s a fight, and suspect there will be unless Tom goes on Dancing With Stars himself and wins the jackpot naming himself as his favorite charity, my money is on the FEC.

And then to turn your stomach a tad more, Dani DeLay, Tom’s daughter, got three months severance pay and reimbursed health insurance from the campaign. Three months. Miss Welfare Queen can kiss my big blue butt.

October 16 - Okay, so my favorite part of this story is this:

HAMILTON, Ohio (AP) -- A city prosecutor was charged with indecency after a security camera caught him walking around naked in a government building after business hours.

Blauvelt's lawyer, Michael Gmoser, said in a statement Tuesday that his client was seriously injured in a 2005 car accident, suffers from mental illness and is on medication for seizures.

So, the guy is mentally ill and they let him be a prosecutor? Hey, let’s install cameras in our courthouse because we’ve got some prosecutors who might make the Nakkid Olympics!

October 16 - Okay, so I’m not saying that our county government ain’t worth it’s feed, but lookie here. We’ve been having some powerful bad weather. I’ve got white caps on my swimming pool and my street is close to bass boat floatin’. The local news website is talking about it.
But when I go to the county’s emergency management page --- The County’s Emergency Notifications. If you click weather, you get taken to the National Weather Service. I wanna know if the bridge is out or if there’s flooding in Needville. Remind me again what we pay these guys for.

October 16 - I'm gonna give you Republicans some free political advice that's better than any high-priced fancy pants consultant can give you, so listen up:
If you've hack-off the senior ladies at Dairy Queen or the fellas at the Double-A Drive-In in Abilene, you might as well hang it up. The Reporter-News tells a tale from Gov. Rick Perry's hometown:

At the Haskell Dairy Queen, six senior women, all admitted Democrats, sat at one booth happy to talk politics, but not one would tell a reporter her name. But it would be fair to say that their favorite Perry is Anita Perry, the governor's wife.

Down the street at the Double A Drive-In, six coffee-drinking retirees and one younger farmer chatted.

''You don't want to hear what we've got to say about Rick Perry,'' one retiree said.
The others laughed heartily.

          Second, if you're gonna take a picture of the Gov to run in his hometown newspaper where he's lookin' all cowboyed-up, try real hard to make sure he doesn't look like the lead in Brokeback Mountain.
          I mean, I would not let this man take a Boy Scout troop on a camping trip.
          This is not what a real cowboy looks like. This is what a New York City political consultant thinks a cowboy looks like. Real cowboys don't look like a gay model in a Ralph Lauren ad.

October 14 - It's a Begala Gala! This Friday night, Stafford native Paul Begala will return home to entertain Democrats and raise a little money for the local candidates.
The Republicans had toe-suckin' Dick Morris come to their event, which is especially creepy considering the recent news. Democrats have a nice home grown fella and UT graduate.

Oh, and by the way, there's another Republican scandal. That's the bad news. The good news is that it's doesn't involved pedophilia. At this rate, the Democrats will re-take Congress before election day.

October 13 - I tell you, it's the Tom DeLay curse. Stay away from that man! No, I'm serious. We should really make him move, not just pretend he has. He's a danger!
First, everybody he knows gets indicted.
And now, his latest project -- getting Sara Evans to win Dancing With Stars -- has brought her downfall.

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Country singer Sara Evans on Thursday announced she was filing for divorce and quitting the "Dancing With the Stars" television competition.
Evans filed for divorce from Craig Schelske in Williamson County, Tenn., where she lives, according to a statement issued by Allen Brown, her representative at Sony BMG Music Entertainment.

And if we hear she's broken out in a bad rash, we'll have to call an exorcist to remove the DeLay curse. I'm perfectly serious. Do NOT stand next to him in a thunderstorm or let him smile at you.

October 13 - Anybody know how we can get us one of those "prosecutor" things here in Fort Bend County? They got them one of those in Harris County and it appears to be a good thing.

Campaign-finance reports for City Councilmen Michael Berry and Jarvis Johnson, recently requested by Harris County prosecutors, lack details required by state law, a review of the records shows.

Berry and Johnson were the only elected city officials who didn't list the addresses of people and companies they paid during the two most recent campaign filing periods.

State law requires that candidates detail full addresses on purchases higher than $50. None of 76 such expenditures in Berry's two 2006 reports included addresses. Johnson left out addresses on 10 of his 44 expenditures of more than $50

Goodness gracious, if we had us one of those prosecutor things we might could get our elected officials to properly fill out their campaign finance reports.
Okay, so we have a prosecutor here but even electric socks wouldn't warm up his cold feet when it comes to enforcing the election laws. That's why some of them don't even bother to file the reports - they know nothing will happen.

October 13 - I guess this means that Shelley should quit holding her breath for the three million dollars.

Faced with a deteriorating political climate, Republican Party officials are hoping to keep control of the House and Senate with a strategy aimed at shoring up enough endangered incumbents to preserve their majorities, while scaling back planned spending on races that now appear unwinnable.

In recent days, the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) has given back television time it had reserved in Democratic-held districts in West Virginia, South Carolina and Ohio -- apparently concluding that those races are beyond reach unless something dramatic changes the national political environment in the 25 days before the Nov. 7 election.

Don't feel bad about being led down the primrose path by the national Republicans, Shelley. They've done it to all of us at one time or another. They smile while they're lying to ya, Honey.

October 12 - Hi, Mrs. Walden. Have you met Rev. Paul? The New York Times reports that there’s more desperation in the GOP ranks, and instead of cleaning house, they’re crawling into the garbage can..

A previously unknown group led by a Republican political consultant in Houston is financing television advertisements against nine Democratic House candidates from North Carolina to Arizona.

The group, Americans for Honesty on Issues, is spending more than $1 million on the advertisements, which accuse Democratic candidates of carpetbagging, coddling illegal immigrants, being soft on crime and advocating cutting off money for troops in Iraq.

The leader of Americans for Honesty on Issues is Sue Walden, a close ally of Tom DeLay, the former House majority leader who left Congress amid questions on ethics and fund-raising. Ms. Walden has also raised money for President Bush and served as an adviser to Kenneth L. Lay, the former chief executive of Enron who died in July.

Now on a normal day at the Dairy Queen, Walden couldn’t even get a job interview with those references, but the GOP is giving her one million dollars. (I do wonder if it was David Wallace’s one million dollars.)

October 12 - I hope our county commissioners are ready to do some explain' because the contributions they took from PBS&J might be some of the ones that the Depart of Justice are looking at real hard.
Roll Call (sorry, subscription only) has the story this morning that the DOJ is taking interest in "reimbursed" campaign contributions.

          The Justice Department and the Federal Election Commission declined to discuss potential or ongoing law enforcement cases, including the one against PBS&J.
          However, enhancements inserted into BCRA and teamwork between the DOJ and the FEC have helped boost the priority of these types of cases.
Officials with both agencies confirmed that cooperation has increased in recent years, a kinship that perhaps could result in a jump of combined civil and criminal penalties for two agencies long seen as at-odds.

---- and ----

          An FEC official also said public corruption cases, including illegal contribution conduit schemes, have become a “top 10” priority for the DOJ, reflecting the desire of lawmakers.

You know, it's probably a day late and dollar short to get our commissioner boys to do some ethics reform on themselves because they've become so corrupted with the big corporate contributions, but it might be poetic justice if their campaign contributions have to go to pay legal bills defending their right to be greedy hawgs. Hey, it worked for Tom DeLay!

NOTE ADDED: It seems the work PBS&J did in Florida wasn't in the best interest of Florida taxpayers. Ya think maybe it wasn't here either? Hey, but who's gonna tell as long as PBS&J keeps writing $1,000 checks to our elected officials?

October 12 - There's a funny story this morning about a Republican candidate for a house seat in Pennsylvania. It seems he came to Texas to do something nutty with intent to get media coverage. Bad idea.
Look, let me go ahead and warn people outside of Texas - we've got Kinky Friedman running for Governor and a couple of certifiable folks running for Congress. It's gonna take more than elephants and a mariachi band to get our attention. Maybe this doesn't happen in other states, I wouldn't know, but we see an average of 3 or 4 elephants and mariachi bands a week around here.

October 11, 2006 — Reports of an elephant crossing the river or people trying to smuggle an elephant across were rampant Tuesday while an elaborate political stunt was taking shape near the mouth of the Rio Grande.

It was a while later that the stunt, which was a photo shoot, was abruptly met by federal agents.

And you can read the rest of the tale here in the Brownsville Herald. The newspaper says ---

He was in Brownsville to raise funds with friends and decided to get a first-hand look at border security while he was here, he said.

I don't buy that. He was drunk.

October 11 - Oh dear, I guess they've been fishing together or ... something.

October 11 - Where is Denny Hastert going and why is he in that handbasket? Poor Hastert, he's about as desperate as an Aztec witch doctor without a virgin on sacrifice day.

PLANO, Ill. — House Speaker Dennis Hastert met Tuesday with an evangelist who hoped to persuade the Illinois Republican to step down because of the congressional page sex scandal.

Hastert had no comment after the meeting at his home with Christian evangelist K.A. Paul, founder of the Global Peace Initiative who is best known as a spiritual adviser to Charles Taylor, the former Liberian president in jail awaiting trial before a war crimes tribunal.

Paul told The Associated Press he met alone with Hastert for about 30 minutes and prayed with him. He said he told Hastert that he should resign.

"You need to for the sake of the country and for the sake of your future," Paul said he told Hastert. "You pray within your heart and you do it.”

          Thanks to Deb for the heads-up that maybe, just maybe, Hastert got God's attention, but not in that "good" way.
          There was a 2004 article in The New Republic about Rev. Paul. He ain't Billy Graham.
          For his next trick, Hastert will seek ethics advice from Tom DeLay.
          Rev Paul has already done that trick ---

Paul said he'd met Hastert before, but not "in an extended way," like the meeting yesterday. But he's met with former House majority leader Tom DeLay "many times," including dinner with The Hammer at his Texas home in early 2001, Paul told me.

October 11 - Hal, at Half Empty, has done a remarkable research job on how the taxpayers of Fort Bend County got hoodwinked into paying $12 million to "save" land for developers.
And guess who is in the big middle of it all - the developers best friend, County Judge Bob Hebert. And next to Hebert stands Jeff Council, candidate for county treasurer.
This officially makes us the Good-Ole-Boy World Headquarters. If you want a Good-Ole-Boys network in your community, you have to come buy a franchise from us.

October 10 - For those of you who still don't trust the son-of-a-motherless-goat, here's the tax return of The DeLay Foundation for Kids (which has ditched their website).
          The Foundation raised $1.4 million, spent $3.75 million and has $1.5 million left.
          I thought the list of directors was interesting: Ken Willis (Houston), Daniel Downey (Austin), Marcel Dubois (Washington DC), Janice Carter (Dallas), Duane Duncan (Washington DC), Jim Jenkins (Houston), Bill Sarpalius (Washington DC), and Ed Buckham (Frederick, MD)
          That's a nice collection of lobbyists and a guy who has trouble keeping his hands off a non-profit's money --- Ed Buckham? They kept Ed Buckham?

A top adviser to former House Whip Tom DeLay received more than a third of all the money collected by the U.S. Family Network, a nonprofit organization the adviser created to promote a pro-family political agenda in Congress, according to the group's accounting records.

DeLay's former chief of staff, Edwin A. Buckham, who helped create the group while still in DeLay's employ, and his wife, Wendy, were the principal beneficiaries of the group's $3.02 million in revenue, collecting payments totaling $1,022,729 during a five-year period ending in 2001, public and private records show.

There's a better class of people down at the Greyhound station any Friday night.

October 10 - Okay, we’re going to talk a little more about Judge Brady Elliott today and his amazing ability to accomplish diddle squat.
          This takes some ‘splainin’ so stick with me.
          We have some things in Fort Bend called “Associate Judges.” For the most part, they are lawyers who could never make a living in the real world, but take orders pretty well. They couldn’t get elected either, so they are appointed judge by the good-ole-boy network of elected judges. It is their job to do all the actual work of the real judges so the real judges can take long lunches and Fridays off.
          We offer Exhibit #1: Pedro Ruiz. Pedro is a rude fella with an ego the size of your average outer planet. He’s real nice to his superiors but treats everyone else with contempt. He made his place in local lawyer lore by being a below-middling assistant district attorney.
          Pedro became the punchline in a running joke among courthouse watchers because Pedro always cried during his closing arguments. Whether it was a murder or a bigger than average stash of wild weed, Pedro was gonna cry. Even though it didn’t work with most juries, Pedro loved to cry.
          Lawyers would drop whatever they were doing and go into the courtroom to watch Pedro cry over a stolen 1995 Buick. They’d bring their friends from Houston who didn’t believe it to see for themselves. It was an amazing thing and might have worked into a fine Hollywood career for Pedro had he not been tapped to be an Associate Judge.
          He’s a terrible Associate Judge. They can’t get a robe big enough to cover his ego. He was meant for Hollywood.
          Judge Brady Elliott is supposed to oversee Pedro and keep him in line. Now, that’s like asking Cher to make sure that Madonna dresses modestly for church next Sunday.
          I have been leaked a few documents concerning Pedro Ruiz and Brady Elliott’s ability to rein him in. Other judges and courthouse personnel are not pleased. And with good reason.

Today let’s look at two of those documents. The first is a letter from Judge Walter McMeans who is lathered up about Pedro and Brady. It was important enough to him to send a letter about. You know the drill, click on the little one to see the big one.

          And then there’s the District Clerk’s opinion. I think this is the first one-page letter Glory Hopkins ever wrote, which should be a warning that she’s mad enough to eat bees.
          I have known Janice Wile in her official duties for 25 years and I have never seen her be anything but professional and efficient. Mr. Hollywood Ruiz is one step away from hacking me off bad. Real bad.
          If Judge Brady Elliott cannot or will not control him, then both of them need to skedaddle.
          I think I hear Hollywood calling, Boys!

October 10 - The Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club is holding their breath and a noon prayer meeting over this.

With the capital already mired in its latest sex scandal, federal agents last week raided the home of a woman they allege has, for the past 13 years, operated a Washington, D.C. escort service that dispatched college-educated prostitutes to the homes and hotel rooms of well-heeled clients. A two-year probe by Internal Revenue Service and Unites States Postal Inspection Service agents has targeted the Pamela Martin & Associates escort service…….

They are praying that there are more Democratic names than Republican names on the list. And they do see a bright side -- at least it's not a homosexual prostitution ring that Republican men are involved with this time.
It's tough being a Belle these days - they're considering going into the alibi business instead of baking cookies.

October 10 - Hey Commissioner Boys! Lookie over here! Better start digging a hole in the backyard to hide your political contributions. If even the City of Houston is putting contributions online, how does it look when a big ole county government still refuses to do so?

City officials unveiled a proposed electronic system on Monday to make political candidates' campaign filings available in an online, searchable database — a change that would bring Houston in line with most other major cities.
The new system could require most city candidates to put their campaign contributions, expenditures and other political records in a database that would be accessible on the Internet.

Come on, Boys. All we're asking for is honesty and openness. That ain't much, you know.

October 9 - I’m not all hacked off at Judge Brady Elliott simply because he’s crazy.

This is Texas, for Cletus’ sake, where we don’t consider insanity to be a character flaw. We adore and respect our crazy people in Texas. In foreign states, they lock their crazy uncles in the attic. In Texas we give them the best chair in the parlor and invite people over to meet them. We don’t ask if there’s insanity in your family; we ask which side it’s on.

After all, this is the state that put Ross Perot in charge of public education. It’s true. About twenty years ago, we figured that public education was in such bad shape that it couldn’t get any worse. So, just for fun, we put Boss Ross in charge. We knew it wouldn’t get any better, but at least it’d be entertaining.

Ross is nuts. We love him. We even encourage him to use our accent when he talks on national teevee. We’re hoping he’ll be an ambassador to bring other crazy people to the state. Hey, two or three Ross Perots and a case of Lone Star even beats the Cotton Bowl for entertainment value.

Perot just follows a long line of proud Texas heroes who were a bubble off plumb. Hey, lookie at Sam Houston - a raging alcoholic, womanizer, and oddball. I mean, Sam Houston was Bill Clinton on a 30-year drunk. Sam was a great man and we elected him President of the Republic of Texas. Today we honor his memory with spiritual reverence. He was nuts. Deranged. A great Texan. Named a city after him.

How about Jim Bowie? At the Alamo, he became so insane with syphilis that they tied him to the bed and gave him about as much ammo as a North Korean dictator. Most of us were all hacked-off when Disney left that part out of the movie. And Davy Crocket? He killed him a bahr when he was only three. ‘Nuff said.

Right here in Fort Bend, we had Carrie Nation. A frothing prohibitionist, she went around busting-up saloons with an axe. She was Lizzie Borden with bad aim.

Texas elected Ma Ferguson to the Governor’s office, where, it’s recorded, she defended not teaching foreign languages in public schools by saying, "If English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for Texans."

I have a mental health professional friend who contends that you should only be sane enough to (1) make airplane reservations, (2) pay your bills, and (3) know how to say "please" and "thank you" at appropriate times. "Anything beyond that," she says, "is wasted effort."

That’s true in Texas. However, I would like to add "know all your children’s first names" to her list. But, it’s not necessary to match the right name to the right child. Just start yelling their names in birth order and you’ll eventually get to the one you’re hollering at. Heck, matching them up could make you crazy all on its own.

I’ve had two elected officials tell me that I’m crazy. I’m real proud of that. I’m working on three before the year’s up, which will be a personal record. I only have a couple of weeks left. So if you see me with a tin foil hat and a bus with signs painted on the side, just remember that I’m only doing my Texas duty.

Look, I can’t recommend insanity as a way of life for everyone, but it sure has worked for me.

I think it’s a good thing that we’ve had a couple of crazzzzy elected officials around here. We used to have an old county judge who got drunk and wizzed on the courthouse lawn every now and then. It kinda took all the fun out of going to commissioner’s court when he got defeated.

But, we used to draw the line at judges. Judges can hurt you. They can put your butt and jail and take all your money. We’ve had a couple of crooked judges, and one that really, really liked the ladies, but a nutty judge is a dangerous thing.

The Commission of Judicial Conduct agrees and in 1999, they gave a very rare public censure – the most severe penalty they can give – to Judge Brady Elliott for being a bully and a jerk. You can read it for yourself here. Brady Elliott’s public censure

Judge Elliott admits to doing it and says that it was “a mistake.” No, sir, wearing two different color socks is a mistake. Forgetting your keys is a mistake. Spilling milk is a mistake. This was way beyond mistake – this flagrant was abuse of power. You can’t accidentally do that. You’ve got to involve some intent to get something as severe as a censure.

Good heavens, the Judicial Conduct Commission only gave a reprimand to a judge who became romantically involved with a married woman who had matters pending in the judge’s court. What Elliott did was more egregious than the judge who telephoned juvenile girls who were on probation in his court for truancy and engaged in explicit sexual conversations.

To his mild credit, Elliott hasn’t had any more Judicial Conduct Commission problems since then, but he’s still freekin’ crazy. He’s still being a bully. Here’s a PDF copy of a letter he sent out to all the judges just last May. Arrogance is Brady Elliott’s trademark.

Elliott’s been a bully and a jerk on the local Board and Judges. I’ve got more stories to tell you about him that make him sound feral in the social skills department. He is. I don’t have a problem with that. What I have a problem with is that he’s dangerous because he has a gavel and it's loaded.

I don’t want anybody saying that I’m against Elliott just because he’s a Republican. There are three Republican judges in this county who I count as friends of mine. I may not agree with how they vote for President, but I think they are honest, decent people who keep politics off the bench. I would trust them with my life. Elliott ain’t one of them.

In the coming weeks, I’m going to tell you some stories about Elliott. I just wanted you to know that crazy is okay by me – just so long it’s not in a judge.

October 9 - My friend David caught me this picture from Bill Maher's latest show. Under NEW RULES, Maher says,

"... and if you are a politician, and you get caught taking money from a lobbyist, you don't lose your office, but, you have to dress like the whore that you are."

And this picture flashes across the screen ---

Actually, he's kinda pretty. Wonder if there's an Illinois Congressman who might be interested?

October 9 - I would like to personally thank the National Republican Congressional Committee for suppressing the straight ticket Republican vote in Congressional District 22. Well done, Boys!
If stupidity ever goes to $80 a barrel, the NRCC Fellas ought to sell.
Take a lookie at what they sent to the voters in CD22. It's a handy little thing you can tear off and take in the voting booth with you. Click on the little ones to see big ones.

Okay, let's look closer at this ----

          That's not entirely true, you can vote a straight Republican ticket and then write-in Shelley's name. Both the straight ticket and Shelley's vote will count. But stupid reigns, and the mailer suggests that you should NOT vote a straight ticket Republican.
          This mailer walks the Republican voter through Shelley's two races without ever mentioning the local or statewide Republican races.
          All kidding and poking fun at Republican Fellas aside, I am told from inside sources that the NRCC has been alerted that even the most rabid local Republicans won't be voting for either of the Republican Elliotts - Annie or Brady, so it was better to show people how to vote for Shelley without voting for the Elliotts.
          But, boy howdy, I bet this hacks off Rick Perry! Straight ticket Republican is the only way he'll win.

October 6 - Well, surprise, surprise. Tom DeLay is going out the same door he used to come in - the crooked one!
The FEC has a few questions for Tom ---

Schedule A of your report discloses the receipt of contributions designated for the general election that were received after the date the candidate terminated their candidacy.

          Hey, Thelma's not running for anything either so can she get a campaign donation? So, not being a candidate keeps you from raising campaign funds? Well now, that doesn't seem fair.
          I remember a time back when Ole Tom wanted to give tax money to businesses that didn't pollute instead of fining those who did. I suggested that we could also give money to people who don't rob banks instead of putting those who do rob banks in jail.
          But, this opens a whole new frontier -- we could give money to unqualified people who DON'T run for elective office instead of giving it to people who do! Good Lord, Andy Meyers could get rich this way!
          I have it on good authority that it was $10,000 that the FEC is interested in. I guess Ole Tom will be a little light on the green fees this month, huh?

October 6 - Yes, people are still madder than a wet hen about the County Commissioner Boys renting a house from one of their buddies at a windfall profit.
For you folks from foreign states, I went and took pictures of the house we're paying $4,600 a month to rent, plus feeding the pets.

That's the jail you see in the fall off right hand corner.

and

Now, here's some houses across the street that the owners would be more than willing to rent for $4,600 a month plus feeding their pets.

In fact, they'd probably settle for $1,000 a month and feel guilty for ripping off the taxpayers.

October 6 - Pay to play comes home this week at Commissioner's Court. From next week's court agenda. Sweet wheelin' and dealin'.

Approve payment of Invoice No. 304116 (Pay Estimate No.9) in the amount of $11,583.01 to PBS&J for professional services regarding FM 359 (from Jones Creek to FM 723) Mobility Bond Project #49, Pct. 3. (Fund: 230-043-4301-7863)

          So, PBS&J is getting some of their political contributions back.
          I'm hoping to hear Commissioner Andy Meyers chat on video tape about the "missing" contributions/kickbacks and the strawmen from Miami who want good government in Fort Bend County.
          Hey Andy, our cow died so we won't be needing your bull any more.

October 6 - From Roll Call Poor Denny Hastert, even desperation doesn't help.

Meanwhile, in another sign that the Foley scandal is taking its toll on Republican House leaders, Houston City Councilwoman Shelley Sekula Gibbs, the GOP write-in candidate in the race to replace DeLay, has decided not to accept Hastert’s offer to travel to Texas and help her raise money for her race against former Rep. Nick Lampson (D).

If Shelley turns you down, that makes you less popular than Dick Cheney, which, of course, put you in the paper cut of popularity department.

October 5 - I'm sorry, but this is just too funny not to mention. Creepy Mark Foley, of underage page adoration fame, set up a joint political fundraising committee with some of his Republican colleagues. The name of that committee? PROM
No, I did not make that up.

Days before Fort Lauderdale U.S. Rep. Clay Shaw denounced former House colleague Mark Foley and said he wouldn't let his grandchildren near him, Shaw, Foley and two other Florida congressmen teamed up to raise money for their campaigns.

In all, 13 incumbent Republican House members from seven states are listed as participants in a special fundraising committee that federal election records show was formed on Sept. 18.
The name of the committee is Physicians to Retain Our majority, or PROM. The two Florida congressmen are Ric Keller of Orlando and Cliff Stearns of Silver Springs

Hey, at least it wasn't RUHORNY?

October 5 - I love yew, Fort Bend Republican Party!
Republican County Treasurer candidate Jeff Council finally speaks the truth about Republicanism.
Click on the little one to see the big one.

Oh yes, your eyes do not fail you --

Jeff promises to Jealously guard the taxpayer's money.

Zealous = full of, characterized by, or due to zeal; ardently active, devoted, or diligent.

Jealous = feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc.

Ring, ring. Jeff, it's for you. Dr. Freud calling

You gotta admire the man's truthfulness. (No, I am not going to go into that whole picture framey thing over there. That's just too egotistic even for me.)

UPDATE: Bryan Photoshopped it.

October 5 - Okay, it's official - Denny Hastert has lost his mind and didn't even get the memo about it. He's blaming the whole Mark Foley incident on Bill Clinton.
In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Hastert said he would not resign because "the GOP base" would discover ---

He went on to suggest that operatives aligned with former President Bill Clinton knew about the allegations and were perhaps behind the disclosures in the closing weeks before the Nov. 7 midterm elections, but he offered no hard proof.

"All I know is what I hear and what I see," the speaker said. "I saw Bill Clinton's adviser, Richard Morris, was saying these guys knew about this all along. If somebody had this info, when they had it, we could have dealt with it then."

Okay, so like this is real embarrassing, but the Fort Bend Republican Party had Richard "Dick" Morris here as their speaker for the Lincoln Day Dinner on February 11th. You know, Richard Morris the Republican.

October 5 - Last night on PBS Brother Bill Moyers committed real journalism. A two hour piece called Capitol Crimes led you into a world of Super DeLux Brand Christians Tom DeLay and Ralph Reed worshiping the dollar while mumbling something about Jesus.
One other thing. After watching that show last night and remembering the Watergate hearings, I would rather my kid be a Congressional page than a College Republican.
It appears that the truly evil stuff in government gets hatched by College Republicans. I'm not even going to get on airplanes with former College Republicans anymore. Those guys become really evil dudes when they grow up..

October 4 - Click here to track stolen gifs

DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

October 4 - County taxpayers just landed on Boardwalk with three hotels. And who benefits from our bad luck? Judge Cliff Vacek - one of the real special Republican crony boys.
The county is leasing his old law office out in the country and paying downtown Houston prices.

According to the lease agreement commissioners voted for Tuesday, the county will pay the partnership $4,668 a month in rent beginning Nov. 1 and ending Oct. 31, 2009.

At that rate, Vacek and Hoffman will be paid $56,016 per year in rent. Over the three-year life of the agreement, they will make $168,048 in rent, which is more than the property’s total appraised value.

[more stuff you need to read so click the link]

The county is required to pay all charges for all utilities, including water, sewer, gas, electricity, telephone, broadband Internet access and monitored security services. “Tenant further acknowledges landlord’s right to make such use of water as may reasonably be necessary for landscaping uses and to maintain the water troughs for the cattle at the rear of the property.”

Stavinoha said after the meeting he understands the cattle belong to Judge Vacek.

Okay, so the taxpayers are buying the house for Judge Vacek and the water for his cattle. Let's hope he doesn't need a yacht.
Had Enough yet?

October 3 - Just when you think it can't get any crazier, Katherine Harris opens her mouth to speak. No, seriously, you have to see this. Click that sucker. It's important.
Thanks to Wonkette and Deb for making my afternoon more cheerful. I wouldn't recommend insanity as a way of life for anyone, but it sure seems to be working for Katherine Harris, doesn't it?
And this may not be over.

A former senior Republican official in Congress says Foley was one of a handful of members and staff whose behavior with pages was being closely watched.

But so far Foley is the only member whose overt sexual approaches have been documented.

October 3 - Dollars to donuts, they're Republicans.

A Caney Creek High School dad is fired up because the Conroe Independent School District uses the book "Fahrenheit 451" as classroom reading material.

Alton Verm, of Conroe, objects to the language and content in the book. His 15-year-old daughter Diana, a CCHS sophomore, came to him Sept. 21 with her reservations about reading the book because of its language.

"The book had a bunch of very bad language in it," Diana Verm said. "It shouldn't be in there because it's offending people. ... If they can't find a book that uses clean words, they shouldn't have a book at all."

Not only to do they see no humor in banning books about about book burning, they also - oops - forgot that the Bible gets a bit rowdy at times.
Yo, Diana! Listen up, Girl. Read the damn book. It'll do you some good.

October 2 - Our buddy, Kathy, keeps us informed on Roseland, Indiana.
Now the Snyders are fighting among themselves.

The insults worsened to the point at which Snyder called Shields a word for human waste and Shields told Snyder he smelled like the same.

The men began chuckling after the round of insults.

Dorothy Snyder, seated between the two, pounded her gavel and admonished both men, but the insults soon began again, with David Snyder yelling at Shields, who demanded he stop.

The only observers were a park board member and a Tribune reporter.

David Snyder loudly accused Shields of being destructive for organizing opposition and for costing the town legal fees because of Shields’ participation in litigation against the town.

When Snyder did not stop shouting, Shields walked out of the meeting.

When Dorothy Snyder asked her husband to stop using a loud voice, David Snyder also threatened to walk out without approving the budget.

For those of you NOT following Roseland – pull up a chair and catch up from past posts.

October 2 - Headline front page breaking news on one of our County Commissioner's and County Judge’s political benefactors in today’s Miami Herald. Our Commissioner Boys have joined the ranks of bigtime wheeler-dealer kickback politicians.
          If there’s gonna be politicians sticking their hands out for illegal contributions, we’re certainly proud to have our boys on the front line with a sign that says, "Will give county contracts for food, but we prefer money."
          The rip-off was part of a sweeping, decades long practice in which PBS&J used employees as ''straw'' donors to make thousands of illicit contributions to politicians across the country, according to Maria Garcia, the former accounting manager. Employees wrote the checks, and then the company reimbursed them.
          The story, according to Garcia: She used different accounting tricks to make reimbursements look like legitimate bonuses or business expenses.
          Click right here for a PDF example of Our Boys playing loose with this scam. Notice all the small contributions from “employee engineers” and then the big contributions to County Judge Bob Hebert, Commissioner Andy Meyers, and a small contribution to Commissioner James Patterson. I guess Harris County Commissioner Steve Radack has some ‘splainin’ to do, too.
          And click here to read how a “lost” donation to one of Our Boys got found. Sadly for Our Boys, PBS&J also reports giving them money they claim they never got. I say “sadly” because this will surely trigger an investigation of all their contributions.
          Hey Federal Investigators, woooweeee, look over here! I've got their campaign contribution and expenditure forms going back 10 years.

October 1 - Josh Marshall has some interesting thoughts on Super DeLux Brand Christian Tom DeLay and secrets kept stored away about pedophile Mark Foley ---

Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay was known for--indeed prided himself and built his power upon--his encyclopedic knowledge of the House GOP caucus: members' likes and dislikes, their personal and political strengths and weaknesses, their pressure points.

[more stuff in here you might want to read]

The peccadilloes of congressmen is the black market currency on the Hill. Gossip is golden. And Tom Delay was the leading broker. So what did he know and when?

(Thanks to Paul for the heads up.)
However, you'd have to take a number and wait in line to ask questions about what Tom DeLay knows. He's booked solid for the next 10 - 15 years.

October 1 - Our friend Deb, who is an expert at finding genuine fun stuff on the internets, sent us this amusement ----

Police union demands apology from 'fancy little football person'

DALLAS The head of the Dallas police union is demanding an apology from Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens and his publicist, after what was first described as a suicide attempt by Owens using painkillers.

The Dallas Police Association is angry that Owens and the publicist disputed part of a police report dealing with Owens' trip to the hospital.

The police report that was received by several media outlets made reference to a suicide attempt. But the publicist has called the report inaccurate. And Owens told reporters he can't remember what he said to rescuers.

The union chief says police were doing their job -- and now they're being criticized by what he calls "some fancy little football person." Senior Corporal Glenn White says, "Those officers are ten times better than this man."

He's telling Owens and the publicist to apologize to the officers who answered the call.

There's no immediate response from either.

October 1 - He co-chaired the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus? See, after Tom DeLay, the Republicans have no sense of irony. They let Foley be head of the committee of what he was best at.

Only after Reynolds's definitive statement did Hastert concede yesterday that he may have been notified of some of the questionable activities of Foley, 52, who had co-chaired the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus. Hastert said, however, that he knew nothing of the sexually explicit instant messages that became public Friday when ABC News and other news outlets reported them. The messages apparently were exchanged with youths other than the 16-year-old.

What other secrets is Hastert keeping? I've always thought that Pete Sessions is a little creepy. Oh yeah, and that Conrad Burns, he's a shiver, ain't he?
You Tube has a video of Foley on "America's Most Wanted" with John Walsh talking about "sickos." There's just a tad too much excitement in Foley's voice when talking about this subject matter.

September 30 - Republican cronyism raises its hydra head again. This time they're using our children's education to stuff their pockets with tax dollars. Bush Pioneer Randy Best made $360 million by rigging the Department of Education's Reading First program so states had to buy reading materials from his company, Voyager.

The centerpiece of the new research-based approach was Reading First, a $1 billion-a-year effort to help low-income schools adopt strategies "that have been proven to prevent or remediate reading failure" through rigorous peer-reviewed studies. "Quite simply, Reading First focuses on what works, and will support proven methods of early reading instruction," the Education Department promised.

Five years later, an accumulating mound of evidence from reports, interviews and program documents suggests that Reading First has had little to do with science or rigor. Instead, the billions have gone to what is effectively a pilot project for untested programs with friends in high places.

You know that place in hell reserved for the druggist who was diluting the drugs of cancer patients to make more money? Well, these guys won't be that low, but they will be able to see him from where they are.