Juanita's

January 1 - The Hammer and Scicle
          This story ain't new. This story started a long time ago and our friends at the Brazos River Yacht Club and Bait Camp were on it back then.

“A conservative group with ties to House Majority Whip Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) collected $1.3 million in donations in 1998--including $1 million from an unidentified donor--and spent it on items including a GMC pickup truck, an MCI Center skybox and a Capitol Hill town house, according to the group's tax records and an interview with its president”

                    - The Washington Post, April 4, 2000

          Back then, when I was still writing in the newspaper, I merrily suggested that a famous local drug dealer had given Tom the money. When Tom didn't sue me, I caught a clue that maybe the source was even worse than a drug dealer. I guess I was right.
          Talk about ending the New Year with a BANG! As Alfredo says, "Hey, at least he's consistent. Turns out DeLay was bought by both American AND Russian oil and gas companies."

The U.S. Family Network, a public advocacy group that operated in the 1990s with close ties to Rep. Tom DeLay and claimed to be a nationwide grass-roots organization, was funded almost entirely by corporations linked to embattled lobbyist Jack Abramoff, according to tax records and former associates of the group.

During its five-year existence, the U.S. Family Network raised $2.5 million but kept its donor list secret. The list, obtained by The Washington Post, shows that $1 million of its revenue came in a single 1998 check from a now-defunct London law firm whose former partners would not identify the money's origins.

............

The former president of the U.S. Family Network said Buckham told him that Russians contributed $1 million to the group in 1998 specifically to influence DeLay's vote on legislation the International Monetary Fund needed to finance a bailout of the collapsing Russian economy.

              Goodness sake, he's not only a greedy little pimp who would take food out of little children's mouths and kick grandma out of the nursing home, he's also a Commie. A dirty, rotten Commie. We should have known.
          In a typical DeLay twist, in July of 1998, the same year he did this dirty little secret deal, Tom gave that infamous speech on the House floor saying that politicians shouldn't take money from people with "foreign-sounding names."

Standing next to an enlarged photograph of Vice President Al Gore at a Buddhist temple fund-raiser, DeLay said: "If you have a friend by the name of Arief and Soraya, and I cannot even pronounce the last name - Wiriadinata, something like that - who donated $450,000 to the DNC and was friends with a guy named Johnny Huang, and later returned it because Wiriadinata could not explain where it came from, then probably there is a high probability that it's money from foreign nationals.

"I could go on with John Lee and Cheong Am, Yogesh Gandhi, Ng Lap Seng, Supreme Master Suma Ching Hai and George Psaltis," DeLay said mockingly, citing names of contributors that surfaced during the Democratic campaign finance controversy.

          I want you to hear this: Tom DeLay casts enough stones to be declared an honorary Palestinian.
         Shame on you, Tom, for spanking Al Gore when what you were doing AT THE SAME EXACT TIME involved three times as much money. So rules are only for Democrats, huh Tom? There you stood in your hand-crafted Italian loafers, stoning someone else when you're about as pure as a flesh-eating bacteria. Happy New Year, Bud.


December 30 - We have it on good authority that Judge Brady Idiot ... errrr, Elliott will have both a Democratic and Republican opponent. That's great news for the county and the entire American judicial system because Elliott is three peas short of a pod. I'm not kidding. His little temper tantrum are things of courthouse lore.
          I am told that Ken Bryant has not filed for the State Rep, District 27 seat yet, but he's told people that he will file Monday. So, I'll remove his name until he actually files.

December 30 - The Washington Post has a cool little graphic showing how Jack Abramoff may bring down Congress.
          Over the weekend and all day Monday, we'll be posting local candidate filings and linking to their websites as soon as they get one.

December 29 - (As an added extra attraction) Poor Chris. Day before election - and he's worried about me instead of his paying client. I think I get a Democrat award for suckering him. I mean, the poor little kid spent all morning searching my website for something I said three months ago. That's worse than pathetic. And yes, he's a kid. Anybody who uses little smiley faces is not an adult. I do wonder if he dots his "i" with a little heart.
          Look, I write this website for my entertainment and the entertainment of a few friends, maybe half a dozen at most. Chris is not on that list. Nobody makes him come here. Or you either. Catching me changing my mind because events change in 3 months is classified as Reasonable Person who changes their mind - and one more reason why I'm not a Republican. Well, that and the whole Cheney is an idiot thing.



Ta Da! Tom DeLay has another credible opponent in the primary, Republican attorney Thomas Campbell of Sugar Land.
          I loved that newspaper article. It quotes Fort Bend County Republican Party Chairman Eric Thode (who no longer lives in Fort Bend County) as saying that DeLay is a “popular incumbent.” See, that’s what happens when you move away from the district and still try to run things. Maybe DeLay is still popular at Thode’s parent’s house where Thode claims he lives for voting purposes but not for homestead exemption purposes, but in the rest of the district DeLay has a 36% approval rating.
          More on Campbell from the Houston Press.
          DeLay now has three primary opponents. You can count on a run-off.
          And Alfredo sends us this tidbit from the Wall Street Journal's Washington Whispers column ---

RED INK? New monthly report from DeLay’s political action committee shows it took in eight November contributions totaling $39,000 while paying $62,671 in expenses. That included more than $20,000 in legal fees. The PAC reported $69,322.79 cash on hand and $145,931.81 in debts.

December 29 - Okay, I wanna know what level of lazy reporters have to be in order to trust Tom DeLay's latest spokesman, Kevin "Foaming at the Mouth" Madden.

The erroneous media reports, which the San Antonio Express-News published in a wire story and displayed online, come from DeLay's spokesman, Kevin Madden, in an e-mail sent to reporters Tuesday evening, after courts had closed for the night.

“FYI-Breaking news out of Austin, TX,” the e-mail stated. “The state Court of Criminal Appeals has agreed to hear Mr. DeLay's habeas motion that was filed at the end of last week. The court has set a one-week deadline for briefs to be filed by the parties involved. The court could essentially decide to end Ronnie Earle's prosecution after hearing this motion and the facts presented.”

Madden said this afternoon that he made an error and never intended to “spin” the story.

“In an effort to be instantaneous, I wasn't precise.....My understanding (of the decision) was correct. The way I relayed it wasn't,” he said.

          Maybe the big league journalists need a little help from a Texas hairdresser, so here's a clue Reporter Boys, --- Tom DeLay and his stream of spokesmen will lie to you. It's on their resume like this: "Can lie with a straight face and my hand on a stack of Bibles while standing on my mother's grave. Furthermore, I can lie about lieing in the first place." On their resumes, this will not only be listed under "job skills," but will be repeated under "hobbies."
          Ya know, I've been a fairly alert woman most of my life and never, never have I ever heard another woman say they like men to be "instantaneous." Maybe Mr. Madden also needs to check the level of .... um, shall we say, satisfaction in the woman in his life.

December 27 - Bob Dunn is doing a great job of covering the musical political chairs in the State Representative and State Senate races.
          I'll update our little chart as I have time. Hey, I got some cool Christmas presents and I'm playing with them, so don't count on me to spend a whole lot of time here. A friend gave me Caroline Kennedy's A PATRIOT'S HANDBOOK, which you need a forklift to pick up, but is totally captivating. It should be in every home.
          Plus, I'm having so much fun calling all my friends up north and saying, "Wanna know where I am? I'm on the back porch wearing cut-offs, a tee-shirt and flip-flops." Sadly, most of them either don't want to know, aren't amused, or hang up on me.   My hibiscus are blooming. Damn, I love yew, Texas.

December 22 - Thanks to a heads-up from a loyal customer, today lunch will be a steaming Plate of Crow a la Tom DeLay. These terrible, trembling words were spoken in November of 1995, shortly before Tom sold his soul to Satan for a round of golf at Pinehurst, a Cuban cigar, and a floozy lady to be named later.

"The time has come that the American people know exactly what their Representatives are doing here in Washington. Are they feeding at the public trough, taking lobbyist-paid vacations, getting wined and dined by special interest groups? Or are they working hard to represent their constituents? The people, the American people, have a right to know ... I say the best disinfectant is full disclosure, not isolation."

         Don't believe me? Well, lookie right about here, Sister. My sources send original copy! We're highly trained and licensed professionals around here.

December 21 - Okay, let me start this by explaining a little something about professional golf tournaments. The winners get paid with money raised from teevee, folks who attend the tournament to watch, and something called “corporate sponsors.”
          Tournament officials entice corporate sponsors by offering vanity and ego. Corporate sponsors get to play with the professional players in the pro-am, get prize seats in covered and air conditioned tents to watch the players, get fed fancy-pants food, get booze handed to them by lovely young things, and get their egos fed all week because they are treated like hot-shots.
          The downside is that these sponsorships are usually tax write-offs, plus they consider it the cost of doing business and pass the cost along to you, the consumer. The upside is that professional golf does a lot to help local charities. Of course, these corporate sponsors could just give money directly to charities, but that would take all the vanity out of it.
          It’s pretty plain and simple.
          However, I just saw something that I have never, ever seen in my whole, entire life – a charity being a corporate sponsor. A charity giving away money so their hot-shots can play the vanity game with someone else’s money.
          You guessed it – Tom DeLay. Take a lookie right here at the corporate sponsors for an upcoming tournament in Houston. Cadillac, Cingular, Coca-Cola, The DeLay Foundation, Microsoft, Schlumberger ….. whoa, pull in on them reins.
         The DeLay Foundation?
          Okay, so now take a look here at the charities this golf tournament is helping – click this sucker. None of them, while extremely worthy of any help we can give them, is the DeLay Foundation.
          It’s pretty plain and simple. Tom DeLay is using little children’s money to feed his own ego. He is pulling food out of children’s mouths so he can play golf. Now, I’m not saying that Tom DeLay is the most evil, vile, and worthless human in the entire State of Texas ….. no, wait, that’s exactly what I’m saying.
          The tournament is October 9 - 15th of 2006, right before election time. I think we're also expecting the second bi-annual Sugar Creek Baptist Church countywide news magazine with Tom DeLay in the centerfold that same week!

December 21 - Thanks to a customer for this nifty little graphic of what Tom DeLay has been doing for You!

          And while we're enjoying Tom's lifestyle today, remember how Jack Abramoff used to take Tom to the opera? Well, I wonder if Jack sings bass or tenor?

December 20 - Okay, the next time that Tom DeLay tells you how much he loves Jesus, you might ask if maybe, just maybe, Jesus comes in a distance third behind golf and cigars.   Check this out!

Over the past six years, the former House majority leader and his associates have visited places of luxury most Americans have never seen, often getting there aboard corporate jets arranged by lobbyists and other special interests.

Public documents reviewed by The Associated Press tell the story: at least 48 visits to golf clubs and resorts with lush fairways; 100 flights aboard company planes; 200 stays at hotels, many world-class; and 500 meals at restaurants, some averaging nearly $200 for a dinner for two.

         I wonder how many Fort Benders or poor little homeless children got to go along with Tom?
          What ever happened to "public servant?" Tom DeLay thinks he's Paris Hilton!

December 20 - Oh rats, now the Republicans will use this decision to raise money from people who didn't evolve. Hey, I look at it this way, teaching intelligent design isn't gonna make the religious freaks any darn smarter.
           I guess this whole War on Christmas thing wasn't bringing in enough donations to the greedmongers, so now they gotta fight those activist judges, including the one who just dismisses charges willy-nilly in the Tom DeLay case.
          My friend Lyz says, "I'll put the Christ back in Christmas, when the far right puts Him back in Christianity." I agree.

December 19 - Dr. Doyle (The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon's Resident Professing Professional) has made note of something odd coming out of the President's mouth. Please sit down to absorb the shock factor.
          Dr Doyle first notes:

Has it been noted that our "We don't comment on ongoing criminal investigations (because we're guilty as hell in the Plame case and can't think of a good sound bite)" White House has ripped open their defensive shell for Tom's sake?

What do we make of this?

          The next day, Bush 'splains what he really, really meant but just didn't know all those fancy words 'bout rule of law and stuff. It took 24 hours for someone to come up with a spin that would work.

Bush told PBS' "Newshour" in an interview to be aired Friday night that he considered DeLay "innocent until proven otherwise."

            Otherwise? And that would be? What's that word I'm looking for? Ummm .... not innocent. ummmm.... surely there's a word for that .....

          Or, as Dr Doyle re-notes:

"Oh ... yeah, um, I just meant everyone is innocent, unless they're not. Same way when I said Saddam had weapons of mass destruction, I just meant ... um, that the sun is a weapon of mass destruction since it's a big hydrogen bomb and all, and it shines on Iraq. Same as, um, everywhere else. So, technically not untrue."

Yeesh.

          The first spin of "the investigation is further along" or "presidential prerogative" is living proof that Scott McClellan ain't no Karl Rove. Cripes!

December 16 - Oh Lord, they took Tom DeLay down the pond to get him baptized again. Every time that happens we have to skim nasty for a week.
          You know, he's been born again so many times that you can't keep track of his belly buttons.

December 16 - Things are looking worse than a hurricane with two eyes for Tom DeLay. Both Michael Scanlon and Tony Rudy are having a Come to Jesus Meetin' with federal prosecutors.
          Ronnie Earle is fixin' to be the least of Tom DeLay's troubles.
          Now my biggest concern is that Tom will withdraw from the GOP ticket for re-election and the Republicans might could replace him with someone who has ethics a little higher than a snake's belly by January 2nd. So, if ya see Tom, please tell him to stay on the ticket and fight those horrible Philistines! Go on out there on that limb, Tom, and show your courage. Juanita's right behind you with a saw, Son.
          Or, in metaphorical overload, you might tell him to have the courage to fight by walking right out there on the gangplank. "All your friends are right behind ya, Tom, ... talking to prosecutors."

December 15 - There is also a real special place in hell for this guy. Just when you thought he couldn't get any more evil, he does.

December 15 - We fight for freedom of speech in Iraq, but we can't be having it in Fort Bend County, huh? It is a known fact that if you dig to the very bottom of hell, then shovel four more feet of dirt and then look down, you will see developers. They are standing on top of the members of the Greater Fort Bend Economic Development Council. So sue me.

And another toon brought to you by your Congressman ---

December 14 - You folks from foreign states will enjoy the Houston Chronicle's Cragg Hines. Hines wonders, "Where will vote be fairer, Sugar Land or Nineveh?"
          And the Plano school district wants Bill O'Reilly's loofa, oops, I mean apology.
          And on a local level, Bob Dunn brings us the story of last night's Arcola meeting. Cronyism at it's finest -- the big boys are attempting to stomp all over the small landowners.

December 14 - Travis County DA Ronnie Earle is going after more records. Which brings me to a thought. Tom DeLay hates trial lawyers - he always bad-mouthing them and accusing them of being in bed with the devil himself. Well, okay, maybe not in bed, but at least dating.
          So, why does Tom DeLay have more lawyers than OJ? Why doesn't Tom defend himself so he doesn't have to associate with evil people?

December 14 - Okay, so sometimes things get just too weird and creepy for a sweet lady like me.
          A local GOPper, who is jumping ship soon while he still has a lick of sense left, sent me the following information. Bobby Eberle, publisher of the online “news” source, GOP USA (which used to be called Talon News) is running for Vice Chair of the Texas Republican party. That’s where the story starts.
          The middle part of the story goes like this ---
          Remember Jeff Gannon (who is also known as James Guckert), the male homosexual call-boy who got into the White House press room to ask President Bush softball questions, and then it got all hushed-up because nobody really wanted to think about a male call-boy getting in the White House within 10 feet of the President? Well, Gannon/Guckert’s press credentials were with Talon News, which is now known as GOP USA, but is still owned and operated by Bobby Eberle, the only person, place, or thing in this whole sordid story who hasn’t had the good sense to change his name.
          Okay, so it’s funny enough that the man who vouched for Gannon The Male Call-Boy as a reporter is running for VICE chair of the Texas GOP.
          Here comes the end part ----
          The local GOPper also sent me a copy of an online semi-endorsement (it's a two man race) of Eberle written by a local male GOP twentyish-something blogger that – seriously – went like this:

"I guess if you were to place odds, Eberle would be the favorite based on how many man hours he has spent working for the GOP. I'm sure we'll start seeing his slick glossy mailers early in 2006. The race is a name ID position. So he better build it up, or risk some bigger name coming in and taking it away from him."

          I dunno. Even the movie Top Gun wasn’t that homoerotic.
          I give this race a 10 on the Entertainment Potential scale.

December 13 - Ben Sargent, nothing but net ---

December 12 - The Supremes will hear the Texas redistricting case. There would be a certain Shakespearian justice if Tom DeLay has to go to jail for doing something that got overturned - especially if it got overturned by a Republican Court. I mean, if that happened, I'd have to go visit Tom in jail and say, "day-aaa-yum." (Which, for you people from foreign states, is how we say damn when something just surpasses the regular use of the word.)
          I guess I need to haul out my jeweled pocket calculator and figure out how much money this redistricting scheme has already cost Texas taxpayers. We could probably give every citizen in Texas a handmade pair of boots and a free college education for what this has already cost us.
          And the big question is --- if The Supremes overturn this, do we have to go back to the original districts and hold elections all over again? Oh, I hope not. That means Tom will have to hit-up his insurance, oil, booze, and pharmaceutical buddies for more campaign contributions and then none of us will be able to afford diddle squat. And now that Jack Abramoff is out of the congressional-money-pimp business, Tom will have to be a street corner ho instead of a high-dollar call girl. Oh well, at least he's had practice at it.
          And today there is a Kerplunk! From real lazy people, the headline reads, "Abramoff's Secrets, Claims on Lawmakers May Start Emerging Soon" This will be fun - I've never heard The Skinny Guy sing the aria before!

December 8 - Okay, the bad news is so that Tom DeLay can tend his legal business, they’re closing down the rightwing Republican Congress for six weeks. No, wait, my bad. That’s the GOOD news. No Republican Congress, no kickback payoffs.
          The peoples’ business will be put on the back burner so Tom DeLay can argue that checks are not money. As Tony’s friend said, “Isn’t saying that checks aren’t money kinda like saying that a blow job isn’t sex?” (Sorry, Momma, I just couldn't think of a proper word to use, and the line was just too funny not to use.)
          And for you "can't get enough of seeing Tom sweat" Folks, we have some splat, splat, splat for today. He's going international!

December 7 - Rick Casey at the Chronicle puts his tongue in his cheek and speaks of petards and hoisting. If checks aren't "money," then I'm in big trouble with the light company! Tom DeLay has just crossed into the seventh circle of hypocrisy hell.
          And in local politics, Bob Dunn reports on our Commissioner's Court once again doing all they can for their rich buddies.

December 6 - Hometown boy Paul Begala has some words on Tom DeLay and growing up 'round here.
          CNN has the poll results. Good heavens! A generic Democrat stomps Tom so bad that Tom has to unzip his pants to see out! I might run because I'm as generic as they come. In fact, and this is a little known truth, I am the Princess of generic hairdos --- I only do one style: big.
          And didn't you love watching DeLay's office trying to spin the judge's ruling as a "win." He's facing prison - prison, I tell you! - for money laundering and they feel real good about that? As we've all learned from Astroworld, when you spin that wildly, you're liable to upchuck. He got to pick his own judge and he's still facing prison. I say let him pick his own jury, too, because apparently he's not real good at this picking stuff.

December 5 - The order. That's it to read for yourself. Bob Dunn is doing some extra-fine coverage of this. I'm out of pocket tonight, but will comment tomorrow.
          New CNN poll today, DeLay favorable polling at 36% in District 22. That's 2 points over favorable numbers for Satan's sister.

December 5 - Okay, remember when Tom DeLay held Congress hostage, took the CSPAN cameras off the Republican side of the House floor, and threatened people and their children (literally) over the Medicare drug plan? Remember that he took all this trouble to benefit insurance and drug companies instead of Grandma?
          My deep sympathies to those of you who have been sitting down with Grandpa and piles of information about formularies, tiers, limited qualities, and participating pharmacies. And for those of you who are trying to second guess what drugs Granny will need next year or those who wonder why Tom DeLay decided not to negotiate with drug companies like the VA does, there's help and answers on the way. Click right here for a chance to get even!
          Go ask him why he think this colossal waste of taxpayer money and complete disrespect for Granny is worth threatening people over. Most important, ask him the same question my Granny asked, "This is total malarkey! Why can't we just can't have the same drug plan Tom DeLay has?"
          And, be sure to print this out and add it to the Tomigami box. We'll have charming New Year's plans for it!

December 3 - Listen up, Girlfriends, Republican women need your help. We need to form a 12 Step program for them or something. They have become tragic victims of bimboism. It's official. Mark your calendar on this day, and see if we can't get us a Republican Woman Telethon or something.
          A friend sent me this article in the Pearland newspaper. Okay, I'll agree that it's Pearland and give a little leeway. After all, Pearland is just Pasadena with one less adult book store. I mean, there's women in Pearland with hair bigger than some zip codes and they've been known to put straps on roadkill and carry it for a purse.
         But, goodness sake, it's bad enough that they stood and clapped when Tom DeLay said he believes in smaller government. I guess checking the national debt is way beyond the Pearland social scene ability. I mean, the man stands there and lies to you and you respond, "Oh, yes, baby baby, say sweet things in my ear that my lying eyes are fibbing to me about." I can almost forgive that because there's toxic chemicals in Pearland that might be messin' with their thinking processes. I said almost.
          And I might even see how the fumes from the combination of Aqua Net and Hamburger Helper might cause them to just stand there when Chickenhawk DeLay talks about military action. And maybe their pantyhose were too tight to realize the absurdity of nationalizing a police force.
          But, I'm sorry, I have to draw the line somewhere. When they sang "You're So Darn Sexy" to Tom DeLay, they stepped over the line of respectable Texas womanhood. I am mortified. If women in foreign states hear about this, it's over for Texas womanhood.
          We have to do something.

December 2 - Oh my, I thought it was just a little perverted Juanita-thang but it looks like everybody and their Aunt Lucille wants to be on Bill O'Reilly's enemies list. A friend sent me this Arianna helpful tool.
          Okay, so now the rightwing has a dope addict and a certifiable narcissistic lunatic as their teevee spokesmen. No wonder the local GOP had to get toe-sucking Dick Morris to speak at their upcoming dinner. That floozy-lady monger looks sane up next to these guys.
          And there's more investigation of cronyism and kickbacks involving our Congressvarmint. I'm not saying he's a greedy, nasty, underhanded, cynical, mean son of a motherless goat, but, ---- oh heck, that's exactly what I'm saying.
          And check the Email From Hell because the re-districting of Texas personally engineered by DeLay was a boondoggle to begin with. And a follow-up from the Washington Post.

December 1 - Remember how Tom DeLay took the CSPAN cameras off the GOP side of Congress, stalled a vote for hours upon end, threatened people and their children --- all to help drug and insurance companies rip off your Momma's prescription drug plan? Well, Signe Wilkerson almost got it right. I say call Tom DeLay.

         Lurleen says that the new prescription drug plan was just one more mean and hateful thing Tom DeLay could do to his own mother. But it's also mean to you because it's your tax dollars helping to finance this.
          I'm gonna be fussing about this more as the deadline nears.

November 30 - The Hill has a new take on DeLay's troubles.
        In this morning’s Dallas Morning News, we find this ---

DeLay campaign manager Chris Homan chided Mr. Lampson, who lost his bid for a fifth term last year after redistricting engineered by Mr. DeLay, for embarking on a "liberal elite tour."

          Well Honey, if that ain’t a frog calling a grasshopper jumpy, I don’t know what is. The day following a K-Street Lalapobuyza for Tom DeLay, Mr. Homan – who may well be Mike Scanlon in training --- wants to sneer about Lampson raising money across the country. And what do you call it when Dick “19% Approval Rating” Cheney comes to Houston to raise money from oil fat cats at $5,000 a pop? Power to the people?
          Elite? A Republican used the word elite? Mr. Homan needs a lightening rod on his head.
          Heard a good one from a friend at lunch today --- It’s true that Tom had plastic surgery. It was to have his nose shortened. Again. He has a standing appointment.

November 30 - Oh lookie, Bill O’Reilly has an enemies list! Okay, I’ll pay somebody $100 of perfectly good cash money to get my name on that list. I mean it. That would be the coolest thing ever. I’ll even give you the $100 in unmarked bills in a plain brown wrapper, Republican Congressman style, to get my name on that list. It would give meaning to my life.
          However, if it involves a falafel or touching Bill O'Reilly in any way, shape or form, count me out.

November 29 - Some interesting quotes about what our Congressvarmint has been doing while we do without services down here in the homeland.

Tom DeLay saw a seat in Congress as a way to live large at someone else’s expense. From the time he arrived in Washington after the 1984 elections, DeLay started working the system to line his own pockets.

          By the way, Tom had himself a fundraiser last night and a hundred whole people attended. Hey, even Fox News couldn't dress-up that frog. What makes this even more interesting is that it was in the section of the district where he got the most votes in the last election - 59%.
          A friend of mine speculated last weekend that real justice would be done if the judge throws out the Travis County case, Tom returns as Majority Leader, and then the Abramoff case explodes about October. Republicans would melt faster than ice cream on cobbler.

November 27 - Good heavens, I leave for a long weekend and the drip, drip, drip becomes a splat, splat, SPLAT. Looks like Tom is gonna need all that money Dick Cheney is gonna raise for him next week, plus his wife's salary, just to hire lawyers and buy reporters. I'm giving two to one odds that he gets borned again again again. Soon. Or, that goofy grin cracks his entire face to reveal that --- yes, he's Darth DeLay, Evil Master of Malicious Medicare Drug Plans!
          And some Republicans are all up in arms over local GOP chair Eric Thode moving out of the county but refusing to give up his chairmanship. Democrats, meanwhile, think they might can challenge all Republican candidates after the filing deadline of January 2nd by contending that Thode had no right to accept primary ballot applications. At the very least, it'll cost the local GOP a bunch a money to defend themselves --- something Thode was fond of doing to Democrats, and ... come to think of it ... even Republicans he didn't like. (Ahhh, I do believe that Willie Nelson wrote a song about sweet justice, and Lurleen is singing it in the background right now as I type this.) And don't believe Thode's claim that it's only the loony fringe who want him to step down. Some folks think he should do it because it's the right thing to do.
          And then there's the party's email list, which Thode contends is his. Okay, it seems to me, and even some GOP precinct chairs, that if the list was ever kept on a $2,165 computer bought by the party, it's the party's list.
          More to come on the Thode episode ....

November 23 - Thelma says that when she heard yesterday that President Bush pardoned two turkeys, she thought Libby and DeLay were off the hook.
          We're outta here to be thankful somewhere else for a few days. Hope your Thanksgiving is loud, happy, and filled with Uncle Hank's cranberry and chili salad.
          While we're gone, please enjoy this little cautionary tale from Capitol Hill Blue. Most of Tom DeLay's friends saw it coming.

November 22 - Do not get too hung-up on the DeLay hearing today. This is small potatoes.   DeLay's real troubles are yet to come. DeLay could get off on a technicality today -- you know, one of those things he detests in other cases.
          DeLay has lousy taste in friends, and one in particular is telling everything he's ever known. Here's Mike Scanlon's plea agreement. That's where DeLay's trouble will start and end.
          I know he's got Dick Cheney coming down here to torture --- oops, I'm sorry, I meant fundraise for him. Cheney and DeLay - there's two men I wouldn't want to be standing next to when Sweet Jesus returns! I think it's interesting to note that the fundraising event is not in Tom's district.
          And then to top off Republican rules-are-for-everyone-else ideas, local GOP party chair, Eric Thode, claims it is fine and dandy for him to move to Houston but keep his voter registration at his Momma's house here in the county. I agree. The law allows that. However, it's oh so typically Republican for him to claim a homestead exemption in Houston on his taxes, but claim to really live somewhere else to vote. Hey, he'll stand on principle as long as it doesn't cost him a dime. The truth is this: if someone else did this, Eric Thode would be the first person down their throat.
          And what's this about the party's email list? More to come .....

November 21 - On a red-headed tear mad. Instead of doing the right thing just because it's the right thing to do, your County Commissioners are spending 1.7 boatloads of your tax dollars to defend their right to confuse voters.
          The foolish five on commissioners court took federal dollars -- and bragged about it! -- for a piece of dump voting system and now want to whine and cry when the feds say the voters have to be able to actually use the system to .... I dunno, vote, maybe?
          Why the double darned tarnation fool idiocy do we even have a county attorney? Alleged County Attorney Bud Childers couldn't find his rump with both hands, a road map, and a compass, while sitting down on a hot stove. Why do we have to go hire "outside" attorneys to do the county attorney's job, especially since he has a herd of writ twits on the payroll? Does Bud Childers need some campaign donations? Is this the Republican full employment act or something?
          And on top of all that, I'm coming after that lying poopie-del-pollo of a man Commissioner Tom Stavinoha with intent to bar-be-que. Hell, he can't half speak English himself. How dare he question other people's language skills! This is the same man who told me he liked these voting machines because it has little spinning wheels on it. Goodness, you could hang something shiny in front of him and entertain him for hours.
          So they're gonna spend your hard-earned money to hire their cronies to fight the Department of Justice over sending some folks out into community to explain how to use the new voting machines. Lawyers = $300 an hour. Explainers = $10 an hour. You do the math. This is Republican fiscal responsibility.

November 19 - As my friend Deb says, "The drip has become a trickle."
          One other thing: I watched CSPAN teevee last night and saw Republican Jean Schmidt call Democratic combat veteran John P. Murtha a coward. Somebody needs to take that woman, stuff her into a bad Versace gown and drop her skinny butt into downtown Baghdad at midnight with no body armor and substandard chem gear. Then we'll see who the real coward is.

November 18 - Well, well, well. The Republican Party of Texas has been put on desk drawer probation.

Escamilla's investigation, which is similar to one pursued by Travis County District Attorney Ronnie Earle against U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay and the Texas Association of Business, will be put on hold through March 31, 2007. In return, the Republican Party of Texas agreed to stop using corporate money to pay for political consulting, voter registration, get-out-the-vote efforts or advertising that mentions candidates.

         When a prosecutor in Texas has reason to indict a crime but thinks maybe the public good would be best served by holding off on indicting and giving the bad guy some time to prove they are truly sorry and won't ever do it again, it's called desk drawer probation. The prosecutor puts the investigation in a desk drawer and holds it for a specific time period to see if the bad guy really cleans up their act. If the bad guy acts bad again, out comes the paperwork. If not, it's forgotten.
          Desk drawer probation is usually used for teenagers who did something kinda bad but you don't want them to have a record for life if it's just a one time thing. But I guess it could be used for political parties if they're acting like teenagers. I dunno. It could be that the Travis County Attorney saw the DeLay attack machine in action and didn't feel up to the name-calling. Could be that somebody at the Republican Party of Texas might be helping in some other investigations.
          You know, I love it when Republicans defend their actions by saying, "It's not illegal." Well Honey, neither is chasing a playful intern around the Oval Office but you guys went berfreekinserk over that. If just "being legal" is your standard of morality and ethics, then don't try to hold hands with Sweet Jesus in public. It's unseemly.

November 17 - Oh my, this would be even better than a soap opera! Court TeeVee wants to broadcast the Tom DeLay trial. Okay, everybody who thinks I should get a job with Court TV as an interpreter for Tom DeLay raise your hand.   Put down your hand, Tom, you're on your own, Bub.
          Thelma's boyfriend, Billy Bob Frontage, says he's gonna sit on the couch and yell coaching tips to DeLay's legal team, especially that Marsha Clark gal. Billy Bob ain't real bright.
          Thanks to Pink Dome for the pdf file.

November 16 - Anonymous local Republicans are courageously taking their first amendment rights to the streets! They're back. They're pissed. They're hiding under the bed sheets.
          The site is owned by the "Fort Bend Republican Assn" - a group with no filings at the FEC, TEC, or local filing authority. They raise their creepy little keyboards every two years to hide firmly behind Republican "personal responsibility." Cute, huh?
          And, it's another drippy day for Tom DeLay. Drip. Drip. Drip. (On this last one, DeLay wants to install his personal lawyer, Don McGahn, on the FEC!)

November 14 - Bob Dunn has some breaking news at over Fort Bend Now.
          In the ultimate irony, GOP party chair Eric Thode recently said that he thought it was ridiculous to move into a district to run for an office, but it appears that it's okay to move out of one. He's worked himself into a snit over this move, hasn't he?
          And ---- Oh be still my heart. Oh please. I might need some rope to tie myself down for this one. It just might be - pant, pant -- that Republican State Rep Charlie Howard will have two Republican far right opponents. I give them until the end of January before they start hitting each other with Bibles. This is a dream come true for Sugar Land politics watchers! Heck, me and the girls may buy some lawn chairs, a Margarita machine, and some flip-flops and come park in Town Center to get a front row seat for this show!

November 14 - Here's a little dohicky I'm working on. It's kinda a score card for the upcoming election. I linked to it over there on the left near the top.

November 13 - I have decided that I know what causes Tom to be a Lobbyist Slut. Nobody in his own district will give him any money. No, I'm not kidding. Go check it out. All his rich Sugar Land Christian Coalition friends don't give him a dime. The next time you see one of them write a letter to the editor defending him, check his campaign contribution forms to see if they are willing to put their money where their mouth us. I've done it. They ain't parting with no dollars, Dude..
          Also on the amusing Republican hypocrisy front, Tom DeLay's good friend Bill Ceverha declared bankruptcy the day before the new law went into effect. The guy is making $250,000 a year but can't make ends meet. Hey, it's expensive to live in Austin.
          And as the DeLay-Abramoff connection widens to include even Senator John Cornyn and the minister of DeLay's church, grubby little Christian Coalition fingers are reaching to the bottom of the cookie jar.

November 11 - The funniest man in Texas calls DeLay "a shiny little so-and-so." It is the best thing Kelso's written all year! Don't miss it.

November 11 - My deepest thanks to all veterans, especially the Zoomie who calls me Momma.
          Ollie North will be speaking at Sugar Creek Baptist Church today under the guise of honoring Veterans. I guess they missed the memo that cutting veteran's benefits one day and then holding a rally for them the next is getting old.
          And on the DeLay front, the Washington Post is putting it all together.

November 10 - Ben Sargent with another DeLay DeLight.

          Okay, Folks, time to put a recorder on your phone. See if you get a "poll" phone call asking if you believe that the Tom DeLay indictment is a sham. Ask who is conducting this poll before you answer. We've heard about these calls in Fort Bend County only. We just need a tape of it and proof of who is making the calls. Might be a little jury tampering going on here.
          And another link too funny not to share --- Tom DeLay: Tax Cuts, Faith to Prevent Apophis Asteroid Collision.

November 9 - Harvey Kronberg (pay to play) is reporting what we all figured. Local attorney Ron Booker is running against State Rep Charlie Howard in the Republican primary. The fact that Booker bought the entire back page of the local Republican newsletter was a dead give-away that Howard wouldn't go quietly, even though he promised to term limit himself when he was first elected.
          Booker has hired Karen Pearson as his consultant, which means the race will be down and dirty. It'll be the Baptist against the Church of Christ this time to see who is most holy.
          Booker has not reported anything with the Texas Ethics Commission yet - reports aren't due until mid January - but he has set-up a PAC called Texans for Ron Booker.
          Charlie Howard didn't return Kronberg's calls but that's not news because Howard doesn't return anyone's calls. The second greediest man in Fort Bend might have to spend some money this race! By the way, Howard likes to say that Tom DeLay is his best friend. I guess that's one more thing he shares with Jack Abramoff.

November 9 - At the request of my friend Steve, I have fixed things so that it’s possible to link directly to something specific I’ve written on any given day. (Hey, Bubby, some days are better than others for all of us!)
          Simply click on the date of the item you want to link to will move to the top of the page. The URL will reflect that item number. Link to that item.
          Ta Da! Old dogs can learn new tricks.

November 8 - Let me tell you the real reason why I would love to see Tom DeLay’s trial moved to Fort Bend County: I think it would get better coverage here.
          If the trial is moved here, the verdict doesn’t matter. The good people of Richmond / Rosenberg will hear first-hand what shenanigans their Congressman has been up to -- other than representing them. They will get to hear all his wheelin-dealin’s that resulted in them getting diddle squat. They will hear about his fancy lunches while they face another morning of an hour’s worth of unmoving traffic just to get to the tollway. Once they hear it for themselves, he’s gone.
          If the trial is moved here, the good people of Tom’s district will decide that they need a Congressman who works for them, not his own ego. If Tom wants to be chairman of the Republican National Committee, that’s fine. Meanwhile, we need a real Congressman. Bring it on, Tom. Bring it to us. No matter what the jury finds, Tom's constituents will find him guilty of neglect.
          However, I still promise you that in the end Tom will be hurt by his close, personal friend Jack Abramoff. Those two are tighter than skin on a sausage.

November 7 - I finally got an exact copy of the Michael Scanlon memo. Scanlon, as you recall, was Tom DeLay's aide and spokesman. Here's what he thought of you Super DeLux Christians who just love Tom ---

          I will say this in Scanlon's defense. He's right about where the wackos get their information. That's why they are wackos.
          It's on page 119 of the Senate-published PDF file. Look it up yourself.
          One other thing --- can you even imagine what the Scanlon Wackos would have said if James Carville had written a book like Scooter Libby did? This book is exactly why I never allow Republican men around my children, dog, bear, or assorted vegetables.

November 7 - I voted on the amendments. As you know, the outrageously soaring cost of pencils and paper has resulted in us having to use computers to vote. Well, actually, it’s more like a Coke machine than a computer.
          Fort Bend County got these Vote-A-Matics on a 2-3 vote by Commissioners Court, with the deciding vote being cast by Commissioner Tom Stavinoah, who said out loud that he voted for these machine because as a former high school shop teacher he likes dials on his tools. No, I’m not kidding. He said that. I couldn’t make that up. Nobody would believe me if I made that up. Lord Have Mercy, I live in Goofyville.
          I have seen how people mess-up paper ballots so I cannot even imagine how screwed-up this is going to get. They give you a pin number to vote. A pin number. Thankfully, they write it down because I can’t remember any more pin numbers, and even if I could, I think keeping track of my voter registration card is enough to ask of me.

          Okay, so what I am supposed to do with this little piece of paper now? I mean, is it good for 20% off at Waddling Jose’s Pizza? Can I wave it in some Republican’s face and say, “Nannie, nannie boo-boo, I canceled your vote and I don’t even drive an SUV?” Will it get me in the backdoor of Foley’s on Red Apple Day? I doubt it.
          As you can probably tell by now, I am not a supporter of the new Vote-A-Tronics. There is no verifiable paper trail. It uses flash memory. Anyone who has ever lost a picture off a digital camera is not going to be happy about that. I’m holding up my hand here to show that I am one of those people. You can hold yours up too, and maybe somebody can take count.
          I have decided that if my County Commissioners don’t take my vote seriously, I’m not going to take their little machines seriously. If I can’t afford to buy a Commissioner like everyone else does, at least I can laugh at them.
          Here's the Top Ten Things to Holler in the Voting Booth while voting -----

10. This is highly irregular, Dave.

9. Man, I wish we had one of those doomsday doohickeys on this machine.

8. Help! It has my finger and won’t let go!

7. I put in my pin number but it’ll only give me $20.00

6. Open the pod bay doors, Hal. Hal, open the pod bay doors.

5. Three cherries!!! Jackpot!

4. Can I buy a vowel before I spin this thing?

3. Big money. Big money. No whammy, Stop!

2. Captain, I’m giving it all I’ve got. I need more power.

1. Whaddya mean it only speaks English, Spanish, and Vietnamese? Don’t it speak Czech? Well, damn.

November 4 - So if you go, please send me pictures.

November 4 - My new best friend Dan just sent me this. $14,000 for an overnight trip from Sugar Land to DeeCee? What did he go on -- an F16? $14,000? You can go to Europe for a month for $14,000. I've got just one question --- how many hookers were on that airplane?

November 4 - So Tom DeLay’s lawyer wants to move the trial to Fort Bend County. Oh, be still my pitter-patter heart.
          Okay, so listen up. Don’t be tellin’ DeLay’s lawyer this stuff, but moving the trial to DeLay’s home county is the best thing that could happen. DeLay’s home county is where he only got 53% of the vote AFTER he de-districted all the county’s Democratic areas out of his district. Honey, you take a vote here with the entire county and Tom would fare about as well as a 90 pound lineman.
          So, if ya see DeLay's lawyer, get on your knees and beg, “Oh no, Brer Fox, not the briar patch. Anything but the briar patch!”
          In the midst of all the judge wrangling yesterday, one of my friends suggested, "Well heck, it looks like we're gonna have to try Tom DeLay at The Hague." Great line. Wish I'd have thought of it.
          Today's drip, drip, drip

November 3 - It speaks for itself. (Sorry, ya gotta pay to play or watch an ad.)

"The wackos get their information through the Christian right, Christian radio, mail, the internet and telephone trees," Scanlon wrote in the memo, which was read into the public record at a hearing of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee. "Simply put, we want to bring out the wackos to vote against something and make sure the rest of the public lets the whole thing slip past them."

          ----- Michael Scanlon, former DeLay spokesman

November 3 - In case you haven't heard, Travis County DA Ronnie Earle asked the judge who recused the first judge off the DeLay case because of political contributions to recuse himself because of .... political contributions.
          I'm getting a headache.
          From the Austin American Statesman --

Judge B.B. Schraub, the presiding judge for the 3rd Administrative Judicial Region, should step aside for the same reasons that state District Judge Bob Perkins, a Democrat, was removed from hearing DeLay's case: Both had given political donations

          Just a few minutes ago, I got a call from a trusted source in Austin saying that Judge Schraub agreed and referred the matter to the Texas Supremes.
          It appears that the judge in DeLay's case will be appointed by Texas Supreme Court Chief Justice Wallace Jefferson, who even has a handy contribution form for Tom and Jack Abramoff on his website. He, of course, is a Republican. He, of course, was first appointed Chief Justice by Governor Rick Perry.
          I think we're back at square one here.
          I've got a couple of lawyers telling me that they don't see where the Texas Supremes have any jurisdiction here. They don't hear criminal matters. If anything, it should go to the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.
          The Austin American Statesman has updated.
          Okay, here's the deal. Jefferson is the most tainted of all. He got TRMPAC's endorsement and Wallace Jefferson's 2002 campaign treasurer was TRMPAC's treasurer Bill Ceverha. Nevertheless, Jefferson -- with only a couple hour's thought, mind you -- appointed Bexar County's District Judge Pat Priest.
          So now, Ronnie Earle has filed a motion to recuse Jefferson.

More to come     .....

November 3 - As my friend Deb says .... drip, drip, drip.   Every day, something new about DeLay's dark heart.

November 3 - Just a few more days to play Old Orchard before the rotten sons of motherless goats plow it under. Yes, I know I'm not being very gracious about this.

November 2 - The Super DeLux Brand Christians are hoping that we'll worry more about gay marriage than their own dirty dealings. Looks like Ralph is gonna want another "judge," too.

November 2 - Okay, so DeLay gets a new judge. Ya gotta love Poor Ole Tom - first he claims the indictment is political, then he claims the judge is political, then he claims Austin is political. Goodness sake, he needs a job in another industry, doesn't he?
           I guess I'm just wondering --- what's Tom gonna do when he gets to the Big Judgment Day in the Sky and discovers that Sweet Jesus isn't real happy about child labor in the Mariana Islands or ripping-off American Indians so you can go see The Three Tenors? Ask for a more hateful Jesus to judge him? Look, I'm just saying that Tom has got far more problems being judged than an Austin District Court.
          And his Republican friends are discovering that DeLay's ego is bigger than my make-up case. I guess they're pulling the knives out of their own backs and returning the favor.

November 1 - Forget the polls, this is the best sign yet that Tom DeLay is in a heap o' trouble in his own district. He raised $318.000 for his legal defense fund and only $5,000 of it came from his own district. And that was from one guy - named Ernest Hotze - so it hardly counts.
          Plus, he's got waaaaaay too many lawyers to be innocent. A lawyer I know often says, "Anybody with a bar card can get off an innocent guy; it takes a great lawyer to get off a guilty one."