The absolutely worst argument for putting the Ten Commandments at any government building is that theyíve been on a monument at the Texas capitol for forty-four years - because it hasnít done diddle squat to make the government any better. In fact, we were much better off before 1961. The monument has made things worse. I think any real Texan would agree that Sam Houston on his drunkest day was more righteous and lawful than Tom Craddick or Rick Perry.
Think about it. Since 1961 weíve lost every war that we entered, the oil boom busted, cancer has gotten worse, and the Beatles broke up. Personally, I donít think the monument has a very good record.
And, Darliní, the evidence is even worse in its immediate vicinity. Half the members of the Legislature are crazed with ego and the other two-thirds carry a lightening rod just in case God spots them. There are third world dictators less corrupt than the majority of people on the grounds of the Texas Capitol. Just as weíre sitting here talking, there are lawsuits from here to El Paso over the ethics of men who walked by that monument every day.
If that monument could talk, itíd probably curl your hair. Michael Scanlon and Jack Abramoff probably leaned their elbows on that monument while they made plans to rip-off poor Indian tribes for $66 million dollars. Governor Preston Smith probably buried all his profits from the Sharpstown banking scandal under that monument. Squat. Iím telling you - diddle squat that monument has helped.
Two speakers of the Texas House have resigned in disgrace since 1961. No telling what State Representative Drew Nixon did with his hookers and guns at the foot of that monument.
I canít even imagine the horrible stuff that has gone on in the shadow of that monument and Iíve got a super-charged imagining tool. I think that monument would better serve as a warning to other government buildings instead of an inspiration.
Think about this. Tom DeLay walked past that monument every day on his way to Macho Manor to do things I donít even want to know about in his frothy hot tub. Those commandments didnít do jack. To this day, poor Tom has broken every one of them Ė including the honor thy momma part Ė except that he hasnít killed anybody that we know of. And, Honey, that was after he got baptized a few times. I mean, one out of ten ainít a record that God might be willing to dicker over.
The Ten Commandments on a slab next to the Texas Capitol were a ďgiftĒ from the Fraternal Order of the Eagles. I dunno know if we need to be worried about any hocus-pocus stuff that they might have buried with the monument thatís causing all the bad karma. But, they are a secret organization of a bunch of old white guys.
As a special philosophical gift to folks in foreign states Ė you can put the Ten Commandments on your state capitol grounds. But, donít expect no miracles. In fact, things may get worse. Just be prepared for a Governor with a double-digit IQ and an Attorney General who wouldnít know the law if we gave it teeth and let it bite his butt.
Whoa. Wait. Hold On. Is there one of those Commandment slabs in Dee Cee? Iím just saying. If not, thatís kind of a remarkable coincidence.