June 30 - Okay, I'll be outta here for a few days. Keeps those
Photoshopped doors coming in! I'll post them when I get back.
June 29
- I got an email just a few minutes ago from Ken, a regular customer
here at the shop.
Susan -
Here's a picture taken with my cell phone today showing the sign outside your
Representative's office in the Cannon House Office Building.
Ken
Pitiful, isn't it? We need to Photoshop that sucker with improvements
before people start walking by and spitting on it just out of habit.
I'll even offer a prize
for the best Photoshop of the door picture. The winner will get a free
hamburger and beer at the
Oh-No-Not-DeLay party at Beck's Prime on the evening of the Chamber of
Commerce's Tribute to Tom DeLay. (Look, I wanted to name the event
"Tribute, My Ass!" but cooler heads prevailed.)
June 29
- I told you he was ccrazy. He’s crazzzzzzy.
First, Tom DeLay declared
himself a
constitutional martyr yesterday He's nuttier than squirrel poop.
Without even considering
what he has done to the schoolchildren and property taxpayers of this state who
got ignored while he built his kingdom,
he refuses
to see the error of his way.
The
cost of midterm redistricting goes beyond mere dollars. The struggle postponed
for years the day when property owners will get relief from onerous school
taxes. Rather than craft a fair, adequate method of school finance,
legislators chose to tussle over redistricting.
Given half a
chance, legislators might spend all their time maneuvering for partisan
advantage, doing little to advance the public interest. In upholding anytime
redistricting, the Supreme Court has given the legislators of every state that
chance.
And now it’s become Wild Kingdom. Tom’s going
around the country like a circus monkey, appearing on Chris Matthews in stoopid
human tricks. You have to watch this to believe it.
Video He's certifiable.
This, my friends, is the face
and the brains of the Fort Bend Republican party. They are even giving Tom a
Tribute on July 7th. Costs $550 for a table. And they’ll pay it
because they love the circus. They love the partisanship. They love
winning at all cost.
And they'll send thugs to hit you if you even think about
crossing them.
A handful of local
Republicans, just a handful, will deny him and say they don’t like him, but
they’ll go vote straight ticket for Republican idiots like Brady Elliott,
Charlie Howard, Bud Childers, and Andy Meyers who are just Tom DeLay without a
national audience.
By the way,
Roll Call
(subscription only) shows us that once he got away from home, Tom's Super DeLux
Brand Christianity stayed behind. He's just another dirty old man, even
when his daughter is in the room.
The town’s newest comic and auctioneer, former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas), had
folks rolling out of their chairs Tuesday night with a double-entendre-laden
montage of ... beaver jokes.
DeLay, who apparently has some experience
in this arena — auctioneering, that is — was a celebrity auctioneer at the
annual dinner of the Safari Club International Washington Metro Chapter. Among
the items he auctioned off was a sheared beaver fur vest, which went for
$1,400 — higher than the club expected, thanks to DeLay’s uncanny talent in
stirring interest in the back-slapping, guns-and-whiskey crowd.
“Who wants a beaver?” asked DeLay, whom attendees said looked happier and more
relaxed than ever. Hoots and hollers followed.
The Hammer continued with lines such as, “Everybody likes beaver, even women”
and, as a couple of people in the crowd recall, “The best thing about it, it’s
a shaved beaver!”
Wait until Tom's Den Mother, Terese Raia, hears about this! She's gonna
have to get her one of those.
(By the way, two of
DeLay's friends claimed he said sheared beaver, but even DeLay's daughter stuck
with shaved.)
June 28
- Okay, so you need to see
Accounting, Fort Bend Style.
Commissioners voted to direct Sturdivant to remove the 143
listed assets – including everything from Cisco routers to Dell desktop
computers to 17 Taser stun guns – from county departments’ inventories. Those
items could not be located during an annual inventory undertaken by the
auditor’s office.
The commissioners passed a similar motion removing a much
larger number of assets – 531 items, including six Ford Crown Victoria cars,
dozens of computer systems and 53 Motorola MTS2000 hand-held radios – that
were listed on county department inventories prior to 2005. Those items also
have not been located – despite a two-year effort by Sturdivant’s office.
Okay, so stuff is missing and we blame it on paperwork? At some point,
this stuff was bought and paid for. Ya think maybe - in the least -
somebody needs to accept responsibility for bad paperwork?
Oh heck, it's just money.
County Commissioners know where to get more money.
June 28
- So, it just hit the streets but it looks like The Supremes just ruled that
states can re-district at whim and that CD23 (Bonilla's district) is
unconstitutional.
Here's a PDF of the ruling. I'm
sure that writ twits will pour over it all day. And probably throw papers
at each other like spears.
You know, I'm real glad
that Betty Lynn's College of Cosmetology and Heavy Thinking required us to read
our Shakespeare. If Miss Betty hadn't made us read our Shakespeare, I
couldn't fully appreciate the tragedy of Tom DeLay. Everything Tom
worked for and lied, cheated and stole for will now bite him in the hiney when
Democratic states begin re-drawing their Congressional districts tomorrow.
And what did Tom get, other than a couple of years on the Rich and Leisure Golf
Circuit, for all his hubris and pride? In the words of Hamlet, "Diddle
squat."
June 27
- Hey, Tom, better hope this isn't who the Chamber of Commerce has speaking
at
your Tribute luncheon!
The New York Times has a story today about how upwards of $2 billion dollars
appropriated for Katrina relief was lost to waste, fraud and abuse. One of the
most egregious frauds was committed by
Daniel Yeh of Sugarland, Texas, who has been indicted on 22 counts of wire
fraud for defrauding FEMA out of hundreds of thousands of dollars by claiming
his hotel housed Katrina evacuees when the rooms were actually empty.
Guess which former member
of Congress he contributed to:
Contributor Occupation
Date Amount Recipient
YEH, DANIEL
SUGAR LAND,TX 77479 FLAGSHIP HOTEL/PRESIDENT 7/25/2001
$2,000 DeLay, Tom
YEH, DANIEL
SUGAR LAND,TX 77479 FLAGSHIP HOTEL/PRESIDENT 8/26/2002
$1,000 DeLay, Tom
YEH, DANIEL
SUGAR LAND,TX 77479 FLAGSHIP HOTEL/PRESIDENT 8/8/2001
($1,000) DeLay, Tom
Top of Form 1
And then there's this little tidbit from Yeh's lawyer:
In
turn, some hotel managers or owners, like Daniel Yeh, of Sugar Land, exploited
the lack of oversight, investigators have charged, and submitted bills for
empty rooms or those occupied by paying guests or employees. Mr. Yeh submitted
$232,000 in false claims, his arrest affidavit said. His lawyer, Robert
Bennett, said that Mr. Yeh was mentally incompetent and that the charges
should be dismissed.
No, wait. Don't laugh. This is a plan. Are they going to use
the DeLay donation as prima facie evidence of Yeh's mental incompetence?
That might work, you know.
Hey, at least maybe
Daniel won't be lonely in prison, huh?
June 27
- For you guys from foreign states, the Republicans in District 22 had to
wake up this morning and
be amazed at
the mess they've made of things ----
Judge says DeLay 'withdrew'
Statement may spell trouble
for GOP, but 22nd District issue still awaits ruling
AUSTIN - A federal judge hearing a ballot dispute Monday
involving former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay said he thinks that DeLay withdrew from
the November election, indicating potential trouble for Republicans who want
to name a replacement candidate.
"He is not going to participate in the election and he
withdrew," said U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks, who did not issue an official
ruling after a daylong trial regarding DeLay's status as the GOP nominee for
the 22nd Congressional District.
Judge Sparks can make one of three rulings: (1) DeLay moved to another
state, becoming ineligible to run, and the GOP can replace him on the November
ballot, (2) DeLay's move was a sham, so he must stay on the ballot, or (3)
DeLay's move was a sham and DeLay withdrew his name from the ballot so there
will be no Republican name on the November ballot.
The Republicans want (1).
The Democrats want (2). It appears that Judge Sparks may be leaning to
(3).
It is so much fun
watching the Republicans with their
surreptitious
rough-draft letters, their secret plans withheld from the public since last
January, their sneaky fundraising, and their judge shopping that wasted even
more time ---- and then see them blame the Democrats.
I'm waiting for the
Democrats to apologize for making Tom DeLay lie, cheat and steal (which is
exactly what he did during the primary election), or say they are sorry for
causing Tina Benkiser to think that laws don't apply to her.
Oh yeah, they are the
Party of personal responsibility - they think it's personal and you're
responsible.
June 26
- It's almost over. Well, the GOP's handpicked federal judge seems to
be upsetting them terribly by following the law.
Harvey Kronberg (sorry, subscription
only)
SPARKS TROUBLED BY CANDIDATE SWAPPING AFTER PRIMARY
Tells GOP to take no steps to
replace DeLay until after ruling
U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks made it clear Monday
afternoon that he considered former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay’s maneuvering
to get off the ticket a "withdrawal" by the candidate and the Sugar Land
Republican’s subsequent moves to be declared ineligible a way to game the
system.
Sparks did not issue a judgment
on whether the Republican Party of Texas could declare DeLay
ineligible for the November ballot, but he concluded the daylong hearing with
several pointed questions for counsel representing party chairwoman Tina
Benkiser. The Texas Democratic Party has asked to prevent
Republicans from naming a replacement for DeLay on the ballot.
The judge said the evidence showed that DeLay simply
decided that he would not complete the race. Lawyers working for DeLay
then took time to figure out the best way "to manipulate the Republican
Party, which he had a right to do," Sparks said.
However, Sparks seemed troubled by the precedent set
by the action, saying he was worried it could lead to widespread candidate
swapping. "If (DeLay) is allowed to do this … it can happen in every
race in the state for any office.
No steps means NO STEPS. Although lawyers for the State GOP said they
would go ahead with the process because, of course, the law doesn't apply to
them.
The GOP lawyers tried to
spin it that the Democrats were afraid to run against anyone. No, Mr.
Backasswards Republican Lawyer, it's the GOP and Tom DeLay who were the chickens
and ran for cover in Virginia. The Democrats are fully prepared to run
against the Republican selected by the vast majority of voters in CD22 - and the
Republicans made it very clear that they want Tom DeLay.
June 26
-
Breaking News. Run like a rabbit? Ole Judge Sparks may be
signaling something, huh? Maybe he should have slither like a snake!
Judge Sam Sparks questioned both DeLay and
Benkiser about letters that DeLay sent to the chairwoman about his plans. He
quizzed both about why a draft of the letter was sent before a final version
was delivered days later.
Neither could answer why.
DeLay testified that he understood before he made
his decision the consequences of withdrawing from the race as opposed to being
declared ineligible.
Once DeLay finished testifying, Sparks explained
he could either leave or stay for the rest of the proceedings.
"My recommendation is to run like a rabbit,"
Sparks quipped.
June 26
- Roll
Call (by subscription only) has story today explaining how Tom DeLay's
charity took gaming money through the backdoor.
In addition to its 357-page report reviewing the panel’s
two-year probe into Abramoff’s affairs, the committee also released 112 pages
of new documents last week that it forwarded to the Senate Finance Committee.
Because such activities lay outside Indian Affairs’ jurisdiction, the panel
asked Finance to explore the Abramoff nonprofits as “instruments to channel
money from one entity to another in an effort to obscure the source of funds,
the eventual use of funds, and to evade tax liability.”
One new example of how this was accomplished came in e-mails from August 1999
that demonstrate how Abramoff and Buckham were aggressively searching for
large donors to five nonprofits they were connected to, labeling one of them
“DeLay’s favorite,” referring to then-House Majority Whip DeLay. At that
point, they had hoped to land contributions from the foundations linked to the
Scaife family, which has given tens of millions of dollars to conservative
causes over the past two decades.
Another new example unearthed by committee investigators was Abramoff’s
October 2002 effort to get his tribal casino clients to donate to a DeLay
foundation dedicated to helping foster children. Abramoff told a lobbying
associate that the tribes needed to do “every event they can do for DeLay,”
according to e-mails released last week by the committee.
No wonder they took down the website. How embarrassing for the little
kids.
So, he hid behind
little children to do his dirty work. And the Fort Bend Chamber of
Commerce is celebrating him next week. Boneheads. Nincompoops.
June 26
- For you political junkies, there will no ruling from The Supremes today on
redistricting. That leaves Thursday as the big day. We shall see if
all Tom's efforts were for naught.
Meanwhile, it appears
that
The DeLay Foundation for Kids, which
has taken down their website,
might be in for some investigation, according to the
National Journal.
What do scandal-plagued politicians
Duke Cunningham, Tom DeLay, and Alan Mollohan, along with
disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff, all have in common? If you answered
bribery, corruption, or influence-peddling probes, you'd be half right. But
the high-profile controversies surrounding the four men also have another key
common denominator: the alleged abuse of so-called "charities" for political
gain.
And, as if this wasn't a bad enough day for Tom, the
Associated Press reports ---
WASHINGTON --Former House Majority Leader
Tom DeLay reported raising $18,500 from individuals and corporations for his
legal expenses and spending $43,282.24 in legal fees from April 1 to June 9.
DeLay listed a contribution of $5,000 from a political action committee
associated with Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas. Other $5,000 donors were Larry D.
Johnson, chairman of Johnson Co. in Houston and Howard Jones of the Bronx, NY.
DeLay's biggest expenditure was $25,000 paid for legal fees to Bracewell &
Giuliani in Dallas and $10,012.15 to Richardson Consulting in Washington for
fundraising event costs
June 26
- Just in case you missed it over the weekend,
Capitol Annex has a hoot of a new
movie
preview.
June 25
- Okay, it has
come to this ..... In Texas, you can be Kinky but you can't be Grandma.
June 24
- I'm playing over at
fortbendnow.com again. Come join me.
June 23
- No, no, no, wait, wait .... you just gotta go hear the cheesiest political
radio commercial ever. No, no, really - it sounds like a Saturday night
live parody but it doesn't mean to. Pay special attention to the music.
Leave it to Tom
DeLay's Special Friend, David Wallace, to go negative right out of the box!
This guy is Mayor of Sugar Land, you know, where they
smack Democrats in the Town
Square. And he's apparently a big fan of the politics of personal
destruction.
I'm already writing a
response commercial ..... "David Wallace stood silent on issues like
healthy children, sexual exploitation of Grandmas, kitty torture. He has
consistently refused to stand up against the fluoridation of our precious bodily
fluids. David Wallace has yet to fully explain his whereabouts on November 23,
1963. Davis Wallace, silent. Until now."
And Tina Benkiser thinks
the Democrats are scared of an opponent? Well, Honey, they weren't scared
of Tom DeLay and they sure the dickens ain't scared of David "Just Like Tom"
Wallace.
When I have time next
week, I'll remind you why each and every single thing he "approved" about Nick
Lampson is a lie.
June 23
- Rats! This is going to put a real crimp in my fun between now and
November. Steve "Look At Me; I'm Nuts"
Stockman
didn't get the 500 signatures necessary to run for Tom DeLay's old seat.
Best line:
The ballot news caught Stockman, who was fishing Thursday,
by surprise.
"We're disappointed," he said. "We have to check our
options, talk to our attorneys and see what we're going to do and at what
cost."
Steve, Honey, it was only 500 signatures.
I have a whole pile of
"He's so crazy that ...." jokes on my desk and now their useless. No,
wait. I live in Fort Bend. I'll sure I'll have a use for them by
ohhhh, I dunno .... noon?
June 23
- Okay, so it's like this. Ralph Reed always looked like a creepy guy
to me. I mean, I never trusted him; he just gave me the willies. So,
it's with a little evil delight in my heart that
he's shown to be the greedy little powerholic that we've come to expect of
those who pray the loudest.
WASHINGTON, June 22 — A bipartisan Senate
report released on Thursday documented more than $5.3 million in payments to
Ralph Reed, the former director of the
Christian Coalition and a leading
Republican Party strategist, from an influence-peddling operation run by
the corrupt lobbyist
Jack Abramoff on behalf of Indian tribe casinos.
June 21
- Okay, you might want to grab ahold of something before you open this link
because the spin in David Wallace's press release may throw you off the face of
the earth. We'd hate for that to happen to you.
First, a little
background:
Sugar Land Mayor and
Congressman-Just-Like-Tom-DeLay Wannabe David Wallace saw that reckoning time
was fast approaching. Wallace had claimed previously that he had already
raised over a million dollars to run against Nick Lampson in November and that's
why the Republicans should pick HIM, David Just Like Tom, to replace Tom on the
ballot.
Hey, it's fine to eat
bullets for breakfast and shoot off your mouth the rest of the day, especially
if your goal is to be Just Like Tom, but the first thing any politician should
learn is --- don't lie about things that can be proven with public records.
We here at the beauty
shop have been counting the days until reckoning - the day when Wallace had to
report this one million dollars to the FEC and tell where he got it. We
knew he couldn't raise one million dollars, but figured he might raise maybe
half that from his rich friends. We were enjoying the thought of Wallace with
egg on his face.
Not until this morning
did we realize that it wasn't just eggs, but the whole damn frying pan.
We
got Wallace's press release.
Oh. My. Goodness. Sake.
Sugar Land, TX)
– In his first Campaign Finance Report to be filed with the Federal Elections
Commission, David Wallace, the Mayor of Sugar Land, will report raising over
$200,000 during the first 60 days of his bid to replace outgoing Congressman
Tom Delay. Mayor Wallace also announced that in the same time period, he has
an additional $800,000 in commitments and that he will continue to
aggressively raise money to prepare to defeat the $2.5 million war chest of
the Democrats.
Commitments? Commitments? Can I take commitments to the grocery
store and buy some milk and bread? No, I cannot. If Mrs. Safeway
doesn't trust commitments, neither should I. Commitments? Maybe he
meant a mental institution.
Wallace only raised
$200,000? I didn't know it was going to be that bad. Honey,
Commissioner Andy Meyers raises that much almost every reporting period without
even breaking a sweat.
I'm saying --- Sure
thing, David Just Like Tom, put me down for a hundred grand. Yeah, baby.
We'll pass the plate here at the beauty shop next month and come up with at
least that. So that makes it $900,000 in commitments. Alert the
media before you actually come try to collect.
Now grab ahold of
something else, because Wallace can't help himself. In an effort to
distract us from the fact that he's only got a measly $200,000, Wallace claims
---
In a straw poll
taken by the Republican Party of Fort Bend County, Mayor Wallace finished
first among 29 candidates with 48.3% of the vote, an impressive 26.3% higher
than his closest competitor. The straw poll was mailed to all Republican
voters in Fort Bend County.
There's not one sane person left on this planet who thinks that "poll" means
diddle squat. Notice I said "sane." It's not wise to say crazy things
and then use the word "commitment" in your press release - it just gives us
ideas. And Wallace is counting Tom Stavinoha, Joe Proto, Don Richardson,
Christine DeLay and a host of others as "candidates" because someone wrote-in
their names? (Okay, make the doo-do-doo-do Twilight Zone tune in your head
now.)
And then, just to
keep us smiling with anticipation here at the beauty shop, Wallace throws out -
“The momentum for
my campaign is building among grassroots Republicans,” Wallace said. “They
are contributing money to my campaign,....
Okay, so I can hardly wait to see the list of "grassroots" Republicans who have
donated to his campaign.
You know, when the
weather's muggy and it's too darned hot to do much of anything but drink iced
tea and sit on the veranda, it's nice to know that David Wallace holds promise
to be just as entertaining as Tom.
June 19
- Daddy Bush appointee Judge Sam Sparks refused to quash the
Temporary Restraining Order allowed in State District Court preventing
the Republican Party of Texas from naming one of the seven dwarfs to
replace DeLay on the ballot. So, the Republicans went
judge-shopping and bought diddle squat.
The hearing in Judge
Spark's court is set for June 26th. I don't work
much in June and apparently neither does Judge Sparks. At
least he doesn't seem in any rush to help the Republicans settle this
quickly.
June
18 - Okay, so how drunk was he? Bigger question:
does anyone know if he IS registered to vote in northern California?
Biggerest question: Does he even know where he is?
Click here to hear Tom Delay slur and stumble through one more
Republican Retribution phone call. Remember -- he wasn't
making this call about a Democrat, he was making it about a fellow
Republican.
June 16
- Well,
lookie, lookie, lookie who's forum shopping now. Bless their
hearts, the Republicans are trying to pull another Bush V. Gore and find
activist judges to rule in their favor.
The only federal issue in the case is the Constitutional
qualifications for serving in congress. This case is about state
election law. Period. But, noooooo, the Republicans realize that Tom
DeLay - their poster boy -- has screwed, glued, and tattooed them from
putting someone else on the ballot.
They know they can't win with state law, so they are quite
literally making a federal case out of it. Since they don't have the
law on their side, they'll shoot for an ultra-conservative "activist"
judge who'll rule that laws aren't for Republicans.
June 16
- Let me get this straight --
Fort Bend Constable Ruben Davis will let me buy my own constable
"badge" if I volunteer at his office? How much time do I have to
volunteer?
Ruben is worthless as a four card flush. Goodness sake,
Richmond isn't even in Ruben's precinct.
This is not the first of Ruben's advisors to be under criminal
charges or the first one trying to run a scam. I wonder how much it
costs in political contributions to be a Ruben Davis advisor?
June 15
- Okay, so I'm not going to work much today. However, the
customers are on a roll so go to
Email from Hell
and get a belly laugh or two.
There's another
website with some dandy DeLay information. Enjoy!
June 14
- Those gol-durn liberals up there in Virginia are trying to make
Tom look drunk and nuts again.
I dunno, it just seems to follow him wherever he goes ---
One congressional primary
candidate in Northern Virginia got some last-minute help from one of
his district's newest voters, former House majority leader Tom DeLay,
the Texas Republican who recently took up official residence in
Alexandria.
Mark Ellmore, a candidate for the GOP nomination in the 8th
Congressional District, said he had a chance meeting with DeLay on
Sunday. DeLay, under indictment on campaign money-laundering charges
in Texas, offered his support.
DeLay's staff members set up an automated call from
their boss that went to 8,000 voters in the district -- which includes
Alexandria, Arlington County and part of Fairfax County -- urging them
to the polls to support Ellmore.
Problem was, in the intro, DeLay said "Northern
California" instead of "Northern Virginia."
Ellmore, of
course, lost the Republican primary. Ellmore, of course, blamed it on
the liberals.
He said he welcomed DeLay's support -- regardless of
what the majority of left-leaning voters in the district might think
of the former Texas congressman."
Okay, so you're telling me
(1) Tom DeLay doesn't even know what the hell state in lives in now, and
(2) some fool will run an endorsement from someone who everybody else
thinks is creepy.
But the best line of all is at the end when Ellmore is asked
if maybe having DeLay endorse him might not be real smart right now.
He, Bless his heart, replies, "Look,
have zero political
clout. I was honored." Honey, you gotta have less than zero to think
Tom DeLay will raise your numbers."
June 13
- You know, I was wondering why it was that Tom DeLay could
vote in a Virginia primary while he was still representing the good
people of the Texas 22nd Congressional District.
Well, apparently I'm not the only one who was pondering that.
My friend Muse found a little story about it. Okay, so no wonder he
had to scam everybody out of campaign donations -- he's supporting about
20 lawyers now.
And even sadder, Tom's wife isn't moving with him to Virginia.
Tom says she's staying here to take care of the foster children out at
Rio Bend, which is kinda lame being as how they all have foster parents
already and Lutheran charities is overseeing the whole thing now and she
lives a fairly long drive away from where they stashed those kiddos and
they've already got volunteers helping out the kazoo. However, given a
choice between taking care of foster children or DeLay, I know I'd pick
the foster kids because they'd be a whole lot less trouble. I mean, I'd
make the same choice.
And check the Email from Hell because Ellen has a great
Grandma Carol line.
June 12
-
When enough is never enough.
Times may be tough for veterans, people on Medicare, or
anybody who buys gasoline, but Tom Craddick just went from being a pig
to a hog.
AUSTIN, Texas --Businessmen, a lobbyist and a major
corporate foundation have donated almost $700,000 in the past eight
days to pay for the renovation of Texas House Speaker Tom Craddick's
apartment inside the Capitol, according to documents obtained Friday
by The Associated Press.
Watchdog groups are aghast at the fundraising
effort, saying people and businesses that could benefit from future
legislation shouldn't be allowed to spruce up the taxpayer-provided
home of the man who controls the destiny of proposed state laws.
By the time Craddick
"pays back" all those donations, we would have gotten off cheaper by
just giving him 50 million dollars of our tax money.
I guess ole Tom is planning on staying a while, what with all
these folks "investing" in him.
June 11
- Okay, so here's why I didn't type anything about Carole Keeton
Stayhorn Rylander Cougar Mellencamp wanting to be listed on the ballot
as "Grandma" --
John Kelso beat me to it and he's funnier than I'll ever be.
Besides, it
could have been worse.
Strayhorn could have opted for Moms. Too many bikers use that as a
tattoo, so it wouldn't be dignified. Grandma is also a better pick
than Honey Chile', Tootsie, Boom Boom, Baby Cakes, Snook'ems, Tassels
or Nana
That settles it -- I
have to get me a friend named Tassels. So, if your name is Tassels,
please contact me. I want to be your friend.
June 10
-
I'm playing over at fortbendnow.com again.
Just a note to add to your
Blackberry. My band, Bitchin' Betty and the Sequined Backhoes, will be
playing over there next week. You might want to reserve your tickets
now.
June 9 -
As promised, here is the
Temporary Restraining
Order granted to keep the Texas Republican Party from starting the
process to remove Tom DeLay's name from the November ballot.
You would think the local Republicans would be grateful and
happy that we're keeping them from going to hell faster than a bullet
with legs for perpetrating a scam on the voting public, but noooooooo
.... they are whining. That's what they do best, whine. They are
saying things like, "Waaaaa ... That's just like Democrats --- run to
the courthouse when they don't like the way things are going."
Holy Mother of Pearl on a Dip Stick! God needs to make
hypocrisy painful.
I hate to be mindful, sane and all that stuff in the creative
chaos of convenient forgetfulness, but it wasn't local Democrats who
pranced over to the courthouse to try to have
Troy Niels taken off the ballot while he was honorably serving his
country in Iraq.
And it really bothers me to have to remind the local
Republicans that it wasn't Democrats who
scampered to a courtroom to have long time public servant Glory Hopkins
taken off the ballot.
Local Republicans haven't had an election since Elvis died
that they weren't at the courthouse filing legal papers to get somebody
off the ballot. Goodness sakes, you people don't remember Deborah
Champagne when she tried to run as a Democrat for District Court judge?
I'm sure I'll think of more when I have time to ponder on it.
On Edit: I just thought of some more. How 'bout the time
Republican sheriff Milton Wright tried to take Democratic candidate Tom
Steinmeyer to court to have Tom removed from the ballot?
Better yet, how 'bout in 2002 when Tom DeLay took Michael
Fjetland to federal court to try to get him off the ballot in the GOP
primary?
Shuddup. Your whining is making me cranky.
By the way, the Fort Bend Chamber of Commerce is giving Tom
DeLay a $50 a plate dinner to honor him next month. You'd think the
Republicans would want him on their ticket.
Hey, if you get bored over the weekend,
here's a game for you and kids.
June 9 -
Okay, This is going to be quick. Here's the deal. I've got
somewhere important to be this morning so all the news I've got (and
I've got plenty) will have to wait until this afternoon. Sorry, but
you're not all that important to me.
Here's some things for you to be thinking about:
Laylan Copelin over at the
Austin American Statesman has discovered that the information Tom
DeLay gave to State Republican Party Chair Tina "God's Co-Pilot"
Benkiser to prove he has officially moved to Virginia are "copies of
DeLay's driver's license, voter registration and application for state
tax withholding — all issued in Virginia since his announcement in
April." That ain't near enough, Bubba. Close but no cigar. Nah, I
take that back -- not even close. Not even hollering distance.
And, bless his heart, Fort Bend County GOP Party Chairman Gary
Gillen told Bob Dunn over at
Fort Bend Now ----
But despite the temporary restraining order, Gillen
said, “we would still do what we were supposed to do” at the county
level, and hold a special executive committee meeting June 14 to
select Fort Bend County’s representative to the District Executive
Committee.
I guess I'll have to flag down
one of Gillen's exterminating trucks today and read the judge's TRO to
him real sloooooowly. The TRO says "anyone acting on her (Tina's)
behalf or at her direction is enjoined from taking any action." I'll
post a copy of it this afternoon.
And I am certain that Tom DeLay's Liar for Hire, Shannon
Flaherty, has shot off her mouth somewhere over all this so we'll be
looking for that.
I'll be back this afternoon so hang on.
By the way, to the folks who emailed me last night about me
saying up at the top that we're the only congressional district in Texas
without representation ---- I feel real bad for the people in DeeCee. I
do.
June 8 -
The TRO was granted, and the Chairman of the Texas Republican Party
is enjoined from calling a meeting of the District Executive Committee.
A full hearing will be held on June 22nd. In granting the order, Judge
Darlene Byrne wrote,
"Plaintiffs are entitled to a Temporary Restraining
Order because it is probable they will prevail against Defendant and
obtain a permanent injunction . If the Temporary Restraining Order is
not granted, irreparable harm is imminent, as the meeting (the local
District Executive Committee) is expected to be called at any moment.
Here's the court
documents filed by the Texas Democratic party.
By the way, by granting this, the judge is probably keeping
DeLay from going to hell for taking people's money under false
pretenses. I think he owes her a big thanks!
June 8 -
Whoa, Howdy.
Bob Dunn at fortbendnow.com has some great big giant breaking news.
Since the Republicans are so willing and able to defend
DeLay's scams - past and present - it looks like somebody is finally
standing up to him and his swindles. The Texas Democratic party says
you cannot take the voter's time and money, then run like a bank robber
and keep it to yourself. They will stop DeLay from taking his name off
the ballot. He's the Republican nominee. He's the overwhelming choice
of the Republican party. He has to face the music. Hallelujah, it's
about time that somebody held him responsible for his actions.
One of my personal favorite lines from the lawsuit ---
DeLay has finally let voters in on
his true intent: he wants to have his name removed from the ballot in
November and replaced with another candidate while keeping the money
contributed to his primary campaign in clear violation of the Texas
Election Code.
The Texas Election Code permits a
candidate to withdraw. However, the Legislature attached a cost to
withdraw after a primary. If a candidate withdraws after his party’s
primary, the party cannot substitute another candidate for the
withdrawing candidate. The reason for this rule is simple – the
Legislature did not want the candidates duping voters into
contributing money and energy to the candidate in the primary, only to
watch the candidate take the money and run, not in the general
election, but to the bank. So the law places the burden on the party
in whose primary the candidate ran – in this instance the Republican
party – to make sure that candidates in the party’s primary intend to
and will run in the general election. If the Party fails to impose
this discipline, the penalty is that the Party cannot insert another
candidate into the race for District 22.
Let the
Republican whining and gnashing of teeth begin!
Hey GOPper boys, Tom's your man. Where's the love now? Huh?
June 8 -
Well, the Texas Republican Party bought into the scam. Under a
little known plank of the Texas Republican platform, Section 14,
subsection 32a, second paragraph, it says "running a scam on the voting
public is a sacred American right as long as (1) a Republican is doing
it, and (2) Jesus would do it, too."
So we can add "scamming people over where he lives," to Tom's
long list of scams -- including the one where he took money for his
re-election, lied about how many yardsigns and campaign materials he was
buying with that money, and then pocketed the dough -- to the Ain't Tom
DeLay a Great Republican! file.
Texas Republican Chair Tina Benkiser .... no wait, that's
incorrect. Tina announced last weekend that God is Chairman of the
Texas Republican Party, so I guess she's Co-Chair or something ... had
these words to say about one of the sleaziest men in America ...
"Congressman Tom DeLay was one of the most effective leaders that the
U.S. Congress has ever known as well as one of the best advocates for
American values of faith, family and freedom," Benkiser said. "We will
miss Congressman DeLay in Congress but look forward to his continued
leadership in the fight for conservative principles."
Tina! Woman! Put on your big
girl panties and face the truth. And, by the way, it would also help if
you'd quit yakking like a crazy woman.
June 7 -
Oh dear, they're
giving Tom a party. Let's see which of the Republican second-string
contenders kisses his butt the most. Let's see who is willing to have
their picture taken with Tom.
June 7 -
Okay, you know those ads that you see on teevee and in the back
pages of the newspaper saying, "Work at home and earn thousands of
dollars and a fancy lifestyle! I did it, so can you!" Well, I always
thought they were a scam. Boy howdy! Was I wrong!
The next person you'll see doing those ads on teevee is
Christine DeLay, Tom DeLay's wife. She did it! By gawd, no talent, no
expertise, no experience,
and she still raked in the dough working at home. I need a job like
that. I qualify. I ain't got no experience either.
A registered lobbyist opened a
retirement account in the late 1990s for the wife of then-House Whip
Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) and contributed thousands of dollars to it while
also paying her a salary to work for him from her home in Texas,
according to sources, documents and DeLay's attorney, Richard Cullen.
For months the big rumor around
here has been that Christine is not moving to Virginia with him. The
joke is that the sanctity of marriage does not necessarily include the
sanctity of putting up with each other.
June 6 -
You know, it does my heart good to know that Ann Coulter's newest
book
made the bargain table even before it came out. And I've got a
question -- why does she only own one dress? I mean, there she was at
7:00 this morning on the Today Show wearing a cocktail dress, fusing
about gay people and 911 widows, while claiming that God was on her
side.
Maybe Ann and Shannon could get together and have a bimbothon.
June 6 -
You know, almost as nice as seeing Tom DeLay go, it's a delight to
see Shannon
Flaherty's testy little temper depart.
Some of DeLay's last remaining pals are giving him a
don't-let-the-door-hit-you .... party at a French restaurant. A
reporter noted the irony of this, considering that DeLay is such a
France-basher. Instead of having something witty and delightful to say
about it, Shannon snipped back ---
DeLay spokeswoman Shannon Flaherty was
unhappy with any references to the restaurant as French. "This
is an American restaurant (last I checked the owner came here
from France some 30 years ago) that serves French cuisine,"
she said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.
"I trust that you do know Mr. DeLay is
French," she said.
Shannon Flaherty - the only
person on earth more snotty than the French! That impressive!
By the way, I'm having dinner at Taco Palenque tonight - an
American restaurant that serves Mexican cuisine. Well, you really
couldn't call it cuisine because that's a French word. Boy, this is
hard.
June 6 -
I was listening to some people on the radio last night who are real
sure that the world is coming to an end today because of all the 6's.
It's 06-06-06, ya know. I think that's all a bunch of hogwash, and
they're gonna feel really stupid if the world comes to an end tomorrow.
In winding-down DeLay news,
The Hill reports that the
DeLay departure will be
a deliberately low-key affair. Ya think? I mean, he's under at
least two federal investigations and indictment in Texas. You can't get
much lower than that.
Interestingly, The Hill also reports ---
Republicans in
Texas cannot name his successor on the ballot until DeLay has
officially resigned. Representatives from each of the four counties in
his district will convene to name his replacement when the resignation
becomes official. In a recent poll conducted by Fort Bend County, the
largest county in the district, Republican voters threw overwhelming
support behind Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace.
Oh dear. Well, look at this this way --- if the fools in this county
are going to elect a wheeler-dealer Congressman with no scruples, at
least it's another one with Sugar Land behind his name. We people in
Richmond appreciate that.
June 5 -
Heads up!
Roll
Call (by subscription only and you really should subscribe) is
reporting this morning that Tom DeLay is packing up his office.
Despite the prospect of future document requests
from the Justice Department or other investigators, DeLay’s staff said
that, for now, the final step is to decide where to permanently house
all of his files and papers.
Connolly said an “academic institution” in Texas will be the final
resting place for the lawmaker’s papers.
There is no legal requirement that DeLay maintain any of his files
that haven’t already been subjected to subpoenas or document requests
from investigators.
Okay, first off, I think we all
need to agree right here and now that the Halls of Salvation Bible
College, Our Lady of Perpetual Avoidance Division, does not count as an
"academic institution," I don't care how long they've had a Tom DeLay
Professorship of Hammer and Hot Tubs. (Goodness sake, when even Roll
Call, a non-partisan report, feels the need to put the words "academic
institution" in quotation marks whenever mentioned within 25 words of
"Tom DeLay," it's time we quit kidding ourselves - he didn't help our
image.)
Second off, I hope they got a 50,000 mile or 4 year warranty
on their shredder, Honey, because I'm certain that thing will be working
loooong into the night. Plus, I think some of those boxes will be
sleeping with Jimmy Hoffa.
June 5 -
Okay, I just think we deserve a public warning about this, and maybe it
should be put on the county's website or something.
This weekend at the Republican State Convention, Terese Raia
and Cress Ann Posten were elected as State Executive Committeewomen from
Fort Bend County. Oh dear. We're gonna need some body armor.
As you recall,
Cress Ann was one of the organizers of the "wrecking" on the steps
of Sugar Hall City Hall against anyone who would dare speak against Tom
DeLay. Terese was there, smiling and watching her thugs intimidate,
hit, push, scream, and shove in the name of Jeeeesus.
Where do Republicans find these women? Is there a special
12-step program for them? Can't we do a bimbo intervention?
And, I'm sad to say, Bobby
Eberle (see May 31st below) got beat for Vice Chair.
However, at the "Holy Land," the Republicans were about two
hallelujahs away from snake handling and foot washing.
And, bygawd, they want the Lord to do something about them
Meskins all over the place, taking all the good jobs ....
At Saturday morning's prayer meeting, ministers delivered prayers,
gospel singers sang, and the Rev. Dale Young, pastor of First
Presbyterian Church in Laredo, picked up the convention's dominant
theme of immigration.
"Lord, your words tell us there's a sign that this nation is under a
curse, when the alien who lives among us grows higher and higher and
we grow lower and lower," he preached.
(NOTE: I am NOT making this
stuff up.)
Ya know, one of the way you might keep from going lower and
lower is to get out of the darned mud, my friend.
June 3 -
The Texas
Republican State Convention is this weekend in San Antonio. I was
hoping to attend as a gay agnostic immigrant who just loves the Dixie
Chicks and favors restriction on personal nuclear weapon ownership
unless, of course, you're using those nukes to hunt deer or defend the
doublewide, but I got busy and forgot to get my required "Hey Dude, It
Ain't Like W Shot Them Iraqi Civilians Himself, Ya Know" tee-shirt.
I heard a rumor that they're gonna elect Eberle
(see May 31st below) by
a landslide. Sweet mother of fried moon pies on a stick, please let
that be true.
Bless their hearts, these people are such fun. They want a
plank in their state platform that denies medical help to any illegal
immigrant. That means they would step over a 5 year old illegal
immigrant child bleeding to death on their front lawn so they could get
into their Hummer and drive to a rally protesting embryonic stem cell
research. You gotta love that in a person.
Meanwhile, Governor Rick Perry,
who set a land speed record trying to distance himself from George W,
took on people who don't look like him. Steve McGraw is Perry's Director of
Homeland Security. Lord help us.
McCraw gave delegates a closed-door briefing before
addressing reporters. He said last year there were 133,045 individuals
from countries other than Mexico caught illegally entering the country
through the Texas border.
"Individuals that came from Afghanistan, Yemen,
Iraq, Iran, Indonesia, Pakistan. We know we have an al-Qaida front.
Those are the ones we caught," McCraw said.
He acknowledged that only one
individual had any suspected ties to terrorism, which he wouldn't
discuss. But he said anyone from a country linked to terrorism should
be considered a suspect.
"If you think of it as an army of jihadists coming
into the country to do corporate-style al-Qaida attacks, simultaneous
attacks, everyone counts," McCraw said.
Hey Bubba, you're looking the
wrong direction, Fool! You need to look up, not down.
It's them darned hockey players we need to watch out for, eh?
Okay, I'll up it. My sister-in-law is Canadian. I'm turning
her snow lovin' butt over to McCraw tomorrow. I've always been
suspicious when at ballgames she didn't say the "Under God" part during
the National Anthem.
June 2 -
When having a fish and a Fort Bend Baptist Academy bumper sticker on
your car just isn't
enough.....
That is soooo handy. Now Jesus doesn't even have to ask you
any questions when Armageddon comes because you've already got a Jesus
shirt!
(No, I'm not making fun of Christians. I am making fun of
people who have to constantly tell you that they're Christians because
you sure can't tell by their behavior. Those people are annoy the spit
out of me.)
June 2 -
It's June. Those of you who have been around for a while know that
I don't work much in June. And that's another reason why this place
isn't a blog. A blog smacks of actual work. People expect you to
"post" something every day on a blog. Heck, I don't even change clothes
every day. Okay, so maybe I do. Maybe I even change clothes several
times a day. That was a bad example. Let's change it to --- I don't
cook every day. No, that won't work either because I don't even cook
every week. Okay, so I can't think of anything I might not do every day
to use as an example. See, this is turning into work.
And I kinda need to get something together for
fortbendnow.com because if I
don't, people will think Bob fired me just because certain elected
officials complained that he puts my thoughts in his online newspaper.
(And Bob, dang him!, won't tell me which ones so I can write about them
more often.) I gotta write something about the elected officials so
they'll have something to whine about. See, without me they'd all think
they are just one lightening strike away from being God. We can't be
having that. I gotta keep them in line. That's work. I don't work too
much in June.
And by golly, anybody can put their thoughts on
fortbendnow.com Last time I
checked, the Republican tom cats were clawing each other to death over
there. Hey, reading that stuff beats working any day of the week!
May 31 -
Remember Jeff Gannon? You
remember, the guy who asked softball questions at White House press
briefings until he was
outed as a gay
prostitute? And you probably also remember that Gannon got his
press credentials though an online far rightwing news service named
Talon News.
After all the dust up, what with people wondering how a gay prostitute
got into White House press briefings under protection of an online
so-called news service, Gannon and his very public nakkid body just
kinda went away.
