This website is dedicated to ground zero for democracy.  Thanks to Congressvarmint Tom DeLay and Governor Rick Perry, the good people of the Texas 22nd will soon be the only people in America since 1776 to have taxation without representation.  Our forefathers shed blood over this. However, our local Republicans think it's just hunkey dorey, and they will hit you if you try to say otherwise.
          This site mostly is about local politics.  Nevertheless, you folks from foreign states can better understand what the fool tarnation is going on down there. 

Here's the deal: This ain't a blog.  It's a professional political organization.  Send me email - I'll post it if I feel like it. 


 

April 28 - Okay, well line up now for your autographed copy.  Tom DeLay is writing his "memoirs." 

DeLay told The Hill that he’s planning to write his memoirs, and is exploring a number of other possible venues that will keep him involved in public policy after he returns to private life.

          Oh Honey, that's a dollar table seller if I ever saw one.  Venues?  Is that what they're calling overpaid democracy-killing lobbyists nowadays?
          Maybe Tom and Karl Rove can have battling biographies.

          And, it appears that even President Bush Dumped DeLay.

“Mr. Bush also called for repealing several hundred million dollars in subsidies, also in the energy bill, for an industry-run deepwater drilling research center in Sugar Land, Tex. That project's biggest champion was Representative Tom DeLay, the former House majority leader whose district includes Sugar Land.”

          I guess that eliminates the President as a choice for writing a jacket blurb for the book.

          And in the sweet karma department, oh please, please, please let there be a stained dress.

The Journal also suggested that other lawmakers might be implicated. I've learned from a well-connected source that those under intense scrutiny by the FBI are current and former lawmakers on Defense and Intelligence committees—including one person who now holds a powerful intelligence post.


April 26 - Well that's the spirit!  I think the local Republican Party is taunting and goading Commissioner Andy Meyers (read below).  Go check out www.FortBendRepublicans.com  Dude, that's gotta hurt.
           On the other hand, it does give Andy something else to be outraged about.  If you ever find Andy has fainted on the courthouse parking lot, don't give him smelling salts.  Give him some outrage.  It's like spinach to Popeye!

          On an unrelated note, our Less-Than-A-Week-From-Finally-Leaving (yeah, right) GOP Party Chair Eric Thode, made the big time media at The Hill with his hairbrained scheme.  Yeah, he even look stoopid in bigger print.
          In one local newspaper, Thode whines that the only criticism he's getting is from local blogs, and he got 100 emails - count 'um, one hundred - supporting his idea.  And they're going to let HIM count the ballots?
          And yes, we will be re-producing there ballots here in printable form for your mailing pleasure. 


April 25 - Have mercy on us all.  Republican County Commissioner Andy Meyers is outraged again.  You know what that mean, don't you?  He has found a reason to talk dirty again.  He's all a-twitter over flour, sugar, and eggs.  As if this wasn't enough to hush him up. 

By three o’clock that afternoon, County Commissioner Andy Meyers, a man far too obsessed with other people’s hoochy-koochy activities to have much of his own, was issuing press releases and getting everybody in the county drawing a taxpayer salary to quit whatever they were doing and get ---- well, outraged!

 Now he's upset over a billboard.  A billboard.  Without. One. Single. Dirty. Word. On. It.

 

          Since this is a time-sensitive website and an open email to the citizenry, I will copy it here.  Andy is responding to someone who is deeply offended by free enterprise and lipstick.  And the word "naughty" we suspect.  Andy proudly and sincerely writes ----

You may not know that I was the primary author of the County's "Sexual Oriented Business" (SOBs) Ordinance that regulates where SOB's can be sited, which is the only authority the state legislature grants to counties with regard to SOBs. My initial efforts were to structure the ordinance in a way that the only place an SOB could be located was next to the garbage dumps in the county. I was only partially successful because I could not get our then County Judge, Jim Adolphus, to go along with my 3,000 feet distance from any other structure in the county for an SOB site. We ended up with 1,500 feet distance, which was better than none at all.

When Nooky's Erotic Bakery opened its doors, I sought to have it closed because I believed that it did not comply with our SOB Ordinance. Our County Attorney's office and Sheriff's Office disagreed with my "interpretation" of SOB. The County Attorney's Office claims that the "primary" business of the erotic bakery is food, not sexual titillation, and therefore it does not fall under the SOB Ordinance. I still disagree with that interpretation, but it is the sheriff, with the assistance of the county attorney, who enforces the SOB Ordinance, not Commissioners Court.

The State Legislature in its infinite wisdom has not seen fit to give counties authority to regulate "billboards" in the county. As such, the county can do nothing about the billboard. My office has contacted the state inquiring about what the state can do if anything. The response is the state does not regulate billboard content, unless it is specifically pornographic.

The only thing my complaints accomplished is the bakery frosted its windows so young kids walking by could not see the images on the cakes, etc. If anyone wants a copy of the county's "Sexual Oriented Business" Ordinance, he/she can get a copy from our County Attorney's Office at (281) 341-4555.

Andy Meyers

           Okay, Andy has a significantly different memory of the SOB meetings than I do.  It wasn't Jim Adolphus, but a 85% majority of the SOB Committee who opposed the 3,000 foot difference.  I was there, Andy.  I have notes.  You did not write the ordinance.  You weren't even on the committee.  Goodness Sake, man, find something else that allows you to use the word "titillation" more than normally necessary!  It's embarrassing to the adults to have you do this so often. 
          I have previously suggested that we need to give Andy a flashlight to shine in parked cars to catch teenagers necking.  Now we need to give him a can of spray paint to become Captain Andy:  Guardian of the Missionary Position
.


April 24 - My friend Earl sent me this joke.

"Why do Tom DeLay supporters always travel in groups of three?  Because the first can read, the second can write, and the third keeps an eye on those two intellectuals."


April 23 - Okay, most folks, even if they don’t own a tin foil helmet, have pretty much figured that this hair-brained scheme that almost-former Fort Bend GOP party chair Eric Thode came up with to replace DeLay on the GOP ballot is a scam. 
          First, Thode will print some ballots, or a reasonable approximation thereof. Supposedly he’ll mail them out to households where one person might have voted in one of the last three or so GOP primaries, then he might count the ballots if they are mailed back or hand-delivered within whatever arbitrary time frame seems semi-appropriate.    
          The total will be announced on primetime teevee at a colossal press conference complete with air horns, or whispered over at the back parking lot of Hooter’s at 4:15 a.m., depending on who wins the vote. 
          Let’s just set aside the fact that Thode doesn’t have a sterling track record of getting his mailing address correct.  I mean, he may accidentally tell some folks to mail theirs to Idaho or some other foreign state. It would be an accident, you know. 
          Look, it’s simple.  If either Thode or his spawn Gary Gillen were interested in open government, they wouldn’t file their personal ethics reports with a pencil and paper so you have to take a trip to Austin and pay money to see them.  Both of them own a computer.  They could file electronically.  They don’t.  They are Dorks of Darkness. 
          Good Lord, Thode worked for Enron as their mouthpiece and Gillen is an exterminator.  Haven’t you people learned anything?  Why don’t we just hire Katherine Harris and then we could have 4 big boobs involved?
          Our local Republicans are angry, mean people who call each other names on the Internet machine, try to destroy each other’s reputations, and hit old women.  They don’t want to compromise, govern, or even allow someone else to have an idea. 
          In short, Thode’s junkmail plan ain’t gonna work.  That might be a good thing since there’s not a law anywhere on the books that will allow Tom DeLay to withdraw from the race simply because he’s not going to win, so they’re pretty much stuck with him anyway. 
          But, if the Republicans insist on fighting to the death over who they would like to be Tom DeLay’s replacement, I have a few compromise suggestions that would cause less bloodshed and not embarrass the children.  We here at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., Fort Bend’s only professional political organization, will volunteer our time and effort to help with the following ideas. 

1)  Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Congressman?  I’m pretty darned certain that the first contestant would say, “Juanita, I’d like to call my Lifeline, Jack Abramoff.”   

2) Three words – “Boardroom.  Donald Trump.”  Oh, for the opportunity to hear Trump say, “Charlie Howard, you’re fired.” 

3) Let Paula Abdul, Ryan Seacrest, and Simon Cowell decide.  They probably won’t do much better than Thode and Gillen but at least somebody might get laid.   

4)  Poker night at Buck Pochek’s Rural Entertainment Promoters, Political Consulting, and Bait Camp.  Buck would decide the winner by whoever gives him the most money.  That’s pretty much the way it’ll be decided anyway, but Buck will be honest about it and count the money right in front of you. 

5)  Best Elvis Impersonator.  Babe, this is the way to go  ---

 

 (For the people not from here:  That's Tom DeLay, Elvis, and Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace, not necessarily in that order)


April 22 - I have a question. 
          The Texas Lawyer has an interesting article about The DeLay Foundation and where they get their money.  The land for Rio Bend (which I kept an eye on for 10 years) sat empty with faded signs until Ronnie Earle learned Tom's name and - kapow! - suddenly it's overnight compound-building time. 
          However, just as interesting to me is how the DeLay Foundation spends their money.  There was the whole Desperado Motorcycle deal, with some very unfortunate pictures to come out of it.

 

          And now, a ---- you guessed it --- golfing event.
          For the clueless, professional golf tournaments benefit charities.  The Administaff Classic benefits M D Anderson and Golfers Against Cancer. Corporations sponsor these tournaments and in return for their money, they usually get hot shot seats in a tent with air conditioning and prissy drinks and cigars and other stuff that normal people go to the golf course to get away from.   
          Corporate sponsors also get a chance for their bigwigs to play in the pro-am before the real tournament starts.  Grown men will cut you with knives for the chance to make fools of themselves in front of professional golfers.  I've seen it with my own eyes.  It's a flabbergasting thing. 
          So, take a look at this page - click right about here. Right along with Cadillac, Coca-Cola, Schlumberger, Wachovia, and Anheuser Busch, you find DeLay Foundation.  Why would a charity be considered a corporate sponsor?  If Tom DeLay uses charity money to play in the pro-am and smoke big ole cigars, I'm telling Ronnie Earle and you can't stop me.
          He's such a jerk.  And I don't think he's going to be able to get off the ballot, either.  I think his one last mean act before being defeated is to cause a giant fight among local Republicans.... and you can't stop him.


April 21 - What is this?  The 11 disciples and a player to be named later?
          From Thode's email ----

THE ATTACHED CARD WILL INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING NAMES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER:

1. Pat Baig
2. Tom Campbell
3. John Devine
4. Mike Fjetland
5. State Representative Charlie Howard
6. State Senator Mike Jackson
7. Don Richardson
8. Houston City Councilmember Shelley Sekula-Gibbs
9. State Representative Robert Talton
10. State Representative Larry Taylor
11. Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace
12. A blank line will be included for any other name you wish to choose.

          GOP Party Chair for 9 more days, Eric Thode, has sent out the names of the 11 people he considers "in the running" for the CD22 seat.  If you voted in any of the past three GOP primaries, you'll get your ballot in the mail.  Hey, where's Thelma's name? 
          I've seen a better line-up at Old Broads' Softball night. 


April 21 - Bob Dunn was at the GOP meeting last night and brings us fresh news at Fort Bend Now. 

          And Rick Casey at the Chronicle shines the light on DeLay's hypocrisy


April 21 - Check this out.  GOP County Chair Eric Thode, who moved to Harris County last October but refuses to relinquish one ounce of power to the newly elected party chair until he's required to do so by law or go to jail, has managed to find a way to keep power even after he's forced to give up the title in two weeks. It's an amazing feat.  I imagine he's all aquiver with delight. 
          As a customer already pointed out this morning, Thode's logic wouldn't be stable even if you mounted it on a tripod and strapped it to the San Jacinto Monument. 
          Here's one of my favorites ----

Thode said he plans to send out a sample ballot next week to anyone in Fort Bend County who has voted in the last three Republican primaries. It will contain the names of the most frequently mentioned contenders for the nomination, and request anonymous responses that Thode hopes will gauge which prospective candidate has the most support.

          Okay, we're one of the fastest growing counties in the nation, but you must have lived here at least 6 years to get a vote in this little adventure in closed-door democracy.  That seems real fair, doesn't it?And the guy sending the ballot out doesn't even live here anymore, but under his rules he gets to vote.  Dude, drunks down at the Mustang Lounge can figure out that this ain't right.  On Edit:  Now it appears that anybody who voted in any one of those three GOP primaries gets to "vote" in the Thode Tally. 
          Additionally, any fool with the IQ of a turnip knows that whoever prints the "ballots" can print a few extra and send them in anonymously.  And who's gonna count these ballots?  Somebody in Dade County, Florida? 
          The Fort Bend Republican Party has more scams than a Vegas street dealer. 
          Eric, let go.  Come on, now, it won't hurt.  Let Gary have the reins.  No, no, no, quit trying to shove him just because David Wallace likes him better now. 


April 20 - Okay, he's drinking again.  Here's a link to a story in the South Belt Ellington Leader. (It opens in PDF.) Go to Page Two and read the following: Emphasis mine and mine alone; I didn't want you to miss the important parts.

DeLay explains how to replace him 

The following was submitted to the Leader by U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay 

District 22 Precinct Chairs: 

FYI, I am attaching copies of the U.S. Constitution and Texas law on filling vacancies in the U.S. House of Representatives. What is the law? The U.S. Constitution and Texas Election laws apply. 

U.S. Law

U.S. Constitution, Article 1, Section 2 is the only section that mentions replacing a House member. It simply states: “When vacancies happen in the Representation from any State, the Executive Authority thereof shall issue Writs of Election to fill such Vacancies.”

That means the Governor should call for an election, not an appointment of a single candidate. Texas law also applies. Here is the one statute that applies to vacancies in the U.S. House: Election Code Chapter 204; Vacancy in Congress; Subchapter B.  

Vacancy In House of Representatives Sec. 204.021.

Vacancy Filled at special election. An unexpired term in the office of United States representative may be filled only by a special election in the same manner as provided by Chapter 203 for the legislature, except that Section 203.013 does not apply. Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 211, Sec. 1, eff. Jan. 1, 1986. 

The answer is: Special Election. That means all candidates are eligible, not just from one party. I have heard people say there should be no Special Election because it is not in the Republicans’ favor to have one. That is saying we will follow the Constitution only when it yields more favorable odds. 

I am old fashioned and believe we follow the Constitution as written, not just when it is in our favor.

Remember, it was Mr. DeLay who chose this course instead of  bowing out early so voters could choose an alternate in the primary. The fact that a Special Election is now viewed as less favorable means that some Republicans are arguing that they don’t have to follow the Constitution. Think about it..

Tom DeLay

         Did Tom's staff take this chance to give him a literary Wet Willie before he fires them all?   Or, does he speak with forked tongue - one thing in Fort Bend and another in Clear Lake?


April 20 - Harris County Judge Robert Eckels has pulled out of the race for the GOP nomination for the 22nd Congressional District. (Be sure to read the first comment; it's a dandy!)
          Having an open election would have been to Eckels' benefit because he leans in the moderate direction, but he knew that he wouldn't have a junebug's chance in a snowstorm with the four selectors that the lunatic fringe of the Republican executive committees will pick.
          You know how I've always predicted that the local GOP will get so riled up over who they will pick to be their nominee that they'll start hitting each other with their Bibles?  I may have been wrong about that. 
          Instead, they've decided to out-sneaky each other.  Of all the nights the party chairman could have picked to have a party meeting about this subject, he picked the night of the New Territory candidate forum and the annual Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club somber celebration of all things Republican. Okay, so I know they call themselves The Spirit of Freedom, but everybody else calls them the Belles. 
          Slogan of the Day - Republicans: they don't just hate Democrats anymore.
          Personally, I'm pulling for David Wallace.  There's more dirt on him than my tomato roots.


April 19 - Marsha Rovai returned to the Sugar Land Police Department today with a highly respected lawyer and it was all the difference between day and night.
          Two officers interviewed her, asked her for copies of the tapes, and promised to review the case.  Thank you to everybody who emailed the police chief. 


April 18 - Okay, Guys, let's head 'um up and move 'um out.
          The Sugar Land Police Department refused to accept charges on behalf of Marsha Rovai, the 69 year old retired CPS caseworker who was assaulted by two different Republican men during a Lampson press conference. 
          One of the ringleaders, Ken Dexter, who arrived in a white DeLay tee-shirt, sunglasses, jeans, and his best thug look ....

is currently serving as foreman of the Fort Bend County Grand Jury. Dexter is now claiming that he came to the press conference and he  "peacefully protested Mr. Lampson and talked to him about his voting record."  However, video clearly shows Dexter shoving people, putting signs over people's heads to cover their faces, and screaming into Lampson's ear.  At no point did he try to speak peacefully to Mr. Lampson
          More importantly, the Sugar Land Police Department refused to let Marsha file charges or even give a statement.  That's not surprising since the Mayor of Sugar Land, David Wallace, is a close friend of Tom DeLay's and is openly running for the Republican nomination for the seat. 
          By the way, the Democrats had permission to be there and the Republicans did not. 
          If you could please let the City of Sugar Land know that you do not believe it is acceptable for men to do to Marsha what they did, it might send a message that every citizen has the right to expect safety in Sugar Land Town Square.  Please be polite, make no threats, or use bad language.  We don't want them to think that you're a Republican, now do we? 

City of Sugar Land          Sugar Land Police Chief

         I have a theory that the more crap you put up with, the more crap you're gonna to get.  Let's face them down right here right now.

          One more thing, Dexter says, "Exercising free speech and opposing Democrats on their voting record is not against the law.”  You'd think the foreman of the Grand Jury would check the law before he spouts off.  Remember:  Dexter was instructed by DeLay's campaign manager to "wreck" Lampson's press conference.

Texas Penal Code, Section 42.05

42.05. DISRUPTING MEETING OR PROCESSION.  (a) A person commits an offense if, with intent to prevent or disrupt a lawful meeting, procession, or gathering, he obstructs or interferes with the meeting, procession, or gathering by physical action or verbal utterance.
(b)  An offense under this section is a Class B misdemeanor


April 17- Just say NO.  Real loud!
          Our county commissioners are asking us to approve $130 million in bonds next month.  And this is only the start.  They will ask for an additional $80 in November for a so-called Justice Center, and up to $300 in mobility bonds soon thereafter.
          That’s a grand total of almost half a billion dollars, so they want to give it to us in three small doses over a year, hoping we won’t tie them up and throw them in The River while yelling, “Quit dreaming in zeros, Bub!”  They’re also hoping we’ll forget how much of our money they’re spending - on themselves.
          Here’s the best part:  your county commissioners say they won’t raise taxes to pay for all this.  Hey, wiz on my leg and tell me it’s raining, but don’t lie to me about taxes when I can add, you fool.
          Today, let’s discuss the $130 million that comes up for a vote next month.  They are going to buy a new jail (while the one we have isn’t full), a library for the University of Houston and Houston Community College (well, isn’t that nice of us?), and new swanky digs for some elected officials (which they most certainly do not need).
         County government has been growing 10% a year for the past five years or so.  To pay for this bond issue, the commissioners say they will cut back on those increases in spending.  Well, heckfire tarnation dammit gosh, if they can cut the 10% increase in the future, why couldn’t they have done it in the past?  Huh?  I wanna know.
          However, more obvious than dark roots on bleached blonde hair is this:  All of these bonds involve new buildings we didn’t have before.  You will have to heat and cool these buildings, hire security for them, furnish them, hire people to work in them, fill them with electricity, install computer systems and maintain them, and we haven’t even gotten to toilet paper and telephones yet.  You can’t do all that for free.
          Just say NO on May 13th.
           
 I cannot believe that Republicans like to call themselves “conservatives.”  Sheesh. 
          Later, I'll explain Juanita's Patented Tombstone Theory. Meanwhile, we have new slogan here.  "Republicans: they're not just for higher gas prices anymore!" 


April 16 - Go check out Email from Hell and see Fort Bend GOP politico Jim explain why the primary run-off turned the local Republican Party into a bad country-western song. 


April 15 - Our good friend Alfredo notes that ARMPAC is so broke that they didn't have enough money to pay DeLay's daughter's (Dani DeLay Ferro) salary. 

But notice who did get paid - the guy who could testify against DeLay - Jim Ellis.

           Who's your Daddy? 


April 14 - Couldn't help myself. My favorite funny writer, John Kelso, has a little fun with Frenchy Tom waving the white flag and quitting --

Put simply, Tom DeLay is yellow. He's afraid to duke it out with the Dems. Hey, I haven't seen this much yellow since the pet canary sat on my nose.

Tom, where is your spine? Did you put your spine on eBay to raise money for the Republican Party? Are you going to kowtow to a bunch of liberals because you think they could spank you in an election?


April 13 - Blessed Easter and Passover to all.  Unless something really big breaks, I'm outta here until Monday; but I'll have my laptop and no telling what I might say while high on chocolate bunnies.
          While I'm outta here, I want you all to be thinking about why Republicans in Fort Bend County simply will not elect a woman to any power position, or a minority male or female to anything at all.
          And then, just to ruin your appetite ...

DeLay on short list for OMB job

WASHINGTON, April 12 (UPI) -- The White House is looking at a list of cost-cutting candidates to head the Office of Management and Budget, and Rep. Tom DeLay, R-Texas, may be on it.

The former House majority leader, who announced he will resign from Congress and is under a state indictment on political money laundering charges, is listed as a possible replacement for Josh Bolten, the U.S. News and World Report said.

          Yo!  Bozos!  He'll steal all the money for golf, cigars, and fancy resort hotels.  Can't you just hear it now?  A month from now, all the money in the United States is ... errrr.... "missing" and Bush says, "Heckuva job, Tommy!" 
 


April 12 - Ain't no place for a woman in the Fort Bend GOP.  Every woman on the local ballot - all 4 of them - got beat tonight.  As my Republican friend Buck Pochek says, "There just ain't no seat at the table for wimmen in this man's Republican party.  They just get to set the table and clean it."
          The only upside I see is that I get to
have all my fun with County Attorney Bud Childers (and here.) until November.
          On a serious note, Nina Schaefer would have been a good judge.  This county is poorer for her loss. 


 April 12 - Oh dear, another of DeLay’s staff takes a stumble in the good-boy department, and you’ll read it here first. As I said on Thursday, we thought we recognized air horny guy, but I just wanted to make sure.  Thanks to CNN, I now have a tape to Leonard “Air Horn” Cash, trying to leave the impression that he’s just a regular voter in District 22.  That don't even pass the truthiness test.  It ain't even almost truth. 
           Mr. Cash, following in the footsteps of other DeLay aides, has fine-tuned the art of deception and trickery.  Not only does he not live in District 22 --- he lives in Houston near the corner of Dunlavy and West Gray, way the dickens away from here - in John Culberson’s district.  Not only is he not just a regular guy – he’s a paid DeLay henchman
          Since there will no doubt be some civil suits arising out of this, I hope Congressman DeLay has paid Mr. Cash well enough to afford the team of lawyers that all DeLay aides seem to be needing lately.
          But, nice hat, kiddo.  Not particularly flattering, but nice.


April 11 - Bob Dunn will have up-to-date run-off election results tonight his www.fortbendnow.com Head on over there and check it out.


April 11 - My friend Maureen, who claims to have a job but apparently not enough of one, has opened a Cafe Press shop for Juanita's.  She'll be adding things, or you can make requests. 


April 11 - Okay, here's a story from the weekly eastside of the county newspaper that might interest you.  The first part is about the Republican wrecking skills, but what interests everyone the most is where the resigning, but not too anxious to shuddup and leave, Republican County Chairman's explanation explains why we shouldn't have a Congressman in this district for six months, a measure of time that Eric calls "a few."

The problems caused by a special election, according to Thode, are as follows: "It is open to anyone and everyone regardless of Party affiliation. More than likely many Republicans run, a few independents, a Libertarian, a Green Party candidate and others, and probably just one Democrat, Nick Lampson.

The number of candidates in an extremely low turnout election guarantees a Runoff, which may or may not include the best candidates and most assuredly would not be between two good Republicans. As the lone Democrat, Lampson will be in the Runoff.

What if Lampson wins? He is then the incumbent going into November and if we as a Party have waited for the Special Election to end to choose the Republican who will appear on the ballot, we have wasted at least 60 days of campaigning time.

This is why I call a Special Election in this instance a circus act or freak show. It is not the best way for us to determine who should be our choice for November and it wastes a lot of time. The winner gets nothing but the right to be called Congressman for a few months during a period of time that nothing will be going on in Washington."

          Where - even once - does Thode mention what is best for the county or democracy or citizens or anything except what is best for the Republican ByGawd Party! 
          Circus act?  Freak show?  I don't think so.  I think it's called democracy and representative government.  You know, you gotta have enough gall to fill the Grand Canyon to move to another Congressional district and then announce to your abandoned home that they don't need a Congressman.  That's what Thode and Tom DeLay are doing. 
          This ain't brain surgery - the Republicans selected DeLay and they gotta stick with him. 


April 11 - Oh goodness, please don't send him here; they'll hit him with signs!  From the Waco Tribune.

          Audience members who expected to see Bill Nye “The Science Guy” conduct experiments and wow their children received quite a surprise Wednesday when Nye spoke at McLennan Community College.

          However ....

The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights — the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light,” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.

A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.

“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children.

             How dare the science guy talk like that!  Even in Waco, everyone knows the moon is made of green cheese. 
          Texas:  where we hate the rest of the country for their freedom.


April 10 - Okay, I don’t know why I expected anything different, but that that Shannon Flaherty chick working for Tom DeLay sure is the Princess of Priss.  Look, I know it’s gotta be a tough job being the spokeswoman for a dude who thinks he’s gonna be raptured before a jury puts his butt in prison, but Honey, Honey, Honey... look what she’s saying today …..

Pat Baig, who challenged Tom DeLay in the Republican primary election in March, said Monday she believes DeLay planned the timing of his resignation from Congress months ago and “has chosen David Wallace as his anointed one.”

“There’s a reason Pat received less than 4% of the vote – she’s not credible and everyone knows it,” said DeLay spokeswoman Shannon Flaherty. “Pat’s conspiracy theory is as ridiculous as her primary candidacy was.”

          Whoa Babe, that’s one snotty little witch, ain't it?  She didn't even say the obligatory "Bless her heart," before she knifed a member of her own gender and her own political party.  The way I figure it, Flaherty is about a quart low on estrogen.  I mean, she works around bunch of dipsticks so it shouldn’t be hard to check it. 
          Aren’t you glad you weren’t her Delta Delta Delta little sister?  Cheeezzzz.
          By the way, Pat just said what 95% of the rest of this district is saying. 


April 10 - Roll Call (sorry, subscription only) has a story today that headlines, "Um, Rep. DeLay, Could I Have My Money Back?" and a dandy first paragraph ...


.....
"If I wanted to give to a legal fund, I would've done it directly," snarled one GOP lobbyist who refused to have his name attached to such callous-sounding sentiments, even if DeLay is leaving Congress.

           It seems that they are upset that Tom scammed them out of their money by full-well knowing that he was going to resign, but continued to raise money for his campaign fund.  That money can now be transferred into his legal defense fund.  I guess they didn't buy the whole, "Jesus wants me to do this" line from DeLay. 
          You know, I'd almost like to feel kinda sorry for people who get scammed by DeLay, but, Honey, if they haven't learned about Tom and greed yet, they need to get out of the gene pool. 


April 10 - Okay, I’m going to jump out on a limb here and make a prediction about the upcoming local Republican run-off races.  In each race (County Court at law, County Attorney, and GOP Party Chairman) there’s one male and one female. 
          Madam Swami Juanita predicts the winner in each race in the GOP primary run-off will have one thing in common with every darned other GOP elected official in the county --- they will all be fluffy white boys! 
          I ain’t kidding.  When you go to a swearing-in ceremony in Fort Bend County, it looks like Germany won the damn war. 
          Republicans will elect women if there’s “clerk” or “collector” in the title, but commissioner or judge, where the real power is, is still the boy’s club.  
          I hope I’m wrong, but history says it’s a safe bet.


April 9 - My friend Sally came up with the perfect new Republican slogan, considering the GOPper Sugar Land behavior . Every District 22 Republican must put this bumper sticker on their car ----

“If You Can’t Beat ‘em, Beat ‘em

          I'll be getting those bumper stickers ordered this week.


April 9 - I'd like to draw your attention to an excellent piece by Ken Molberg.

The real reason the Bully-in-Chief quit the race against Lampson, of course, was because he was going to lose, and things were not going to start moving in his direction, what with all the Abramoff and TRMPAC sewage creeping up around his neckline.

But as we know, you can never trust DeLay. Although he says he is, he’s not really going away. DeLay’s the schoolyard bully who, when successfully challenged, runs to a safe distance and then sticks his tongue out at you.

          Ken argues, too, that Tom's "disqualification" from the ballot is a sham. 
          Local Republicans never want a fair fight.  They came looking for a fight at Sugar Land Town Center, threw the first punch, and then whined like a two year old when they got hit back. 
          Locals are familiar with Brian Gaston, founder of the Taxpayers Association, former Sugar Land city councilman and Christian Coalition head-cherub.  On other websites, (and mostly here) he's boasting that the Republican bullyism at Town Square was justified because Nick Lampson dared step foot in Sugar Land.  Now, I've looked at all the pictures of the event and Brian Gaston is nowhere to be found.  Wanna know why?  Because he's a big old fat sissy-boy.  (Darn, that felt good to finally say that out loud.)
          And then Republican County Commissioner Andy Meyers whines that a Democrat defended Marsha, a 70 year old woman. (Every time Andy opens his mouth it sounds like a two year old banging his spoon on the high chair before the food gets there.) And that Lampson should have known that he's was going to get "wrecked" when he came to Sugar Land.  Bob Dunn's conservative source is right.  .....

Lampson thought he could campaign smack in the middle of DeLay turf. And it was up to the Sugar Land Conservative Cripps to welcome Mr. Rogers to the Hood.


April 8 - For those who expressed concern for Marsha, she's feeling better today and posed with Democratic candidate for Governor, Chris Bell.


          

          Whacking elderly ladies is frown upon in Rosenberg (even though I hear some Sugar Land Republicans are boasting about it in Sugar Land), so this Democratic event (to an overflow crowd) was protected. Check the cars across the street.

          Please allow me to issue a statement about Marsha in case any GOP thugs want to try to intimidate her or harass her.  Marsha doesn't live alone.  Additionally, she's handy with a shotgun and has a dog that so big she she rewards him Republican protestors as training treats.  Do not mess with her when "Precious" or Don Bankston are around.  They both bite. 


April 7  - The Lampson campaign just sent out an email with this comment:

We are extremely grateful for the many Republicans who emailed and called our campaign to apologize (even though it wasn't their obligation to do so) and say they really did not like what they saw from the DeLay staff yesterday.  Sometimes, it's easy for those of us on the Lampson staff to get caught up in the back and forth with the dirty politics with the DeLay campaign.  But this is the kind of positive outpouring that reminds those of us on staff that Nick is right, and we can reach out to folks on both sides of the aisle with civility and common sense.  That's what separates our campaign from the bullying tactics and backroom dealing of Tom DeLay and his cronies.

          I'm delighted to hear that some local Republicans far classier than the nasties who showed up yesterday.  Good on 'um!


April 7 - A customer (Disgusted Constituent) sent me the following:  I say Amen.

In his speech from the House floor in June of 1999 --

"It couldn't have been because we place our children in day care centers where they learn their socialization skills among their peers under the law of the jungle, while employees who have no vested interest in the children look on and make sure that no blood is spilled."

--  DeLay could have been describing the behavior of his Repummelcan supporters on the steps of Sugar Land's City Hall Thursday morning.


April 7 -  There’s a couple of things on the news front this morning.  Thelma told me that Tom DeLay’s campaign manager said that Nick Lampson and his supporters could expect to see more of yesterday’s behavior for 7 more months.  That's a long time.
          Okay, even outside of the fact of why Tom DeLay would need a campaign manager if he’s really resigning, there is another problem.  I checked around this morning and it appears that Fort Bend Democrats don’t have many more 70 year old women who can take a punch like Marsha can.  They’re trying to train some, but it ain’t working out as well as you’d suspect.  Old women can be darned cranky.  I certainly know that’s what I want to be when I grow up. 
          Then they tried to get some of the men to go dressed in drag so Mr. DeLay’s goons would have a target for all their anger, but that ain’t going well either.  Nathan Lane has just ruined it for men in drag.  And that whole Brokeback Mountain thing … well, anyway, the menfolk are a little skittish about the drag idea.
          So, that only leaves one solution – they’re going to have to outsource the little old lady thing.  They’ve asked me to appeal to your patriotic goodwill and volunteer your Grandmother.  They’ll pay her expenses here and I’ll throw in a perm and a manicure. 

          On another note, I don’t know if people in foreign states realize the last mean thing Tom DeLay and Governor Rick Perry are doing to us here in the 22nd.  Here’s the plan:  they are going to hold 2 elections in November.  One for who will be our Congressvarmint for 2 years and another one for who will be our Congressvarmint for 2 months.  Meanwhile, between June and November, we just won’t have a Congressvarmint. 
          That's good-sense Texas Republican style.
          The Governor, who ain’t real bright even by Austin standards, has issued a White Paper Report.  It’s his first, we think.  Bless his heart, he thinks that if it’s printed on white paper, it has to be the truth.  Stuff printed on blue paper is always suspect, you know; and we ain’t even talking about green paper or any of your broad spectrum of pastels.   
          So, according to the Gov’s White Paper Report ---- 

“If, however, the chairman of the Texas GOP issues an administrative finding that DeLay is ineligible to serve, then the chairman calls a meeting of the district executive committee to select a candidate to be placed on the ballot,” the white paper states. “The executive committee would consist of one precinct chair from each of the four counties (Fort Bend, Harris, Brazoria and Galveston) in the 22nd Congressional District selected by the precinct chairs from the individual precincts within each of the four counties.”

          So, four people from four counties will select the GOP nominee for Congress.  These Republicans have never been real big on this whole democracy and voter participation thing, but this takes the cake, Honey. 
          Let me give you some numbers.  In the last election DeLay got 18,000 votes in Brazoria County, 12,000 votes in Galveston County, 58,000 in Fort Bend County, and 64,000 in Harris County.  That gives you an idea of how many Republicans there are in each county.
          However, under the Gov’s plan, little ole Galveston County with 12,000 Republicans would get the same voice as big ole mean Harris County with 64,000 Republicans.  Honey, wars have been fought over stuff less unfair than that.  And, given the temperament of the local Republicans shown yesterday, I think we need FEMA to send us some body armor down and big ole boots down here because it’s gonna look like 5,000 acres of snakes once these Republicans start going after each other.   


April 7 - Pull in on them reins and slow down a bit. I'll have more commentary and news early this afternoon.  We rarely open the shop until 11:00 anyway.  I have carefully arranged my life to sleep late - don't expect me to change that for you.  Actually, I don't like you all that much. grumble ... grumble ... expecting me to get up and entertain you early in the morning .... grumble ... grumble .... what kind of people are you .... grumble ... grumble ....

Okay, I posted a few of my favorite Emails From Hell this morning to keep you quiet while I have work to do.


April 6 - BREAKING!  Some pictures now.

I also have a news report partially showing Marsha (she's 70 years old and retired) getting "wrecked."  It's at 21 seconds.  It's short. (I shortened it from the last one so it'll load quicker.) It also shows a Republican woman telling a very Christian lie.  When asked, "Who sent you" by a reporter, she lies.

I will soon post photographs of a "demonstration" (read: violent disruption) of Nick Lampson's news conference this morning in Sugar Land.  Tom DeLay's campaign and a member of the State Republican Executive Committee called for volunteers to meet on the first floor of the parking garage and "wreck" Lampson's press conference.
          One elderly Democratic woman was slightly injured when she was assaulted by a DeLay protester.  The male DeLay supporter first hit her in the face with a sign and then grabbed her hat and tried to pull it down over her eyes.  Think about this:  Your Congressman asked his supporters to go out and assault old women.  Okay, "wreck" them.  But, that's all right because one of the Democrats shoved the DeLay protestor away from the elderly woman.  We ain't doing non-violent protests when it comes to protecting our elderly.
          But that's all right.  It's all right.  They're just helping prove what a stone-cold hypocrite DeLay and his supporters are.  One day DeLay laments the "polarization" in the district and how horrible it is.  The next day, he calls a hit.          

          I'm at my computer now.  Bob Dunn will probably have pictures before I do because he's better at this internet stuff than I am. 

      A direct quote from an email Chris Homan sent out --

We would meet tomorrow morning at 9:45 am on the first floor of the parking garage attached to the Marriott.  Please get folks to call our campaign office 281.343.1333 and let us know they can do it – or e-mail Leonard Cash (in the cc field above) so that we can get some head count.  Let’s give Lampson a parting shot that wrecks his press conference.

(Emphasis mine)

          This is a statement from Marsha Rovai, the 70 year old retired CPS caseworker I spoke about above, 

“I can’t believe my Congressman, Tom DeLay, would organize this type of assault,” Rovai said.  “I was assaulted by two different people. One of the men hit me and another shoved his sign into my face, and then when I pushed his sign away he violently pulled my hat down over my eyes and pushed me. I’m considering filing an assault charge. This is just very upsetting and I’m so disappointed in Tom Delay for organizing this attack.”

 


April 5 - Okay, I know you’ve been seeing some crazy scary stuff coming out of District 22 lately, but Tom’s so-called “resignation” only fueled the fires of insanity.
          The Fort Bend County Republican party chairman (who doesn’t even live in the county anymore), a major candidate in the run-off for a new party chair (Gary Gillen) , and one of the hopeful candidates to replace Delay (Harris County Judge Bob Eckels) announced ..... (kinda try to prepare yourself for this) ....... that they didn’t see any need to have a special election because not having a Congressman between June and January “wouldn’t hurt the district.”  There reasoning is that Congress wouldn’t be in session much of the time anyway.
          No, I’m not kidding.  Look at this.  All they can talk about is what is best for the Republican party.  They don’t give a big bear’s butt about the district or its citizens.
          Okay, Dumb Guys, what if there’s a hurricane this summer?  Don’t we need a Congressvarmint to help with FEMA and do some hollering?  What if we go to war or Baghdad falls to the insurgents?  We don’t have anyone representing us?  What if a national emergency happens?
          Most importantly, what about constituent services?  Who is going to help the poor widow lady who has problems with her pension?  Will we get no appointments to West Point or the Naval Academy?  Who do we call with our opinion about bills?  Who will help our veterans with problems with the VA?  Who will attend the funerals of our war dead? 
          Dammit.  Dammit. Dammit. If these idiots get their way, I’m holding a tea party at the Brazos River.  I’m not kidding.  I’ve got some Lipton Tea Bags and I’ll meet you there.  They want taxation without representation.  Over. My. Dead. Body.  It ain’t happenin’.  I have earned the right to have my voice heard in Congress and I’ll be a monkey’s uncle before I let some cheap local political hacks take that away from me. 
          Be sure to note the part of the article where the perhaps-future county chair says that a special election would be a “circus” because anybody can run.  Yeah, like Democrats and Libertarians and Independents and folks you have no control over.  You know, like real democratic elections.  Oh, hide the children!
          On the other hand, my Libertarian friend says it’s not a bad idea to be without a Congressman.  We could use these six months to try it out and if it works, we could do it everywhere else and just get rid of Congress.  He thinks they’re as worthless as a four card flush anyway.


April 5 - There’s one thing I know sure as a Grandmother’s love:  the Republicans are violating the law by putting a candidate up to fill DeLay’s spot in the November election.  They can spin this until all their psychedelic colors blend into a purple haze, but Texas law does not allow you to replace a candidate because he sees that he’s going to lose.
          They are violating the law and making a mockery of the electoral process.  What scares me is that they’ve had so much practice that they are getting darned good at it.
          Let me give you an idea of how truly wicked and arrogant their youngsters have become.  Another local blogger pointed me to a perfectly serious statement a couple of local young Republican bloggers think is a dandy idea. I'm quoting directly from their blogs.

          If there is any ambiguity over whether the GOP can replace DeLay on the ballot in November, won't the state legislature simply rewrite/clarify the election code in the upcoming special session in a few weeks?
          It's pretty likely that this will be litigated, and equally likely that the GOP will be allowed to replace DeLay on the ballot. So perhaps the legislature will attempt to change the code.

          So, if they law isn't in your favor, change the law? This is the arrogance and win-at-all-costs morality that they teach their children.  Even aside from that, isn't having the State Lege act like a bunch of Republican bullies what got us into this mess in the first place? 
          Meanwhile, the Republican Party Chairman in Fort Bend County does not want a special election because he’s afraid that Democrat Nick Lampson will win it.  Instead of letting the voters decide who will be the GOP nominee, he wants to decide it behind closed doors with some other fluffy white boy friends of his. 
          The intellectual dishonesty of local Republicans is what made me a straight ticket Democrat this year.


April 4 - The email bag is overflowing.  I posted a few so enjoy and I'll post some more tomorrow.


April 4 - How you know it's really, really over.

          Some neighbors of mine, who live around the corner, kept their DeLay sign up long after the primary election.  The man of the household (and I use both of those terms loosely) said he did it because he knew I had to drive by it every day and he wanted to hack me off.  Sounds a little passive-aggressive to me, so I didn't let the sign bother me, figuring it was a mental health issue and I don't screw around with crazy people. 
          This morning as I drove by, I couldn't help but notice ..... well, a picture is worth a thousand words and I only know about 457 of them so I'll let you take it from there.


April 4 - Okay, I've hauled my giddy butt outta bed this morning.  Best line I heard all night came in the form of an email from an admired friend who was watching the news reports on teevee,

I just wish the press would stop referring to DeLay as a Texan. It's makin' the rattlesnakes feel poorly.
Lucky Pierre
(Cletus' former roommate)

          My prediction is that Tom will continue in his present life-calling and become a teevee evangelist.  It's just like being a Congressman: the hours are good, you can have girlfriends on the side as long as you don't get caught, you can get stoopid people to give you lotsa money, it helps if your wife cries a lot and can make "Jesus" a three-syllable word, and you get to wear fancy clothes.  He'll hardly know the difference. 
          In all seriousness, I ain't playing the "what will happen next" game today because nobody really knows.  I hear there's some question if DeLay can even be replaced on the ballot because there's a residency quirk in Texas law where you don't have to live in a district to run for it.
          Meanwhile, however, local Republicans are eating each other alive.  David Wallace, the pretty Mayor of pretty Sugar Land, has been trying to wear Tom's shoes while Tom was still in them, and  seems to think that he and Bob Perry should be Congressvarmints.  Republican political consultants are running all over town trying to get any sucker to run so they can make money off of them.  The leaches are thick here, Honey.

          It’s my theory that DeLay knew was going to resign before the primary election, which would explain his bizarre behavior of returning to DeeCee on election night for a lobbyist fundraiser.  However, instead of letting the voters decide who should replace him, he acted as he always acts --- he wants things to be decided in a closed backroom by the good ole boys, not by the voters.
          It was simply the last underhanded, mean, and anti-democracy thing he could do to us before he left.  Thanks again, Tom.
            In answer to a couple of emails this morning, no, I am not shutting down the beauty shop right now.  At least not until we insure that another DeLay clone isn’t on the way.  (Besides, it’ll be so much fun covering the GOPper infighting over who gets to be the next DeLay.)  However, I have accepted a highly lucrative writing position for the upcoming blog kissmybigblueass.org  It’s southern women writing about southern politics.  It’ll hurt ya, Honey.  Once that gets started, I’ll close the shop and leave a forwarding address. 

----more to come ----


 

April 3 - 9:10 p.m. - Chris Matthews just announced on MSNBC that he has spoken to Tom DeLay and DeLay is withdrawing from the race tomorrow.


April 3 - You know that things aren't lookin' good when your Congressman starts being referred to as "Representative #2" by federal prosecutors.  Especially when Bob Ney is #1.
          In a lead story in Roll Call (sorry, subscription only) today, it appears that federal prosecutors were very careful to insure that Tom DeLay can't hide behind the same "legal technicality" (their phrase, not mine) that his good buddy Ralph Reed did.

By using conspiracy statutes against Abramoff and the two ex-DeLay aides, prosecutors have been able to use an umbrella approach to any crime committed by the trio without fear of being curbed by a statute of limitations.

and later in the same article ...

Another potentially critical element to the Abramoff and Rudy pleas, as related to DeLay,  is that their criminal conspiracies begin in 1997 — just as DeLay and Abramoff’s professional relationship went global.

            It appears that no one else caught this little nuance by the Feds.
          Now DeLay is trying to claim he really wasn't all that close to Tony Rudy either.  DeLay is starting to resemble the Madam of a Whorehouse claiming that she had no idea what was going on upstairs, and she's just shocked, shocked I tell you, to discover that the girls were involved in hanky panky.  As far as she knows, the girls just go upstairs and bring back money.  Hummmm .... just like things in Tom's congressional office.
          And if you want to laugh a hearty laugh, please check The House that Jack Built in the New York Times.

This is DeLay,
Who built the machine
That redrew the districts
And raised the green,
That decided the races
That claimed the new seats,
That made the new friends
That owned luxury suites,
That held big galas
That brought the donations ........


March 31 - Uh oh, Tony Rudy is pleading guilty

WASHINGTON - A former top aide to Rep. Tom DeLay has agreed to plead guilty to charges in the widening federal investigation of lobbyist fraud, a law enforcement official said Friday

         Golly, now I understand why the Texas Department of Public Safety doesn't want Tom DeLay to have a handgun.

          Also, today's Wall Street Journal (subscription only) has a front page story about "The DeLay Family" (Tom's words for all his former staff).  It focuses on Emily Miller, Michael Scanlon, and Tony Rudy.  It's hard to decide which one of these people is the scummiest.  Honey, the folks down at Dirt Janochek's trailer park have far more class than these people do. 
          Check out this paragraph from the story about Scanlon and Rudy:

The two shared a pit-bull political style and pushed Mr. DeLay to lead the charge in 1998 for the impeachment of President Clinton. "This whole thing about not kicking someone when they are down is B.S.," Mr. Scanlon once wrote to Mr. Rudy in an email published in "The Breach," a book by Peter Baker about the impeachment. "Not only do you kick him -- you kick him until he passes out -- then beat him over the head with a baseball bat -- then roll him up in an old rug -- and throw him off a cliff into the pound surf below!!!!!"

           And Tom DeLay doesn't even choke when he talks about "the politics of personal destruction." 


March 31 - In my never-ending quest to make public records available to the ..... oh, dunno, the public? .... Here are GOP party chair candidate Gary Gillen's non-computerized filings with the Texas Ethics Commission. 
          By the way, if Mr. Gillen can't afford a computer, he can go to the public library and use one for free to file his reports.  If he can't understand how to use a computer, he can get a third grader to help him. 
          Gillen filing 12/05
     
          Gillen filing 1/06

          Gillen filing 2/06

          I'll try like the dickens to get Gillen's 8 days before election day filings, but I ain't making no promises.  This took a lot of my time and is just darned silly on his part.  It's probably just a little trick he learned from his predecessor. 


March 30 - Tom DeLay is to religion what professional wrestlers are to sports. 
          It ain't real, Darlin'.


March 29 - So, I broke the story of Make My Day DeLay and his handgun permit right here 5 days ago
          The next day, internet bloggers picked it up.
          On day 2, some internet news sites picked it up and ran with it.  Keith Obermann and Jon Stewert picked it up.  Harvey Kronberg picked it up from www.fortbendnow.com
          On day 3, the national media, including the Houston Chronicle,  ran the story.
          On day 4, the Fort Texas Herald Coaster Bend Cougar Mellancamp ran the story from the Associated Press without even driving 2 miles to the courthouse to get actual papers.
          And today, Jack Cafferty pitched it.

Chutzpah. It means you got some nerve. The disgraced former house majority leader Congressman Tom DeLay has Chutzpah to spare.

He's under criminal indictment. He's facing felony charges that could put him in prison. DeLay, nevertheless, thinks he should be allowed to carry a gun. His permit to carry a concealed handgun was suspended in January. This happens when you are indicted. But DeLay doesn't think the rules should apply to him.

He's appealing the suspension and he wants a new hearing. A mouth piece for DeLay wouldn't say if he needs a handgun permit. She said, as for whether or not he carries it, that's the point of having a concealed handgun license in Texas. Potential criminals should assume everyone is. Does being under indictment make Tom DeLay a potential criminal? That's not the question.

Here's the question. Should Tom DeLay be allowed to carry a concealed handgun? Email us your thoughts at caffertyfile@cnn.com or go to CNN.com/caffertyfile
.


March 29 - Senator John Cornyn either has a drinking problem or a talking problem, but whatever it is, he needs to find a cure.  Do they have a 12-Step program for stoopid?

BASH: But like anything in politics, there are shades of gray. Senator John Cornyn is a Texas Republican searching for a middle ground. He says illegal immigrants should be able to work in the U.S. legally, but only if they return to their country of origin first.

(on camera): How worried are you about the deep divide within your own party over this issue?

SEN. JOHN CORNYN (R), TEXAS: I really am not worried about it. I think it's actually healthy.

BASH: You think it's healthy? In an election year it's healthy?

CORNYN: Well, you know, that's the problem in America, we're always having elections.


March 29 - Headline:  DELAY SAYS CHRISTIANS ARE UNDER ATTACK
          Question:  How would he know? 

Invoking the "glory of God," former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay urged religious conservatives Tuesday to stand against an American culture he described as hostile to Christianity.

          No, Tom, we're not hostile to Christianity.  We're hostile to cigar-smokin', gun-totin', charity-siphonin', money-greedin', insider-tradin', blasted hypocrites whose middle name should be Elmer Gantry.   You, Mr. DeLay, are the hostile one among us.
          Tom, you've wrapped yourself in the flag, the Bible, little children, and hot-shot criminal defense lawyers .... what is left for you to hide behind?
          Son, you done honked me off this morning.  First thing.  Don't do that again.


March 29 - Let's all shout AMEN at Rick Casey.

Here's my proposal for improving the ethical climate in Texas politics.

Close down the Texas Ethics Commission.


March 29 - Well heck, we're back to Tom's townhouse again, something I've been interested in for six years.  Well, it seems there's more hanky-panky involved

Yesterday we reported that the U.S. Family Network, a sham nonprofit controlled by former DeLay Chief of Staff Ed Buckham and funded by Jack Abramoff's lobbying clients, sold a Capitol Hill townhouse to Rep. Jim Ryun (R-KS) at a $19,000 loss. Given the hot real estate market in Washington, D.C. at that time, the low sale price raiseed the question of whether transaction was a de facto gift to Rep. Ryun.

          Some people suspect they were using the townhouse for floozie sparkin'.  I don't.  Those guys don't like women enough to consort with them. Plus, that wouldn't hurt enough other people to make it fun. I think they were using it insider day trading. 


March 27- Local Republican politics are getting hotter than a Cadillac bumper on a Del Rio parking lot in July.  Most of the hollerin' and spittin' is over the GOP county chair race.  They aren't particularly worried about who's gonna be county attorney or county court judge -- you know, jobs that affect us all.  No siree, they're worried about themselves.  They are forming a circle and locking and loading. 
          As I habitually do, I went to the Texas Ethics Commission to check the filings of the two GOP party chair candidates to see who's donating to them.
          Linda Howell filed her forms electronically and even bothered to correct a small mistake.  She's not hiding squat from you. 
          Gary Gillen, like the current GOP chair, files his by paper.  That means you gotta call the Texas Ethics Commission and sweet talk them into mailing you copies of Gillen's reports.  Or drive to Austin and pick them up.  Your choice.  Okay, I mean my choice.  You know I'm gonna do it.  I always do. 
          Certainly Gillen is within the law to file his reports on paper.  The law states:

Most individuals or entities filing a campaign finance report with the Texas Ethics Commission are required to file reports electronically unless the individual or entity is eligible to claim a statutory exemption. The legislature changed the allowable exemptions for reports due on or after September 1, 2003. Under the new law, a filer may claim an exemption from electronic filing only if the filer does not use a computer to keep current records of contributions, expenditures, or donors AND if the filer does not exceed $20,000 in political contributions or expenditures in a calendar year. A filer must include an exemption affidavit with each report filed on paper. (Emphasis mine.)

          Here's what the exemption affidavit says;

I further swear or affirm that I do not use computer equipment to keep current records of political contributions, political expenditures, or persons making political contributions to me.  

I further swear or affirm that no person acting as my agent or consultant, and no person with whom I contract, uses computer equipment to keep current records of political contributions, political expenditures, or persons making political contributions to me.

          Hey, you gotta admire a political candidate in this day and age who uses index cards and a #2 pencil to keep track of things. 
          
 


March 27 - It's our Semi-Monthly "Do As I Say Religious Right Day" here at the beauty shop.  Feel free to join in the fun.
          First off, there's Ralph Reed, who lays down with dogs and then seems amazed that he gets up with fleas.  On something the Republicans like to call "a legal technicality" Reed escaped time in a Texas pokey. 

Texas Travis County Attorney David Escamilla has just released a statement saying that he will not pursue a formal criminal investigation into Ralph Reed's lobbying activities in Texas. Not because Reed didn't break any laws - actually he says quite the opposite - but because there is a two-year statute of limitations for prosecuting misdemeanors in Texas. So Reed gets off the hook.

          And then, pretending to be Dick Cheney with laryngitis, Justice Antonin Scalia leaves church and wonders what hand gesture Jesus would make.

BOSTON, March 27 (UPI) -- U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia startled reporters in Boston just minutes after attending a mass, by flipping a middle finger to his critics.

A Boston Herald reporter asked the 70-year-old conservative Roman Catholic if he faces much questioning over impartiality when it comes to issues separating church and state.

"You know what I say to those people?" Scalia replied, making the obscene gesture and explaining "That's Sicilian."

          No, Your Honor, that's not Sicilian, that's just rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.  Good Heavens, what would John Marshall say? 
         


March 26 - Tom DeLay and his religious right brethren are caught with their fingers in the charity cookie jar again

A top adviser to former House Whip Tom DeLay received more than a third of all the money collected by the U.S. Family Network, a nonprofit organization the adviser created to promote a pro-family political agenda in Congress, according to the group's accounting records.

DeLay's former chief of staff, Edwin A. Buckham, who helped create the group while still in DeLay's employ, and his wife, Wendy, were the principal beneficiaries of the group's $3.02 million in revenue, collecting payments totaling $1,022,729 during a five-year period ending in 2001, public and private records show.

          My almost favorite line in the story is this one ----

It was at this dinner (in the Marianas) DeLay gave the speech in which he called Abramoff "one of my closest and dearest friends," according to a copy. DeLay also reminded Tan and his colleagues of his earlier promise that no wage and immigration legislation would be passed.

"Stand firm," DeLay said in his closing. "Resist evil. Remember that all truth and blessings emanate from our Creator." He then departed with Tan to see a cockfight, according to a written account by one of the trip participants.

          Cockfight?  Cockfight?  Well, I hope they gave Tom's cock a proper Christian burial.
          The half dozen or so of my friends who have followed my writing remember an article I wrote for a local newspaper about US Family Network several years ago. They wouldn't tell where they got one million dollars for a skybox, a townhouse, and a GMC pickup truck.  At the time, I wondered ...

          Why is Tom so ashamed of who gave him One Million Dollars cash money that he has to keep it a secret? Was it Osama Bin Laden? Buddhist nuns? Proponents of light rail? Phillip Morris?

          I then sarcastically suggested that Tom got the money from a local drug dealer who was hiding money in the walls of his house.  Turns out that it's worse than that.  Tom DeLay is a secret Commie.  He's a spy for the Soviet Union and the Commies "paid" his "charity" One Million Dollars.  Okay, so I'm just supposing about the spy stuff, but why else would they give him One Million Dollars Plus Some More After a Lunch in Houston?

Last year the Washington Post reported that in 1997 Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff went on a lavish golfing junket to Russia that was paid for by NAFTASib, an Abramoff client with "tight connections to the Russian security establishment."
.........

But it turns out the junket is the least of the story, because after the trip NAFTASib also gave money to the U.S. Family Network, an advocacy group closely associated with DeLay. Lots of money. A million dollars, in fact. And just what did the Russian security establishment want from DeLay? Did they really spend a million bucks via NAFTASib just to influence DeLay's vote on an IMF bailout — as one of DeLay's associates admitted to the Post? Who knows.

But whatever it was for, Peter Stone has a new piece in the National Journal today informing us that even more money was involved than we thought. Through a front company, NAFTASib also donated $250,000 to the U.S. Family Network before DeLay's trip to Moscow. That payment came shortly after a lunch meeting in Houston, and Stone reports that "the meeting has attracted the attention of federal investigators."

          Then the next thing we know, it turns out that